Consumed
by sabbath purr
Summary: Alex has an obession that has consumed her mind. Eventual Palex. Mature audiences only, please.
1. Prologue

The air was crisp and the sky was clear as I held a lighted joint between my lips. With my hand thrust down my pants, a wave of pleasure consumed my entire body; I moaned: "Paige. Paige. Paige!" I saw her behind closed eyelids, her too-blue eyes, her wet smirk of poignancy. I loved it. I craved her. What I gave myself was never enough, I wanted so much more. I wanted her to be my queen; strewn across the bed, scarcely clothed and screaming for my touch. I was stoned into next Tuesday, too stoned to control myself, or my voice. But who cared? Once I opened my eyes I began to hallucinate and there she was. She wrapped her legs around my waist and whispered, "say it in your squeaky voice." I laughed, oh I laughed well into the night. I couldn't stop. Rainbows, jellybeans and carnival goldfish. The night suddenly came alive with these visions.

Slowly I drifted down, back into the dark coldness that was reality. Far off in the distance, a siren sounded. A dog barked. I was sitting on the ground behind my mobile home, my pants scrunched down to my ankles. Calling it an unpleasant sight would be an understatement. I had sucked down an entire bag of marijuana and felt like a hapless drug addict. Although I wasn't. Very rarely did I ever smoke that much in one sitting. The taste on my lips was bitter and lingered until I brushed my teeth. I was an idiot, I had to be at work in an hour. Finally I would get to see her. Just how much I wanted to, she would never know.

At work I played it cool. At home I played dead. I didn't have a reason for anything I did at home. No one could touch me, I was too withdrawn to care. Only I did. I cared about her. I cared about her smile, the way she laughed, the way she smelled, the way her eyes would sparkle every now and then. My attraction to her wasn't purely sexual. I was never one to engorge myself in this over-sexed plastic world we lived in, but I just couldn't help myself at times. I wondered how she would feel, if her skin would be rough or smooth, whether there was a soft patch of hair over her stomach, if my palm would fit perfectly on the small of her back. I ached to enlighten myself, only I would never find out.

At school she was known as my colleague, my rival, someone I shouldn't dare associate with for even two seconds. But she had left a stain on me, permanently, and it wasn't about to rub off. Very slowly was she helping me to break out of my shell, leave my former life behind, and clean up my act. With each passing day I needed her more and more. She was medication, and every time I felt depressed she would gradually up the dosage. At first I loved to hate her. Nothing gave me more pleasure than watching this tyrannical blonde squirm in her seat and pretend to immerse herself in her studies. Not before long there came a much different side of her; she was maturing into a young adult.

She became concerned about me, and my future, helped me to better understand my own fears, laughed and joked with me the way a real friend would. Right now she was the only thing that mattered. It was never about me, just her. I liked it that way.

I remember the first time I caught sight of her. I stared at her, even. But she never noticed. I thought: god, she is so beautiful. Look at those eyes. After my own thoughts registered within, I felt ashamed and tried to shrug it off. For what reason, I didn't know. I decided if I ever had to interact with her, I would give her lip, like I did with everyone else so she wouldn't catch on. The terrible thing about my decision was I soon became too hostile, too unforgiving, and she was going to end up hating me. Paige was a tyrant and I used that flaw to create a very believable dislike of her. Dislike wasn't the word that floated around in my head 24 hours a day, however. At night not only would I cry myself to sleep because of Chad and my mother, but also because of the realization that if I had behaved differently, maybe I would be holding her, not hating her. The evil death glares she often shot in my direction only made me want her more. Her smiles and laughter made me weak, and under NO circumstances would I let her see my vulnerability.

I also remember the exact moment I truly fell in love with her. Her boyfriend had been ordering her around at work. After I called her a coward, I noticed her reaction and couldn't tear my eyes away. She looked so small then. So unsure of what she wanted. There was a different kind of glint in her eyes. I saw it and I fell for her – hard. No longer did I feel ashamed. Who cared if I intentionally hung around just so I could catch a glimpse of her? Who cared if I talked to her in a squeaky voice and enjoyed her laughter? No one. This was my life, no one was going to tell me how to live it. I never really thought about what laid beyond high school, but if there was one thing I knew to be certain it was this: I was going to be with her, no matter what the cost.


	2. It Only Took A Day

**CHAPTER ONE:**

Greasy carbohydrates, fizzing soft drinks that probably ate away at your intestines if you gulped them down too fast. Long hours, short breaks. No time to complain. Such was my life. I hated to think it was evolving into a career; that whenever one would think of this place, immediately my name would come to mine. _Alex Nunez? Yeah, what a loser. _I'd actually heard this said before, so it wasn't just my own negativity. This was all the excitement I was ever going to experience in my life, I knew it for a fact. College wasn't going to happen, I'd only get laughed out of the building and end up right back here. I had been thinking about college a lot lately, and it only succeeded in depressing me further. I had barely spoken two words since I arrived. I kept my head down, avoided the eye contact of everyone, including customers. They didn't care anyway.

A puddle of soda had formed on the counter, so I grabbed the nearest rag and proceeded to clean it up. It was then that I heard a heavy sigh from Paige. She stacked a few empty popcorn tubs and walked over to me.

"Alex…what's wrong?"

"Why would there be anything wrong?" I asked, still not looking up.

"No reason. Only because the most you've said was hello and the fact that you won't look at me."

It was my turn to sigh. "I just…" That was all I managed to get out; I felt myself getting emotional. The eerie silence that followed was deafening as I struggled to compose myself.

This time I couldn't help but finally meet her eye. She could tell I was upset, her eyes darted back and fourth nervously, such a look of compassion on her features. It nearly killed me.

I swallowed down any tears that were desperately trying to surface, and shook my head. "Don't worry about me, okay?" She said nothing as I hid the emotion on my face by staring down at the floor once again.

I felt that her eyes still hadn't left me. Despite the fact that I had become relatively good at concealing my sadness, I felt a single tear escape and run down my cheek. I angrily wiped it away as if it had burned me.

"Too late." She answered softly. "I'm worried."

"I need some air," I countered, that excuse always worked.

I sat down on a bench outside, holding my visor in my lap, having yet another staring match with the ground.

I didn't stay out long. If it did Mary would have my head. Once my face was free of tears, I strolled back inside to see that Paige was handing a couple people drinks and food.

Feeling guilty, I immediately rushed around to tend to the line that was progressively getting longer. I felt Paige's eyes on me the entire time, it made me feel so weak. She had no IDEA what she was doing to me. In my haste, I accidentally knocked over a full cup of soda that sloshed over the counter and onto the feet of one of my costumers. He jumped back, giving me the coldest look I'd ever seen.

"_Shit_. I'm so sorry," I said, running for a rag.

Paige grabbed it before I could reach it. "I got it, hun. Just worry about the others," she said offering a sad smile. I bit my bottom lip and filled up two tubs of popcorn, not paying too much attention to how much butter I pumped on each of them.

I placed them on the counter and grabbed two more cups, filling them to the brim. "Could I have just…a tiny less butter?" A lady with her two children asked.

"Ma'am, I've got three more orders to fill," I reminded her.

"Less butter? Sure," I heard Paige say, and I inwardly thanked her that she was there.

Fifteen minutes later, the line finally dissipated. I pulled up a stool and plunked down, wiping the sweat off my forehead with the back of my head.

"Well…just look at that lovely glow," Paige teased, nudging me on the shoulder. I couldn't help but smile a little.

"Oh yeah. You'd think that with this with this much sweat I should've popped out a baby or something."

Paige laughed.

"But by now it would've put itself up for adoption seeing as how I'd have been completely neglecting it."

Paige smiled as she pulled up a seat next to me. "You know, you didn't have to do everything yourself. I'm you're co-worker, I'm supposed to help."

"Yeah well. I deserved that death glare from the soda incident. Work is no time to wallow in your own self-pity. There are good people that need popcorn…or they'll simply die."

There was silence for a beat as Paige just looked at me, perhaps thinking of what to say next. I always did that. Combined my problems with jokes. It was my way of dealing with my sadness.

"So…what's going on with you? I don't think I've ever seen you cry."

I shrugged. "It's just…I hate to think that this ---will be as good as it will ever get."

I sighed angrily, bunching up my visor in my hands. "I'd love to get out of here for a while, you know? Go someplace different. In another words: have fun."

She nodded, I had her full attention. She didn't look away. "I know."

She watched me as I pulled the elastic band from my hair. "Would you…ever want to join me? Maybe?"

She smiled again. "I'd definitely make some time for it."

"I mean like, for a whole day ---maybe the whole weekend. Depends on where we're going."

"A weekend trip sounds like something we both need. I'd really like that."

I smiled. "Good. Keep it in mind, okay?"

In the midst of the night, diamonds against blackness; twinkling, smiling. So far away was the moon, stilled like a photograph. Smoke in my lungs, self-gratification. High once again. I felt on top of the moon. I clasped a star inside my hand, held it to my chest, let the let fill me up, then escape through my eyes. Paige on my mind, she felt so close I could almost taste her. Only she wasn't, but I had myself well convinced. Pretend, that's all it was. A game I played. I slept on the clouds with her not too far way. I would beckon to her when I felt cold. She was inside of me, all around, pulsing through every vein. Warmth washed over me, stars were singing of a lullaby long forgotten. Soon it was over, and I shivered. "Come back," I pleaded. "I need you." Back down to earth, euphoria a distant memory. Dirt clung to my face, leaves in my hair. The bag empty once again. I started crying and couldn't stop.


	3. Burning The Bridge Between

**A/N: Thank you so much to those that reviewed, it really made my day! I've been good with updating this story, so here's the second chapter.**

CHAPTER TWO:

"What the hell happened to you?" Chad asked without a trace of concern in his voice as he reached into the fridge. I often wondered why he bothered talking to me at all. I think it was only to remind me of his existence, as shallow as it was. I ignored his question as I bent over the kitchen sink, splashing cold water onto my face. He cracked open his can of beer and walked up to me.

"Whoa. Been smoking up or what?"

I knew I reeked of it. "Only 55.2 grams over the legal limit," I replied sarcastically, and went to dry myself.

"Does your mom know you're a grade-A stoner?"

"I don't know. Does she know you're a grade-A asshole? Oh. Yeah, that's right. She does." I turned away slowly, and he grabbed a hold of my arm.

"You better watch it."

"Really?" I asked, not convinced or afraid.

I reached into my pocket and felt my knife was still there.

"Or what?" I continued.

"You'll regret ever being born."

"Is that so?" I clenched my fingers around it now.

He took a swig of beer, seemingly forgetting all the tension between us as we glared at each other.

"Fucking punk." He spat, nearly throwing me to the floor in the process, but my iron grip on the counter spared me from that unpleasant meeting.

I still wasn't afraid of him. I could unfold my knife and press it against his neck in three seconds flat if I ever needed to, but the time never arose. He couldn't hurt me. My mother was a different story, but that's why I was there. To protect her – not myself. I shuffled into the bathroom taking a long shower, the lack of warm water not effecting me. It made me feel more alive if anything.

I always kept an outfit in the bathroom since Chad was around, and I wasn't about to let him see me in a towel, much less naked. After I dressed I quickly ran a comb through my hair. The bags under my eyes were getting darker and more pronounced all the time; but that's what sleep depravation does to a person. I grabbed my cell phone before heading out the door. I had a study date with Ellie. Glancing at the clock, I swore under my breath. Fifteen minutes late already.

I punched in her number and listened to it ring in my ear. She didn't pick up. _Hey. This is Ellie. Sorry I missed your call. I'll get back to you._ I waited patiently for the beep and left a message. _"_Hey rat-lover, it's me. I'm assuming we're still on for tonight? If not too bad because I'm coming over anyway. Bye."

I tossed the phone onto the passenger seat and then drove about two and a half blocks to Ellie's apartment building.

I lugged my books and notes up two flights of stairs and felt my arms shake under the weight. Thank God Ellie was on the first floor.

Setting my things on the ground, I gave a loud knock and waited. After what felt like a lifetime, it finally opened. "Hi," Ellie greeted, opening the door a bit wider.

"Did you get my cheery message?" I asked, bending down to retrieve my books.

"No actually, just got back a little while ago. I was at the Dot."

"With Spinner?" I asked, walking inside.

"No…I just needed some me time. You know?"

"Yup. So…are we ready to act like we actually care about school?"

Ellie laughed. "Sure I'll study…but that doesn't mean I give a damn."

"Good enough. Come on."

We decided to sit out on the balcony. It was a cool night, with a slight breeze flowing through. Not too much or too little; like a kiss on the cheek when it brushed against your face. Sitting Indian-style, text books and papers overlapping, fluttering slightly. The only source of light was a dim overhead lamp casting a soft glow against our complexions. After some time had past, my mind began to wonder; it was no longer on the task in front of me. I licked my lips and tried to snap myself back to the here and now. Only even once I did it merely felt like a distraction; a numbing fantasy. Reality didn't seem real, not anymore. These kinds of thoughts ran through my mind all the time, and usually I would blame it on pot, but I knew it had to be more than that.

"Alex? Hello?" Ellie waved her hand over my face and I finally blinked.

"Um. Sorry. I just…"

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I was just thinking."

Ellie gave an inward chuckle. "You looked possessed or something."

I shrugged. "You could say that."

"What's with your eyes?"

"Why? What?" I asked, suddenly more alert.

"They're all red and…veiny."

"Oh. Um it's just…lack of sleep. That or the possessed demon inside of me."

"I think I'll go with the demon theory because you were starting to freak me out."

"Sorry," I replied, writing down a few more notes.

"So what were you thinking about?"

_Should I?_ I thought. _No. She's not ready for this. Not yet._

Hesitating a bit, I blurted: "do you believe in love at first sight?"

"Generally? No, not really."

"But…have you ever gotten a vibe from someone just by looking at them? You were able to look past the physical attraction and just kind of…_tell_ that there was a lot more going on?"

Ellie shot me a stunned look, her eyebrow slightly raised.

"Um…no I've never had that happen to me before."

"Never?"

She shook her head. Shortly I saw a smile tug at the corners of her mouth. "Who's had this effect on you?"

"It's not important. I was just wondering if we were on the same wavelength."

Ellie laughed. "Oh yes it is important. I can tell. Come on Al, spill it. Who is he?"

"Maybe we should just get back to studying."

"Alex. I'm your friend…we're supposed to share these kinds of things with each other."

I wanted to tell her. Very badly in fact, but I couldn't. Sighing loudly, I stuffed all my notes inside my textbooks and slammed them shut. "It's late. I need to go home."

A look of annoyance and disappointment splayed across her features, Ellie ran a hand through her hair. "Fine. Go." Her shoulders slumped then, and she appeared defeated. Not only did I feel sorry for her, I felt sorry for myself. I knew I was difficult, and very rarely would I let anyone inside my head. I probably should've just told her how I felt about Paige, but some things – I reasoned just had to be dealt with yourself, and what business was it of others?

The drive home was silent. No radio, the windows were up. It soothed me, made me reflect on things in a less strenuous way. It was loud enough in my head, I didn't need any outward sounds to adjoin to it. Thursday night, my only day off. This meant I would have to work the weekend as well. Although I had known this, I still groaned to myself, but then realized that Paige would be there. I had only seen the back of her head during school hours, and of course that wasn't enough. She kept busy with Spirit Squad, I kept busy by drowning myself in assignments that went way over my head. The words just seemed to float off of the paper and fade into nothingness. Maybe that was why the simple task of studying turned into an apathetic fit of madness. It all bored me, every bit of it. This just couldn't be life. I felt more like a robot than a person.

Would anything ever make sense, ever have a logical reason? I doubted it. I pulled my sorry excuse for an automobile into the garage and took my sweatshirt out of the backseat. I planned to get together with some friends at Coffee Bean, which was a small shop not too far from the Dot. I stuck my hand inside the pocket of the hoody and found that I was running on empty as far as joints were concerned. I knew someone would hook me up. I leaned up against my car and waited for them. We walked into Coffee Bean and inhaled the scent of addicting, growth-stunting coffee grounds. I breathed it in like it were oxygen and ordered a cup. I waited for it to cool then gulped it down quicker than anyone else. The taste still on my lips, and the warmth swimming in my stomach, I felt alright for a moment. As we made our way out to find a private spot, I craned my neck upwards to gaze at the stars. They seemed like something you'd see in a dream, although they were as real as anything. I had touched one, even though it was only drug induced.

I had also touched her, and that night I felt more connected to her than ever before. _Maybe. _I thought. _Just maybe it wasn't the whole result of smoking. Maybe it had a deeper meaning. Maybe it was something that can't be explained. _That night I didn't smoke – just thought. They called me a retard and said there must be something wrong with me to miss out. There wasn't. Did they ever think for one second that maybe it was them? They all had thoughts, I'm sure. Did they ever take the time to sort through them all, to reflect on life? No. I watched as the life drained from within them, and their minds took a chemical vacation. _Is that what I look like when I'm stoned? _I wondered. _No wonder Chad said something to me._ Amy started laughing, so I stole her half-empty coffee and drank it down, crushing the cup under my foot, then threw it at her head. She laughed again and kept on. It annoyed me. At that moment I felt ready to confide to Ellie, but sadly I knew it was too late.

"It is so _dead_ around here," Paige stated, popping milk duds into her mouth. "I don't understand it. It's a Friday night. Friday equals movie time."

I watched her silently as she swallowed down one candy after the other, as if she were trying to overdose on chocolate. I held in a chuckle, but a smile escaped.

"There aren't too many movies out this week, that's why. All things they've shown before."

"Mmm, yeah that's true." She hesitated a moment. I never took my eyes off of her. "Hey…this might be a stupid question but, have you seen any movies lately?"

I laughed. "Honestly? No. Don't have the time. "

"Me neither. I'd really like to see that new one with Johnny Depp – Charlie and the Chocolate Factory."

"Yeah. That one looks like a trippy good time."

Paige gave me a look. "Did you say hippie?"

I laughed. "No. _Trippy_."

"That's not even a word, hun."

"Well then…hippie works fine too."

She held out the box of candy. "Want some?"

I smiled. "No thanks. I think I'll just fill up at the butter pump."

"Ew," Paige laughed. "You're sick."

"Yeah, but that's why I am so loved by the masses," came my sarcastic reply.

"Aw come on. You _are_ loved."

I felt my face grow hot, so I turned away and grabbed a bottle of water.

I took a quick sip and Paige drew closer to me. "Hey…maybe we could sneak into the movie – if it's playing. Or really, any movie?"

I raised my eyebrows nearly to my hairline. "You're serious?"

"Yes! Come on, you only live once, right?"

"Not if you're a cat," I answered playfully. She pushed my shoulder.

"Then…_meow_ and let's do this before it's too late."

I stared into those eyes, they way they gleamed, I saw the definition of life radiating out of her.

It was now or never. I nodded. "Let's go," I whispered, and we snuck off, laughing softly all the way to the back.

Amazingly, we found an open theatre playing the movie we both wanted to see. "This must be our lucky day," Paige squealed and we bolted inside.

We sat down in the back row – just in case an authority figure decided to pop in. "I'm glad you thought of this," I said softly and she smiled.

"Just think of it as an extended break – with entertainment. Oh, and milk duds," she held them up proudly.

I laughed. "Now I know what to get you for your birthday."

"Actually…Johnny Depp is way yummier."

"Sorry, Paige. But the last time I captured a high-profile celebrity and chained them to my bed, the cops weren't too thrilled."

Paige laughed, rather loudly and I grabbed her arm, trying to hold back my laughter as well. "Shh!" I hissed, which only made us laugh more.

"Sorry," she said, just below a whisper. "Here –" she shoved a milk dud in my mouth. "This'll keep you from making me laugh."

"Jesus Christ, Paige," came out a little mumbled. I held it in my mouth and didn't chew, still I could manage a laugh of surprise.

I couldn't tear my eyes away. She had actually put a candy into my mouth. On her own. I felt goose bumps form on my arms.

The movie finally began, but I still stared at her and smiled. I chewed the candy and thought: _Damn, this really tastes good._

After the ending credits scrolled across the screen, I got up from my seat to check and see if we had any customers waiting. I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw only a janitor. Merri wasn't around either. Paige was right – this was our lucky day after all.

"Are we safe?" Paige whispered as I walked back to my seat.

"Yup. Just as dead as when we left."

"Ohh," she sighed. "Thank goodness."

"So, what did you think?" I asked.

"Not bad. Not bad at all. Although Johnny Depp looked kinda like Michael Jackson with the pale skin and all."

I laughed. "Yeah, he did kind of."

Paige stretched out in her seat and yawned. "This was the best break I've ever had. We should do this more often, and not just to be sneaks."

I smiled at her and felt very comfortable, almost sleepy. "I'd like that."

Gradually, she inched over in her seat until her head was resting on my shoulder. My heart started to pound. I felt her sigh into me, a soft breath on my collarbone._ Please – don't let anyone or anything interrupt this moment_, I thought.

"Alex?" Paige asked softly, not moving. "I don't want to go back to that concession stand. Do you?"

"Psh. Do I ever?"

She smiled and I felt it. "You really are sweet," she said suddenly. "I don't know why people think that you aren't."

"It's my problem," I answered solemnly. "No Alex. It's theirs."

I moved a little closer to her and caught the scent of her perfume – or lotion. It was always the same: apples.

Heaving a big sigh, she straightened her profile and gave me a tired smile. "We better get back now."

_I just want to sit here with you,_ I nearly blurted, but held it in. I followed her out of the theatre and we made a mad dash for the counter. Our hopes sank when we saw that Mary was there, talking to the janitor. She stopped in mid-sentence when she saw us.

"Now _where_ have you two been?"

Paige nudged me gently, signifying that she'd cover for us.

"Sorry…Merri but uh…my friend came to visit so I needed to you know, change my…"

Merri held up her hand. "Oh, alright. Don't worry about it."

Once she walked away, Paige and I burst out laughing. "_Nice._ That one always shuts them up."

"Exactly. I was tempted to add in bloody tampon, but that would've been a bit too much."

"And you think _I'm_ the sick one?" I laughed, giving her a playful shove.

"We're dangerous together." Paige admitted.

"Like Thelma and Louise?"

She tilted her head. "Maybe more like Laverne and Shirley."

"Yeah. Minus the fact that we don't work at a brewery."

"But there's soda. It's close right?"

I laughed. "Pretty close." For once in my entire life, I never wanted the day to end.


	4. Does Anybody Feel This Way?

**CHAPTER THREE:**

Falling asleep to the sounds of a heated discussion was something I had grown more than accustomed to. The smell of violence and hatred lingered in the air, ignored by all except myself. Normally it choked me into unconsciousness, but tonight was different. I tried mediating; tried desperately to clam my soul. I wanted to find the safe haven that was mine and mine alone. A dreamlike state where anger was nonexistent. It was impossible. I felt much too low for my aura to feel anything other than agony. Not even for fifteen minutes could all the vile words and actions of others be forgotten; only the trivial issues mattered, when it reality they shouldn't at all. I needed that bridge, or the sunset I would see when I'd sleep away from home. I needed that energy to flow through my body, help me to realize myself once more; help me to feel alive.

"All you do is ruin my life, you understand? You are good for _nothing_!" The drunken slur reverberated against my bedroom door.

I pulled the blanket off my bed and wrapped it around my shoulders. _"It's my problem." "No Alex. It's theirs."_

_Is it?_ I wondered. _Or am I just naturally cursed with bad luck?_ I knew Chad wasn't the result of anything I had done. Chad was simply the result of insecurity on my mother's part. She figured she needed a big strong man to keep her safe and happy, because that's what society is brainwashed into believing. We can't be happy without Mr. Right, we can't possibly feel safe without him either. We need him to fill the cavity or we feel weak. I didn't feel weak without Paige, I felt cold. She covered me like the blanket on my skin, kept me warm. I didn't need her for my own selfish reasons. I needed her because I actually loved her. I cursed Chad, and all that he stood for. Would he ever understand or appreciate the concept of unconditional love? No, never. He wouldn't know what it was until it entered his veins like an injection, felt it fill him up inside, consume every nerve-ending, devour his mindset entirely. It would always remain foreign to him, only a slight pinch on the arm every now and then.

To me it just wasn't a simple pinch, but an incision.

Pressing my face into my pillow, I tried closing my eyes. My whole body trembling, I drifted off into a hard sleep. When I awoke, it was nearly four in the morning. I trudged to the bathroom and coughed as I turned on the water. I grabbed my toothbrush, and couldn't help as I gagged on the toothpaste. My skin felt like it was burning. I let go of the blanket still around me with my free hand and examined my face in the mirror. Normally I always looked terrible, but never had I owned the definition of the word more than I did at that very moment. My eyelids felt heavy, and I could feel a blindingly sharp pain come in to play whenever I blinked. After I rinsed out my mouth, I started to cough up phlegm. Sighing deeply, I racked the medicine cabinet for the thermometer. I cleaned it off and waited for the reading. Throwing it down into the sink angrily, I felt beyond cursed, I had a fever of 101. Good times were obviously not in store for me as I headed back to bed.

All morning and afternoon my cell phone rang. I let all the calls go unanswered as I coped with my abrupt illness. At one point during the day I ventured into the kitchen for some hot tea, only to come across my mother slumped onto the couch, beer can in hand as she lay. Chad lie there on the floor, open-mouthed, and snoring like a buzz saw. When work time rolled around and my fever still hadn't downgraded, I decided to call in. Merri said she would have to get a hold of Paige. An intense feeling of guilt swept over me then.

"Merri," I began softly. "Tell Paige I'm sorry that she has to work, but my eyelids are swelling up like crazy."

"I'm sure she'll understand. If you're sick, you're sick."

"Okay," I breathed.

"Rest up, Alex. Sounds like you need it. Let me know when you feel well enough, alright?"

"Yeah. I will. Bye."

Standing under cold water in the hopes of bringing my fever down, I shivered. I let myself soak for at least an hour, lathering soap gently over my skin coated in goose bumps. I babied every body part; making sure everything got clean. Any other time an erotic fantasy involving Paige would be unleashed from the depths of my mind, but I just felt too sick, and the water was much too cold for that. My teeth chattered as I dried off and threw on a tank and boxer shorts. I climbed into bed, going to sleep with wet hair, pushing my face into fresh dampness now on my pillow. All I could think about was the post-movie closeness that occurred between Paige and I. She had actually trusted me enough to know that I wouldn't retract her affection. She felt comfortable with _me_ – of all people. I smiled at the image retained in my mind, and let it cradle me. Before I knew it, I was fast asleep.

Tuesday crept upon me like a looming shadow, and by that time I could finally return to work and school. I'd been to hell and back during those long, empty days and I'd never been happier to see the outside world again. As I descended the front steps of Degrassi I naturally wasn't noticed, but it didn't bother me. I would take invisibility over domestic disputes any day. Amy began to walk over to me, and I immediately turned the other way. Even though she went down on Jay, my group still decided to bring her along whenever we went out. I was furious with her for a very long time until I realized that Jay probably coaxed her into it. Realizing that detail didn't make me despise her any less, but for now I tolerated her as best as I could.

"Hey," she said to my back. Her greeting was met with silence.

"Alex…come on."

I stood there for a moment and then walked away, spotting a cheerleader here and there as I rounded the corner. Paige had to be close by. I saw Hazel and Darcy gathered around a bunch of others I wasn't familiar with, but no Paige. I walked into the building and took a drink from the water fountain. As soon as I stepped away, I spotted her by her locker, talking to Marco. He saw I was headed in their direction, so he nodded to Paige. She stopped mid-sentence and turned to look at me.

"Alex! Hey."

"Hi," I said casually. Marco took it as his cue to leave, and went off the way I'd come.

"So, Merri said you had some kind of nasty bug, huh?"

"More like a vicious beast determined to make my life a living hell."

"God. That really sucks. I'm sorry you felt so crappy."

I shrugged. "It's okay…sorry you had to work."

"Oh no biggie there. I owed you anyway since we both could've gotten fired from that whole movie ordeal."

_It would've been worth it knowing we'd get our asses booted out together._

"Actually I think if that happened, we should've gone into another one that was playing, just to spite Mary," I said with a grin.

Paige laughed. "You truly are an evil one."

"But that's why you love me." I replied sarcastically, but gulped once I realized I'd actually said it out loud.

"Mmm. Or it could just be your hot shades," Paige teased, giving a little wink.

We both laughed. "I'm working tonight…so I'll see you then."

Paige nodded. "I look forward to it."

I smiled. "See ya."

"Bye."

I had taken the bus to school, but instead of piling on with all the others, I decided to walk home. Just wasn't in the mood to fight tooth and nail for an empty seat that I knew didn't exist. I entered Coffee Bean a little tired, but then remembered I still was recovering from a fever, so I had reason to be. I ordered a an iced coffee and then headed for home, drinking it slowly; savoring the taste. _The bridge. _I thought. _I need to see it._ My legs practically useless by the time I arrived, I climbed a ways up, inwardly thanking myself I had purchased caffeine, and sat. I let out a rush of air from my lungs, and rested the coffee cup between my knees. Even though it would take a while, I waited patiently for the sunset. The alarm on my watch went off and I smiled. There it was. So beautiful, there was nothing else like it in the world. Enjoying my isolation, I sat back a bit and stared, closing my eyes to capture it in my memory. Click. I stayed until there was nothing but darkness and stars…once again.

"I wish for death. I wish for silence. I wish for them all to be zombies."

"Alex…you're weird."

I smiled, sliding a drink and popcorn to the anxious costumer. "Your point?"

Paige smiled and shook her head as she went to fill a couple more orders.

"If they were zombies they wouldn't want popcorn."

"I know. And I'd just feed them your brain – that's all."

"Ew!" She shrieked. "Stop it!"

I had a good laugh over that, and began wiping off the greasy countertop.

Once the concession line was bare, I decided to have a little fun. Adjusting my hat so that it appeared crooked, I rolled my eyes back so that only the whites showed.

"Paige!" I growled. " Must. Eat. Brains!" I made a little gagging noise for added effect, and I got a rolled up magazine thrown at my chest for my trouble.

"Funny. You should be a comedian."

I laughed, closing my eyes and rubbing them a bit. "Ow. That fucking hurt. Won't be doing that again."

"Good. And watch your mouth, too."

"Yes Mummy," I replied sarcastically.

"I'm serious Alex. You know how Mary gets."

"So? Why should it matter? We're adults."

"Oh, and that act you just pulled – was totally mature," she said rolling her eyes, giving me a tired look.

"Of course it was," I laughed.

Paige was silent. I groped for something appropriate to say.

"Hey…you okay?"

She sighed, picking up the magazine. "Yeah…we've just been working on this new cheer for Spirit Week like crazy, and right now – I _feel _like a zombie."

"Ah. I see. Can't say I can relate, though."

Paige smiled a little. "I know. Be happy you're not involved."

"Happy? What is this word you speak of?"

"Oh come on, Al." Paige sighed, her smile growing a bit wider.

"You felt happiness. Remember? The movie? Us being rebels? Ring a bell?"

"Yeah. That was probably the only time I've ever felt it."

"What?" Paige's eyes widened.

"Nothing," I replied quickly and turned away.

"No, what did you mean by that – exactly?"

_Nice going, dumb ass_, I thought dejectedly.

"I just meant that – when we saw that movie – it was the only time my life didn't suck."

I saw her face redden a little, but she quickly recovered. "Well…it _was_ our lucky day," she answered modestly.

The next couple of days approached slowly, but before I could even blink, it had been two weeks. Then two months. The eleven words I had said to Paige had changed everything between us from that day on. We finally began to realize that we had more in common than we initially thought. Things were different, better. There was no denying we had a stronger connection. I gave up the drugs – entirely. I didn't need that to feel anymore. What I felt sober was more than enough. The night of the Jay and Silent Bob premier upon us, I sat with Paige in her room while I did her makeup.

"Oh yeah. This lipstick will look perfect on you," I said with a smile, uncapping it.

"Well…that one's very - _bright_."

I laughed. "Yup. Now hold still so I don't get any on your teeth."

Next I applied some mascara, and there was something so sensual about being that close to her face. We'd giggle every so often and I'd nearly stab her in the eye in the process.

"Please Alex. Don't kill me."

I smiled, gently brushing out her bottom lashes. "I wouldn't dream of it."

There must've been something in the air that night. Perhaps it was the fact that I was no longer chemically dependent, and was thinking clearly for once. The cool, refreshing feeling of a slight breeze lulled me as it kissed my skin. For one reason or another my head was turned upward, taking in the stars. I thanked them for being there, for being real, and for letting me know that there was a reason to smile – and that reason laced her arm with mine as we gave that red carpet a confident strut. Never had I felt so glamorous in all my life. Having Paige on my arm felt like I was living out a fantasy. Unfortunately, all of the magic seemed to drain from the room whenever I was aware of Jay's presence. He knew how to make me miserable with the simple utterance of only three or four words, and it was enough to make me vomit. How did this man even dare to call himself human?

I knew he was jealous of Paige and I. He hadn't bothered with me at all up until now. The bastard. He had to have been crazy to think he could just come along and sweep me right back into his arms. He was dreaming, and would never wake up. Not that I minded this. I couldn't wait to dance with Paige. I secretly had been waiting for a moment such as this. She seemed very comfortable with me, and with that being so, the smile never left my face. She kept her body dangerously close to me, and didn't pull away. The contact burned like hell, and I loved every second of it. The electricity between us was an inferno, so much that it was amazing our bodies weren't literally ablaze. Initially, I blamed it on the lighting, but knew it ran much deeper than that. I should've said yes when she asked if I'd ever felt drunk without drinking. I _was_ drunk, and she was my alcohol. It was happiness she felt, I knew because it's what I felt too. I only felt it around her.


	5. To Be Alone

A/N: I had the hardest time trying to figure out where I wanted to go with this. That on top of family issues made it all the more difficult. I haven't forgotten that whole "road trip" idea that was introduced in the first chapter, so expect to see Palex tackle the open road in the next chapter. :0)

CHAPTER FOUR:

The closing of her bedroom door that night felt like a hard slap in the face, but after I sat there a while I realized why she left me alone. I wasn't a person one would willingly agree to getting mixed up with, unless maybe they were high or wanted to score a free coffee. After all, she seemed to decide that I no longer existed seeing as how Hazel claimed her other ticket to the premier. Who really knows why she even bothered getting another ticket for me. It was more than a shock to have it suddenly placed into my hand. That simple acted proved she was more human than anyone I had ever known; no one would even dream of doing such a thing for me. Nothing would have satisfied me more than to gain access to all of her thoughts after that door closed behind her. Part of me wanted to run out, grab her and ask a barrage of questions, but the rational part told me to just give her the space that she obviously needed.

Although it was a selfish thing not to let another convalesce and distance themselves from you a great deal, it is excruciating when nothing at all is said. It killed me to brush off her comment of how I meant nothing to her, because deep down inside of me I knew it wasn't okay, and it wasn't going to be unless I could once again seal the space between us. If not with a kiss, than an embrace; anything to let her know that what I felt stretched far beyond sexual attraction, and channeled into the inner depths of her very being. I knew Paige was a very complex person, and there was so much more to her than what she put on display. That's why I never gave up, not even for a second. I wasn't crazy for thinking that there was more to it than having someone just to show them off like a trophy. Relationships, of any nature, had to mean something, or otherwise they'd be entirely superficial. I wasn't a saint, or stupid, and of course my thoughts often were impure of this woman, but that's just what they were – thoughts. Not actions.

It had taken me an entire school year before I could even kiss Paige, but I had dreamed of it for so long. I had even planned out exactly how I wanted my lips to touch hers. Softly and very and innocently, to let her know that I was serious, and that I loved her. I expected her to pull away, so I wasn't surprised when she did. Secretly I had hoped that she wanted it, but in the end, I was unclear of what she felt. Did she only kiss me back because she was as vulnerable as I was at the time? Or did she not even realize what she was doing? So many questions flooded my mind. I did not appreciate the emotional roller coaster Paige put me through, but if I learned anything during the entire ordeal it was that I had to be patient.

The day after Paige apologized was awkward. Neither of us knew how to act around one another, or what to say. We knew that us making up wouldn't result in big fake smiles plastered on our faces for the public letting them know everything was fine. Things were not going to fall into place in the blink of an eye, it was going to take a bit of time, like anything else. The first week of work and school, we desperately tried to avoid talking, looking, or even slightly brushing against each other when one of us went by. It was as if one of us carried the plague. I kept my head down all the time. My good friend the floor was getting a tremendous amount of attention. The weekend came and went, and suddenly it was Monday again.

"Paige, we have more cups in the back, right?" How very bold of me.

"Yah," she said, flipping through a magazine, obviously distracted.

"Goody," I replied sarcastically and shuffled off to collect about ten or so.

I knew they were there. I just wanted her to look at me.

Sighing, I carefully reached out to grab a stack, but then retracted my hand, as I thought of something.

Peering over my shoulder for any witnesses, I sucked in a breath, balled up my fist and sent four rows of cups flying off the shelf and onto the floor.

"Shit!" I screeched. I cleared my throat, thinking it sounded too phony. "Crap! Damn it! SHIT!"

"What? What happened?" I heard Paige ask franticly.

"Ohh, jeeze. Alex." She breathed, sympathy flooding her voice.

"Um, here. Let me help."

She tucked a stray hair behind her ear and we squatted down to clean up the mess.

"How'd you manage that?" She asked.

"I don't know. Guess I'm just a gifted klutz." I couldn't help the smile that was forming.

"Well you sure seem happy about it."

"Oh right. I should be crying then, since this does mean the apocalypse is coming."

Paige laughed her little breathy laugh and reassembled two fallen stacks.

"What am I going to do with you?" She put a hand on her hip, a playful glint in her eye I hadn't seen for ages.

I couldn't speak. I felt frozen to the floor.

I smiled at her a little, and bent to pick up more cups.

"Alex…stop."

I did. Our eyes locked.

Slowly she reached out and enclosed her fingers around the collar of my uniform and pulled me to her. We stood there, nose-to-nose, each of us afraid to make the first move. My heart was beating so fast, she could probably hear it.

"Paige?" I didn't know what else to say. I found that her name was something I never grew tired of saying. Sometimes when I was alone, I would roll it around in my mouth to simply bring the image of her to my mind.

She traced my collarbone gently with her finger, and I could no longer stand it. The space once against locked between us, I instantly felt better. Paige deepened the kiss with such an intensity, that I was almost knocked to the floor, but I wouldn't allow it. That floor didn't deserve any bit of the attention it received. I would make sure my line of vision stayed on the only person that mattered.

Reluctantly, I pulled away from her and gave her hand a squeeze. "We better get back to work."

"I have a better idea," Paige said softly. "I'm thinking…vacant theatre…semi-darkness…front row privacy?"

I had to laugh. "Paige…at this job place your boss gives you a paycheck for how many hours you've _worked_, not for how many you've made out in an empty theatre."

She pushed my shoulder. "Don't be so negative. We didn't get caught the last time we snuck away, why should today be any different?"

"Well, for one, our luck might run out."

"Tomorrow then?"

I pretended to ponder the thought. "Hmm. Let me think. Um. _Yes_."

Paige giggled, throwing her arms around my neck. "You're such a dork."

"Yeah, and you're stuck with me."

"I'm not complaining."

I grinned. "Good."

Twenty minutes into my shift the next day, Paige walked up to me, putting her lips next to my ear. "How much time do you think we have?" I scanned the place quickly. Since it was a Tuesday, no one was really around. "By the looks of it, I'd say…thirty at least. Give or take a few. I saw Meeri go out for a smoke, you know how many of those things she sucks down."

"Thirty? That's pushing it, don't you think?"

"Maybe. But it's worth the risk."

Paige smiled and reached for my hand. "Okay. Come on."

We went into a theatre in the outermost reaches of the concession stand so as to avoid getting caught. Paige laced her fingers through my own and slowly guided me down into a seat in the very front. I started laughing when the back of the seat groaned with our impact, so she covered my mouth with a kiss. We broke apart laughing when it starting groaning again.

"God! This is terrible!" I said, her face inches from mine.

"Yeah, but kissing you isn't."

"Aw. You deserve a cookie for that one," I teased, planting soft kisses on her neck. I felt her shudder.

"Oh. You found my weak spot. Damn you."

"I couldn't help but notice," I laughed.

"I bet you have one too," Paige purred.

"My only weakness is Italian food, honey."

"Riight. I'll find it – don't you worry."

"What if it's below the belt?" I retorted, wiggling my eyebrows.

I saw a bit of blush creep onto her face. "Oh stop," she replied playfully, but I could tell I had embarrassed her some.

She rested her forehead on my shoulder as I undid a few buttons to gain better access to her collarbone. I kissed the spot that caves in when she breathes, and let my bottom lip graze against the well-pronounced bone, occasionally tasting her with my tongue. She responded to that even more and I heard a soft moan escape her lips.

"You like that?" I whispered lovingly, pausing to look into her eyes.

"Mmm." I truly was experiencing a very different side of her.

"Don't stop. Ever."

I chuckled, kissing her cheek.

"Hey…you want to watch the sunset with me tonight? We'll get some coffee and just sit there on the bridge."

"I'd love to," she whispered, removing my visor.

I held onto her hand as we drove to Coffee Bean, only letting go long enough to get out of the car.

"Do they make decent coffee here?"

"Oh yeah. It's better than that crapola they serve at the Dot."

Paige giggled, putting her arm around my waist as we walked. "I'll take your word for it."

Forgotten memories suddenly came flooding back to me as we made our way up to the side of the bridge. The majority of them were all negative. I had spent too many a night sleeping at the shelter not far from here, trying to make sense of my life. Most of those never-ending nights were cold, and when the sun awoke in the morning, it whipped you straight into vigilance. Regardless of the temperature, my skin would be coated in sweat, hair matted to my head, rambunctious activity all around. Homeless people would begin their normal drill of begging you to give them a few dollars. The sweet lady standing off to the right at the exit would hand me a small bag filled with a few breakfast foods to get me through the morning. I would thank her, and mean it. She'd nod, the smile never fading from her face, and watch me as I left.

I'd then go to watch the sun peak out from under it's hiding place. If only I had someplace such as that to hide away every night. Nibbling at the pastry that was still warm, I'd just close my eyes for a moment and let the wind pass through my hair and ruffle my clothing. In that moment I'd pretend I was someone else. Someone who was just sitting here for the thrill of it, someone that wasn't transparent and unloved. But then my watch would beep, signifying it was time to take off for school, and my reverie would shatter itself.

As I sat with Paige I tried to shake off the wave that had just soaked me through, and give her a smile. She smiled back.

"What are you thinking about, hun?"

"A lot of things."

I was going to remain silent, but decided against it.

"I don't ever want to see another shelter."

Paige reached for my hand and squeezed it.

"You know you can always call me if it isn't safe. I'll come get you – no matter what time it is."

"I know. Thank you."

Paige kissed my temple and we sat close together, waiting patiently for the sunset.

_I'm okay with being patient._ I decided. _Just one day at a time._


	6. Washes of Pulsating Color

**A/N: **I know I said that in this chapter, Paige and Alex would take on the road trip, but I started writing, and as I went along, I realized that it has to build up to that. I figured with this chapter I'd focus more on their relationship as an official couple. By Chapter Six or Seven, I should have the idea covered, as well as some twists and turns. I actually have something big planned out, but it isn't 100 percent clear just yet, so I need to do some brainstorming. Anywho, hope you enjoy the new chapter, and once again, thanks for the feedback:0)

**CHAPTER FIVE:**

The next day at school neither of us planned on consciously displaying our relationship status, it just crept in naturally. Paige and I had simply been chatting with Marco about the night of the premier, and without warning, Paige grabbed a hold of my hand ever so casually and gave it a squeeze. I gazed down at them interlocked for a moment, then looked into her eyes which had been observing me. Smiling, I nudged her shoulder flirtatiously.

"Um…" Marco began, at a loss for words.

"What?" Paige asked nonchalantly.

"You are aware that you're holding Alex's hand, right?"

"Yes hun, I'm very aware."

"Okay, what the hell happened between you too?"

I chuckled. "It's real simple, Marco. I like Paige, she likes me. So, we're together."

"Whoa, wait, slow down, okay? When did this happen?"

The sound of the warning bell flooded our ears, clearly disappointing Marco, by the expression on his face. "Yeah it figures. Well, somebody better fill in these gaps for me later, because I'm confused as all hell."

Paige sighed. "Alright, if it'll make you happy."

He smiled. "Thanks. I'll catch you guys later," Marco waved and ran off into the building.

"Maybe we should've prepared a state of the union address or something…at least that way the story wouldn't have a different version each time we tell someone," I suggested, grinning at Paige.

"What business is it of anyone's really? This is how rumors start."

"Babe, this isn't a rumor…we're actually dating."

"I know, but you're familiar with the whole telephone game, I'm sure. One person says one thing and it gets twisted around, and by the time it reaches the last person, who knows what will be floating around?"

"Look Paige, I don't care if they say that we've performed in strip clubs with fake ID's and had fifty dollar bills thrown at us. _We_ know that whatever is said isn't true, but the only thing that is is that we care about each other."

Paige relaxed a little, slowly breaking the contact of our hands so she could slink her arm around my waist. "You're right. I know better than that. Just nerves I guess."

"You'll be fine. _We'll_ be fine," I reassured her.

She nodded, her eyes locked straight ahead of her, unblinking. I could feel her heart pounding, so I gave her torso a squeeze as we walked to our first class of the day.

The whispering and disparaging stares were initiated by members of the Spirit Squad, who in turn spread word around like fire.

After I finished my assignment for 4th period, I typed a new Dmail message to Paige:

_I think I've lost count of how many times I've been called a dyke today._

A few moments later I received her reply: _Oh that's nothing. Someone asked me if I'd ever seen the movie "But I'm a Cheerleader." I said no. Something told me to ask Marco, I had a feeling he'd know and he did of course, seeing as how the movie is about a cheerleader who discovers she's a lesbian._

I smiled as I typed back: _Hey, maybe we should rent that._

Knowing full well that her tone in the message was sarcastic, I laughed to myself a bit: _Cute Alex. Really._

_Just screw 'em. Who cares what they say. They'll get over it. Oh hey, do you realize we actually don't have to work tonight? So let's break out the chips and salsa and have a fiesta. _I tapped my fingers rhythmically on the desk as I awaited her response.

_Thanks for the remind, I nearly forgot! I took the van to school today, so ride home with me, okay?_

_Can't wait. This has been a long-ass day._

My heart begin to thud once I read her last reply:_ It'll get better later, trust me._

As I slid into the passenger side of Paige's van, I couldn't help but ask. "What did you mean in your last IM?"

I saw her smile as she clicked on her seatbelt. "You'll find out, hun."

Feeling a combination of excitement and nervousness, I looked down at my feet. I wasn't sure how to respond, but I couldn't help it as my playfulness got the best of me.

"Did you get me a puppy?"

Paige laughed. "Darn. How on earth did you guess?"

I smiled. "It's a gift."

We both laughed quietly then and remained silent for the duration of the ride.

Once we arrived at her house, entering through the garage, Paige called out into the foyer: "Hello? Mom, Dad? Anyone here?" Silence.

"Hello?" She tried again.

"Hmm. I guess they went out," Paige chirped, trotting over to the pantry. "You know, I wonder if we _have_ any chips and salsa."

I laughed, wrapping my arms around her from behind, following her line of vision from over her shoulder. "Well, we do have Doritos, pretzels, Oreos, left-over bags of Halloween candy, Saltines…hm. No tortilla chips. That sucks! I mean we have all this crap, but not plain-ole chips?"

"It doesn't matter," I chuckled, kissing the back of her neck.

"Mmm. You've gotta stop that." She whispered, almost a purr.

"I'm like a leech when it comes to weak spots. Once I find it, I don't let go."

"Mmm-hmm." I could tell she was smiling. Very gently, Paige removed my hands and spun around to face me.

"But anyway, what do you want? Take your pick."

"You," I replied, a smile creeping onto my face.

I pressed a hard kiss onto her mouth, which left her flushed.

I hadn't kissed her all day and it felt great to finally do it.

She quickly recovered herself and gave a confident smile. "I meant a snack."

"Oh, well why didn't you say so?" I teased. "I'll take the pretzels."

"Pretzels it is. Come on, let's go on up to my room."

I tried to control myself as I watched Paige take off her bag, and kick off her shoes. She fluffed out her hair a bit and bounced onto the bed with the snack food.

She handed me a large handful, then poured her own.

"You know," I began as I chewed. "These taste extra-good. I think it's because you touched them."

Paige laughed. "Why do you seem to have this morbid fantasy of eating me? I thought I was dating Alex not Hannibal Lecter."

I giggled, scooting closer to her. "You know what I meant by that remark earlier, silly. Now eating stuff _off_ of you, that I might do."

Paige's face turned three different shades of pink, as she stared down into her lap, pushing away the pretzel bag.

"Okay! So anyway…" she began, getting up from the bed, and walking over to her entertainment center. "Do you want to watch a movie? I have like a billion DVDs. Even some comedy specials I borrowed from Dylan."

Amused, I took off my shoes and laid back on her soft bed. "I'll watch whatever you want to watch. I'm not picky."

"Um…okay." She scanned the spines of the cases until she found something she wanted and popped it in.

I wasn't too focused on which movie it was, I found I couldn't tear my eyes away from Paige. I took in every little movement she made, down to the way her breathing had grown more irregular. Clearly, she was a bundle of nerves. I felt bad for her, but at the same time thought it was endearing._ I _was doing this to her. _Me._ Alex Nunez. Slowly, I inched my hand over until it rested comfortably on top of Paige's and waited for her reaction. Finally, she acknowledged the contact and flashed a quick smile. Her eyes were clouded with worry, and I wish I knew why.

"Paige?" I asked softly.

"Hm?" Her gaze hadn't shifted from the television screen.

"Look at me for a sec, babe." I coaxed.

She sighed in an almost irritated way, but the look in her eyes told me she was upset.

"Did I do something wrong?"

"No. It's just well…I thought tonight would be "the night," but now I'm just so damn scared that I don't know what to think anymore."

"It's okay, honey. Really. You don't have to feel pressured. Sorry if I've been coming on a little too strong. I don't mean to make you uncomfortable."

"You don't, and I do trust you, a lot. I just don't think we should rush into sex."

"I understand," I replied gently, pushing away those pesky blonde locks that had fallen into her eyes. "And I'm fine with it."

She smiled as she leaned in to kiss my forehead. "You're a goddess."

I laughed. "That couldn't be farther from the truth."

"No, it is."

"Alright. If you insist," I smirked, repaying her with a soft brush of the lips.

She leaned in farther to deepen the contact, completely blowing my mind as she did so. She was kissing me ten times as harder as I did before. I moaned into her mouth and her fingers found their way into my hair, gently pulling me in closer. I rested my hand on her back, trailing my palm up and down, feeling the warmth of her body. Breaking the kiss slowly, she smiled into my eyes.

"Wow," was all I could manage to say.

"Didn't say I was done," she giggled. Grabbing a hold of my hands, she pushed me down gently onto the bed, kissing down the length of my neck. "Your skin is amazing." I barely caught those whispered words because I had simply lost myself in her at that moment, and honestly never wanted to find my way out. It was safe there. I knew my aura was glowing. So badly did I want to say the words, but would she even hear them? She kissed the corner of my mouth, bringing me back; out of the ocean that was her soul, blinking, panting in front of her worried eyes.

"Are you okay, baby?"

"Yeah. Yes. I'm fine."

"Had me scared for a minute, there."

"Sorry," I whispered hoarsely.

She kissed my shoulder and then nestled herself down beside me on the bed. It was hard for me to register what happened. All she did was kiss me, and I had drifted off, drowning in her energy. It was almost like an out-of-body experience. No wonder I had scared her. She glided her fingers up and down my arm and I smiled. Despite whatever had actually occurred, I just knew that for once in a very long time I was happy.


	7. Let's Act Like Children

**A/N: **I thought I'd try something a little different with this chapter. I know flashbacks are used a lot in stories, but as far as the nature of the flashback is concerned, this will be quite different. It fills in some gaps that were stated in the prologue. Initially, I wasn't going to venture any deeper into Alex's hallucinations, but this idea virtually came right out of the blue one day at work, so I decided to just go with it. There's a lot more drama in this chapter as well. I tried to make it as believable as possible, and I never water down insults. I MIGHT have another chapter out much later tonight, but we'll see how that goes.

**CHAPTER SIX:**

"Alex? Come on, get up sleepyhead," came her soft plea, driving me into a semi-conscious state.

"What time is it?" I groaned.

"Six-thirty."

"Ugh. Too damn early." I slung an arm over my face.

"Well, there is that place called school we have to go to…"

"So?"

"So open your pretty eyes and get ready."

Yawning, I reluctantly pulled myself into a half-sitting position and ran a hand through my tousled hair.

"Shit. I just realized I didn't bring a change of clothes."

"You can borrow something of mine," Paige suggested.

I laughed. "Right. That idea is perfectly sane."

Taking offense to my remark, Paige shot me a look. "What's the big deal, they're just clothes."

"They're YOUR clothes, honey. I can't wear them."

"Okay fine then you mule. Just wear what you already have on."

"I need a shower."

"Hun, we need to be out the door by seven. You don't have enough time for that."

"I NEED to go home and shower. If it makes me late, I could care less."

"Um hello? I'm the one who drove, remember?"

"Well then let me borrow your car."

"The van isn't mine. Mom already left for work."

I sighed angrily, falling back onto the bed. "God. You know what then? Screw it. I'm not going to school."

"We have a science test today."

"So what? I'll make it up. And you know what else? You're going to join me."

"Oh no. No, no, no. My parents will find out. And then we'll get detention."

I laughed. "You make detention sound like a life sentence. You need to live a little every now and then, babe."

"Believe me, Alex. That I've done."

"Oh yeah? What risks have you taken?"

"Well for one, I smashed Spinner's car into an ex's…I pulled Manny's dress off in front of the entire school because she put me in a cast, I dated a student teacher, I…"

"Whoa, slow down there, Speedy. I'm just curious, why did you wreck your ex's car?"

In the silence that followed my inquiry, I couldn't help but notice the abrupt change in her features. She wrung her hands together and couldn't look me in the eye.

"Its…" She shrugged. "It's not important."

"Yeah it is. You're a bad liar," I whispered, lightly grazing my fingers over her cheek.

She flinched at the contact and grabbed a hold of my hand, placing it on her kneecap. "I really don't want to talk about it."

Her eyes were pleading with me to not pry any further into the issue and I relented. "Okay."

"I don't like seeing you like this."

She nodded, and I let my hand return to her face, slowly tracing the outlines with my index finger, watching as worry lines surfaced on her creamy skin.

She finally looked up at me, and her expression was the most insecure I'd ever seen.

"It's okay."

She blinked slowly, a deep exhalation escaping her lips.

"Are you sure…you really want this? I'm not Jay. I'm not like anyone you've dated."

"Paige, I like you for that very reason. If you were like Jay, I wouldn't even look at you."

"I just…don't want to disappoint you."

"Don't worry about it. Smile, okay? I love seeing you smile."

She smiled, but down into her lap, which made me chuckle. "I'm up here."

"Oh, I forgot," she teased, a playful glint in her eyes now evident.

I moved my hand back down to her knee, and slowly leaned in, watching as her eyes drifted shut in anticipation.

I initiated the kiss, but she deepened it, giving my just-awakened senses a jolt as I moaned into her. She obviously was catching on to just how much power she had over me, and I knew that she secretly loved it. She loved to be the one in control.

That's why she broke the kiss just as it was becoming heated and said, "guess what? We're going to school!"

It was alright. I'd get her back for that.

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"Okay. So you, Paige Michalchuk are dating Alex? You're _dating_ her?" I heard Hazel ask Paige on my way to her locker.

"Yes! Why are you making this into such a big thing?"

"Um because it is a big thing. You're dating a _girl!_"

"Thanks Haze, I hadn't realized. What would I do without your strict attention to detail?" Paige retorted sarcastically.

"Can't you see how incredibly weird this is? Since when are you into girls?"

"Hazel, why don't you shut up?" I interrupted, grabbing onto Paige's arm.

"No, why don't _you_ just mind your own business and stay out of it."

"Paige. This is going to completely tarnish both our reputations. Do you know how bad this will make me look? People will think that you've kissed me, it's disgusting!"

"You know what, just STOP IT!" Paige yelled, slamming her locker door shut. "Do me a favor Hazel. Take that condescending attitude of yours and go preach it to someone who actually gives a damn, because I sure as hell _don't_."

"Fine! And if you're going to continue sucking face with that ugly dyke, then you're off the squad!"

"I'm the team captain! You _can't_ fire me."

"Oh yes I can. I'll make sure that you aren't even so much as two feet near the gym tomorrow morning."

"You've completely lost your mind, haven't you?" I could tell Paige was on the verge on tears. I loosened my grip on her, and comfortingly ran my fingers up and down the length of her arm.

"No Paige, you're the one who's lost it obviously." I felt her body tense angrily and instinctively put some space between the two of them for fear of Paige striking Hazel.

"It's not worth it," I said softly, and watched as Hazel's expression changed.

"Since when are you the peacemaker? I'm surprised _you_ haven't attempted to slug me yet, being a _lesbian_ and all."

"Alex let's go," Paige growled, more to Hazel than me. "Let's go NOW."

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Neither of us said a word the entire ride to Paige's house. Normally, I welcomed silence with open arms, but this time I had never needed noise more than I did at that very moment. It was frightening and highly uncomfortable. Who knows what was going on in that head of hers? Maybe she planned to drop me off at my house instead and never again utter a single word to me. Maybe her reputation meant more to her than I did.

"Are you okay?" I asked her, and she snapped a quick glance over to me, obviously startled by my sudden interjection.

"I don't know," came out low and strained, as if she'd been crying.

More silence followed, but it was short-lived.

"Do you want me to take you home?"

"That depends. Do you not want me around?"

"Of course I want you around. I just…didn't know if you had higher priorities."

"I have a shift, but I'm going to call in sick. What could be more important than you?"

She gave a sad smile and I watched as a fresh set of tears streaked her face. She reached for my hand and squeezed it tightly.

"Okay," was all she said. I ran my thumb over the side of her hand soothingly, and soon after she began to finally relax.

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I remember the soft orange light as it illuminated my bedroom. The warm hand, entwining with my own, leading me away from loud voices, and slamming doors. Being so low to the ground, I carried a fear of being stepped on, but it quickly dissipated when he walked into the room, because I knew then that I was safe. There wasn't always snow on the ground, but I remember how cold the window was when I pressed my small hand against it; feeling the frigidness run through my palm and stop at my toes. Tears of anger would run down his face, but he'd hastily wipe them away as soon as he approached me; almost as if he couldn't bear for me to see him distraught. He'd put my coat and hat on and push my nose playfully, knowing full well it would earn a small smile from me.

"Are we going to the park?"

"No honey, we're going to go to our special place, remember?"

Strapped into my car seat, he'd smile as he'd hand me a bag of red jelly beans. Those were the only flavor I'd eat.

With a wink he'd shut the door and off we drove for hours on end, never going anyplace, but the image of were we'd like to be engraved into our minds. As our imaginations cooked up just what one would find in our special place that was reserved only for us.

"Cotton candy!" I'd giggle. "Lots and lots!"

"How about unicorns?" He'd suggest.

"Yeah! With rainbow hair to match the sky."

"Rainbow hair, how pretty. What about goldfish, like the kind you get at the carnival, swimming around the bank?"

"Yeah!"

"How many goldfish, Lexy?"

"A hundred! No, five hundred billion!"

He laughed. "That sure is a lot."

Somehow, silence would edge its way in, but never lasted too long.

"Look out your window, Lexy. See the moon up there?"

I'd crane my neck upwards, staring out the window. "Yeah, I see it. It's following us," I observed.

"Remember the story I told you about the moon?"

Playing with the automatic buttons on the armrest of the car door like I usually did, a bit of a chill seeped in, causing me to shiver inside my parka.

"Yup," I chirped, distracted.

"Well what did I tell you, silly?" He pressed, laughing a bit.

"You said that the moon will always be there."

"Right. Do you remember what else?"

I shook my head, even though he couldn't see it.

"Lexy?"

I giggled, taking it as my cue to stop letting the cold winter air into the car.

"At the end of the day, the stars and the moon are really the only things that make any bit of sense. They're mysterious, but its where all of the answers to our questions lie."

Having no clue as to what he meant I'd just bob my head up and down enthusiastically and continue staring out the window, playing a game with the glowing crescent. I'd duck my head down so it couldn't see me, then straighten my body up erect in my seat, trying to alarm it.

"You're right, Daddy." I'd laugh. "it never goes away!"


	8. I Found My Own College

**A/N: **Well, I kept my word after all. I'm surprised at myself because it's been a long day. The late night hours when people are normally sound asleep is when inspiration strikes me. Thank you SO much for the kind feedback, because I am normally so critical of my work, and I get nervous whenever I see that someone has reviewed me. So, thank you again. Hope everyone likes this chapter. I'm off to the land of nod. D

**PS:** As for the format being a little funky, I apologize for that. I insert asterisks as I'm typing to signify a jump in the story or in the case of Chapter Six, a flashback, but for some reason they just don't show up on the live preview. Hopefully the site will stop being a potato and magically fix itself soon.

**CHAPTER SEVEN:**

I didn't realize how long I was gone. I had closed off any bit of reality around me as the memories engulfed my mind; they stung me, stained me, and made me wish things were still that simple. With the utterance of only four words from Paige, I jumped clear out of my skin.

"Alex, are you okay?

I ran my hand over my face, discreetly wiping away any trace of emotion on my features.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just thinking," I answered, my voice sounding unfamiliar.

"You zone out a lot."

Clearing my throat, I straightened my posture in the seat. "Stoners often do."

"You're not a stoner," Paige stated, pulling into the driveway of her house.

"Okay so it's past tense. But that doesn't mean the long-term effects of it are just going to leave my body."

Remaining silent, Paige collected her bag from the backseat as well as my own.

"Are you sure you don't want me to go home? I mean, you haven't had a chance to get cleaned up or anything."

"I'm sure, and I would be an ass to leave you alone right now."

She nodded, and at that moment a single tear ran down her cheek. I wiped it away before it fell onto her clothing. She hung her head down, unwilling to let me see her cry.

I began to very gently stroke her hair. "It's okay. It'll be okay."

She leaned into me, and in a second I wrapped my arms around her. "God. What the hell is wrong with her? I thought friends were supposed to support you."

"Well…" I shrugged and felt my eyes begin to sting.

"She just…thinks everything is black and white."

"I don't understand why she thinks it's so wrong for me to care about you."

"I don't understand it either, babe. She's just afraid and ignorant."

"It's so stupid of her to be afraid."

"I know. But people are stupid."

"Hey," I whispered, cupping her cheek so that she would look at me. "Don't cry. She'll come around. That is, if you even want her to anymore."

"I…I don't know. She really screwed me over."

Her sobbing increased, but I only held on tighter. "Shhh. It's okay. You're gonna make me cry, too."

Slowly, she lifted her head from my embrace and stared at me. Her eyes were glossy and swollen; it was hard to see the blue in them. Or green. They changed colors like a mood ring.

"Let's go inside, okay? I want to put this day behind me."

"Alright," I replied gently, kissing her forehead.

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"What time do your parents get home?" I asked once we entered through the garage door.

"Mom is home around 5:30, Dad comes in around 6."

"Kay," I nodded, following Paige upstairs to her room.

"If you want to shower here, you can."

"Do you have something I could change into?"

"I'll look though my closet and see what I can find."

"I'm not going to attempt to make a crack about your wardrobe because again, that would equal my being an ass."

A smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. "You're not even close to being an ass, okay? And anyway, the word ass is spelled H-A-Z-E-L not A-S-S."

"Heh. I second that. Be back in fifteen, okay?"

"Okay hun."

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I turned the water as hot as it could possibly go, and flinched under the heat as it hit my skin. It felt great. By the time I stepped out, I knew I'd been showering for more than fifteen minutes, but my mind had gone astray as I stood under the faucet, wanting to get the bitter taste of this horrible day out of my mouth. I wrapped myself in the closest towel and opened the bathroom door to see Paige sitting patiently on her bed. She jumped up immediately and walked over to me, handing me a set of clothes.

"Here. It's a plain t-shirt and jeans. There's some underwear and stuff in there too."

"Thanks," I replied, unable to hide my smile at how nervous she'd become.

"Unless…you'd rather I just prance around your room naked?"

Paige rolled her eyes. "Alex, you slay me. Now get dressed."

"Whatever. You know that you're removing this towel with your eyes as we speak."

"Uh-huh. Right."

"Just admit it."

"I'll admit that I need a shower as well."

"Oh fine, take the easy way out," I called out teasingly as she closed herself inside the bathroom.

I quickly got dressed, wrapping the towel around my wet hair. I climbed onto Paige's bed and settled in for some TV until she was through with her shower.

The sound of the door opening tore my attention away from the TV. Once I saw her, I couldn't help but smile at her in pajamas. They were nothing more than a purple t-shirt with the words "LA, California" scrawled across the front and a black pair of yoga pants, but she just carried that all-too-innocent look as met my eye. Slowly, she approached my relaxed form.

"Comfy?"

"I'll be even more comfy if you join me," I answered softly.

Smiling warmly, she curled up next to me on her bed.

"So you feeling better now?" I asked as she rested her head gently in the crook of my neck.

"As long as you're here, I'm fine."

I felt my throat constrict at the sincerity of her words and my heart beat picked up a little.

"I think the feeling is mutual."

"Move in, Alex," Paige mumbled almost sleepily.

I giggled. "With your parents? How nice."

"Well, it feels like you do actually live here."

"Yeah it does. But I have to go home eventually."

"I know."

We lay there silently for a moment, just content to hold each other. I was very thankful that the earlier events of the day were now only a memory. I'm sure Paige felt the exact same way, if not more so.

"Hey remember back before we starting dating, I asked you if you wanted to hit the road with me?"

"Yeah. I remember."

"You still up for that idea?"

"Yes. Definitely."

"Awesome. I'm thinking…next weekend, maybe?"

"I'm there. We are so getting the hell out of here."

I laughed. "Just the response I had hoped for. Where do you think we should go?"

"I don't know sweetie. Anywhere at this point. Even if we just drive around in circles for days on end."

I laughed again, placing a soft kiss on her lips. "Alrighty then."

"I'll look into it though. We need to go someplace that kicks the ass out of anything else."

"Don't think you have to overdo it, hun. We'd only be going away for the weekend."

"I think we're entitled to more than a lousy two-day trip don't you?"

"Sure, but we have school to worry about."

"Kids take vacations all the time. This shouldn't be any different."

"Think of all the work we'd have to make up, though. Ugh. Sheer madness."

I smiled down at her, running my fingers through her damp hair. "Yeah, but just think of how much it'll be worth it."

"Mmm. Yeah."

Sighing slightly, Paige moved her head so that it rested on the pillow next to me. "What am I gonna do about Hazel and the squad?"

"Um. Set them on fire?" I offered, feigning seriousness.

She was trying her hardest to not be amused by my good-natured attempt at lifting her spirits.

"Come on, Alex."

"Well…I don't know. Maybe…try to explain to Hazel how you really feel. Nail it into her thick skull that you just won't take her crap."

"She's too pompous for that. She won't listen at all."

"Make her listen."

"You don't know her, Alex. She thinks she owns not only Degrassi, but the entire world, and everything she says is right."

"Sounds to me that she's nothing more than a bitch and you shouldn't waste your time with her."

"I've tried brushing her off before, but the very next day she latches right onto me again, clinging for life."

"Hmm. I really don't know what to tell you Paige except…hope that one day she'll actually become human."

"I guess."

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After countless hours of making out under the covers, leaving each other gasping for breath, tangled limbs absorbed into the sheets. Shy giggles, hushed moans. Two heartbeats combined into one, discovering a different side to one another as the day wore on. In that moment as one she had broken the hard shell that had preserved my raw emotions bottled away for so long and smiled directly into my eyes. She saw me for who I was, not what I'd become. She saw the little girl in the backseat of the ratty old station wagon playing games with the moon. She saw the unicorns, rainbows, cotton candy, and the goldfish. She was able to read into my past as if it were a chapter book. And she kissed away the tears that were beginning to well up in my eyes, kissed away all the pain of my childhood that had been stripped bear because of my mother's stupidity.

"Alex?" She whispered, her face inches from mine.

"I want you to touch me." This wasn't about sex. No. This was about love.


	9. Journey Back To Birth

**A/N: Okay, I've been editing the hell out of these two chapters since Thursday seeing as how I'm just never happy with what I spew fourth onto my Word Documents. I hate when I have an idea in my head that I just can't express how I'd like to. Anyway, here goes nothing.**

**CHAPTER EIGHT:**

It didn't surprise me in the least when I found that she had fallen asleep. Her right arm was secured around my waist, with the fingers of her left hand unconsciously thrust into her tangled hair. She looked like a porcelain doll. I smiled at the sight, and moved her ever so gently so that she was more comfortable. Paige's bed, despite it's softness just wasn't meant for two people, being only a twin. As I began the slow process of moving her, my legs slipped off of the side. I grunted, as did the bed. A groggy moan from Paige startled me, and immediately I felt guilty, fearing I had awoken her.

"Alex," She whispered. It was almost a beckon, a purr. She moaned again, her eyebrows merging as she nestled herself against my body. Hesitantly, I touched the top of her head, and gingerly began to stroke the hair that was sticking out in every possible direction.

"Didn't mean to wake you up," I whispered back.

"Mmm."

I stared, awaiting her next response.

Very reluctantly, she cracked open her eyes and blue illuminated the room.

"Did you hear any cars pull into the driveway?"

"Uh. No, I don't think so."

"What time is it? Maybe they haven't come home yet."

I reached my hand out until it touched the watch on top of Paige's nightstand.

"7:30," I informed, not believing it as I read it.

"7:30? Not good. What if…did you hear them come in here or anything?"

"No. Wait…ah fuck. I just realized I forgot to call in sick."

"Okay, well…you go call work, and I'll…try and find out where my parents are."

I threw the blankets off of my half-covered legs, watching as Paige jogged out of the room. I closed the door behind her and grabbed the portable phone charging on her desk.

"Hey. Meeri? Sorry I didn't let you know earlier, but I've been sick."

"Again? You don't sound sick to me."

"Okay fine. I'm not sick. But I had some personal issues to deal with, alright?"

"Uh-huh. Well. Why didn't Paige fill in for you?"

"Because this has to _do_ with Paige," I retorted, my tone coming forth a bit too harshly.

"Calm down. Is she alright?"

"She is now. Anyway, I have to go."

"You and Paige will be in tomorrow, correct?"

"Yes. Fake smiles and all."

I rolled my eyes once the dial tone sounded in my ear after that cynical reply. We'd never been exactly friends, but she had to realize just how horrible working those grueling hours week after week had to be. I thumped down on the bed, waiting for Paige to return. It hadn't been more than ten minutes or so before I saw the doorknob turn.

"Hey," came her soft acknowledgement as she closed us in.

"Hey." I jumped up. "So? What…happened?"

"No worries. They didn't come up here, they only came home to change because they were going to meet some friends for dinner."

"That's rather fortunate," I replied, taking her hands in my own whilst pulling her back over to the bed.

We both sat down. "Do they know I'm here?"

"Yeah. Just told them we've been studying."

I chuckled. "More like studying each others…"

"Alex, we didn't do anything," Paige interrupted, her eyes solemn.

"I know. You didn't let me finish. I was going to say we studied each other's laugh lines."

"You do moan quite a bit, you know." I smirked, nudging her shoulder. "All I really have to do is just brush against your shoulder and you practically convulse."

Paige blushed a deep red, averting her eyes from my own.

"I do not!"

"Oh yeah you do," I laughed.

"Well. Maybe it was just nerves."

"_Right_."

She gave me a playful shove. "Alex, shut up. Jesus."

"Don't tell me to shut up." I tugged hard on her hands until our thighs were touching and began to tickle her sides.

"Stop it!" She laughed.

Grinning wildly, I came back with, "Payback's a bitch," and tried for another sensitive area.

"Payback for what?" She asked in between her laughter.

"Making me go to school." Paige let forth an extremely high-pitched squeal which made me burst into laughter.

"Tickle your lower back more? Okay!"

"Alex! Please!" She was laughing hysterically now. "Stop."

"Say stop in your squeaky voice and I will."

"No, Alex. Oh my God."

"Say it or I tickle your feet next."

"Okay fine!"

"Stop!" She commanded, her voice extremely higher than normal, resembling that of a cartoon character.

Letting out a satisfied giggle, I retracted my hands but not before placing a kiss on the tip of her nose. "That was your cookie, Sparky," I teased.

"Sparky?"

"Yeah. I've got you trained pretty well, huh?"

"Wow. I've been reduced to canine status. Thanks for the boost in self-confidence."

"Anytime," I laughed.

We held eye contact for a moment in the silence that followed. The feeling of apprehension lingered around us; unsure of what to do or say next. I let my eyes roam over her, soaking in her image. I realized that never had I really looked at her because I was too afraid of others noticing, and of her noticing for that matter. I knew she was beautiful, but the true beauty lied in her eyes. They were a gateway to all of her emotions, and told me exactly what I needed to know without her having to utter so much as syllable. Maybe that was why I spent so much time getting lost in them. With just one glance, I could see straight through to her soul. Once there, I had the answers to all of the questions that had innumerably plagued my mind, and only then could I finally breathe.

I leaned into her until our shoulder blades touched. All of her energy flowed into me in that instant, shutting down trivial reservations wedged in the back of my mind, as well as thoughts on the brink of seeping out. I drew my face closer to hers and closed my eyes, brushing my lips against hers ever so softly, just enough to rouse a response.

She gave her famous breathy chuckle as she shifted slightly below me. Her eyes were once again changing from blue to emerald. They told me that she was comfortable.

"Now how can I possibly take you home when you go and kiss me like that?"

I smiled, but only for a split second because the word "home" had registered. It was hardly what one would call a home, but it was better than living in a shelter or on the streets.

"Then don't take me home," I whispered. "Keep me."

"Aw. I can't, sweetie," came her sympathetic reply. "I would love to…but your mom is probably worried."

"If she's even conscious," I sighed.

"I'm sure she's fine. I like your mom. She seemed so laid back."

"Yeah. But I see a very different side of her, you know."

"I know hun." Locking her fingers behind my neck, she gently pulled me in for a kiss that was hungry, forceful. As if tonight would be the last she'd ever see of me.

"Remember what I told you. If you can't handle whatever's going on at home, call me."

"I will," I assured her, feeling emotion rise into my throat.

"Okay. You ready?"

"Not really, but I don't have a choice."

-------------

Whenever a conversation such as that ended, it was almost common knowledge for both the driver and passenger to keep to themselves in their respective sides of the car, sitting in stony silence without even so much as the radio for distraction. Oddly, the music and frequent rambling of Disc Jockeys only succeeding in blatantly reminding that you were purposely ignoring the person beside you. The only thing it would accomplish was making you feel that much more guilty for not speaking. It seemed as though Paige and I were the exception to that rule. She held my hand the entire duration of the ride, giving it a placid squeeze every few minutes, and shooting me a glance that held nothing except a sparkle in the eye accompanied by a warm smile. I was showered with several of those, seeing as how we got every single red light on the trek to my apartment building.

My heart began to race once we made the turn onto my street. I so desperately wanted to just tell her to turn right back around and never even consider leaving me at this pit of red fiery hell, but alas, Paige did have a life. I gripped her hand, which made her jump, and decrease the car's speed about a fraction. I coaxed myself into loosening my clutch, so that I wouldn't cut off the poor girl's circulation. I hadn't even had time to collect my thoughts before she pulled into the entrance. Taking her hand out of my own, she sighed, bringing her fingers to rest delicately on my knee.

"You'll be okay, Alex."

I nodded. "Yeah. I know."

"Thanks for putting up with my drama today…and Hazel."

"It's no biggie," I replied softly, beginning to pick at my fingernails.

"So…do I get a goodnight kiss?"

I looked up to see her grinning like a Cheshire cat and couldn't help the laughter that escaped me.

This time I didn't tease. I kissed her with everything I had inside of me. I belonged only to her, and with the amount of energy and seriousness behind it, she more than understood. By the time we pulled away, we both were flushed and a bit winded, but neither of us seemed to mind.

"Night Alex," she finally said, still catching her breath.

"Night. Sweet dreams."

"They will be. See you tomorrow."

I smiled, and removed my seatbelt, not wanting to break eye contact.

But I had to. I had to trudge that long flight of stairs up to my floor, and flinch at the occasional rat that would scamper by. I had to pretend I hadn't been missing in action for such a long time. I had to see my mother sprawled out on the couch, her skin slick with sweat and scantily clad with Chad nowhere to be seen. I had to ignore the fact that the floor was littered with empty bottles that I nearly tripped over as soon I came inside. I didn't, however have to sought after the pipe that was half-filled with the very substance I'd been trying not to think about. Nor did I have to hesitantly bring it to my lips and let it fill my lungs. But I did.

Yielding to the habit I thought had detached itself from my mind upped my self-hatred another twenty percent as I felt my eyelids grow heavy. I laughed, falling back onto my mattress. It was funny. Wasn't it all? The one family member that truly loved me was gone because of my mother. She always got exactly what she wanted. _What about what I want?_ I thought, sinking deeper into the bed. For a split second, I saw my father open the door of my bedroom and walk inside. As soon as I blinked the image faded, and I cried out, groping into the thin air. I got up and violently heaved the pipe against the wall, half-expecting someone to rush to my room at the abrupt disturbance. The only sound that hit my ears was that of my own ragged breathing.

I knew then that I was alone. I was always alone. Doors were always closed or closing me in. There had to be a way out because no longer could I take this.

-------------

The previous night left my bones aching and my mind drained, producing complete vacuity. My eyes hurt as did my head. In actuality, there wasn't a part of me that didn't hurt. Glad to escape sheer hell for the next six hours, I loaded my things into my car and headed off to school. One would think that school earned that infamous title, but it was paradise compared to what I had to endure when I was at home.

Once there, I dragged my feet slowly up the concrete steps, searching for the one person that would soothe my animosity, only I couldn't find her. I decided to go in and walked down the hall a bit towards her locker. She wasn't there either. At this point I began to panic, even though I wasn't quite sure why. After a while, I located Marco and trotted up to him.

"Hey," he greeted, meeting my gaze as he closed his locker.

"Hey. Have you seen Paige?"

"No, I don't think she's here yet."

"That's weird. Always thought she was Miss Punctual."

Marco smiled. "Well, the warning bell hasn't rung yet. She likes to come in just before it goes off, usually."

"So…" he continued, slinging his bag over his shoulder, "How are things with you and Paige?"

"Good," I replied tentatively.

"Good or _real_ good?" Marco pressed, his grin growing wider.

"_Damn_ good, okay?"

"Wow. Yeah, Paige explained everything to me, so…"

"What did she tell you?"

"Oh you know. Stuff."

"Deep man, real deep. You gotta give me a little more insight than that."

"Okay fine. She just filled me in on what happened after the premier."

"Like what?" I pressed, becoming increasingly annoyed at his elusiveness.

Marco sighed heavily. "You guys kissed, correct?"

I blinked, a bit taken aback. "Yeah…we did."

"That's what she told me. And also how she freaked out about it, but then came to her senses."

I nodded.

"What are _you_ doing here?"

The very last voice on earth I wished to hear, snarled her contemptuous inquiry into my back and slowly I turned around.

"Standing. Breathing. Is that a problem?"

"No, that's not the problem. _You_ are."

"Oh. I'm so hurt. I might cry, Hazel."

She rolled her eyes, throwing her long hair over her shoulder vainly.

"Paige just got off the bus. Marco? Make she sure doesn't come anywhere near my locker, I don't even want to hear it."

"Um. O..okay."

"And as for you…I already informed the squad about your -- _relationship_," Hazel emphasized the word with animated quotations. "and so she's off the squad. Be a doll give her a refresh on this, will you?"

"Could you be any less mature?" I spat, moving in closer to her, hoping to shatter her level of comfort.

"Could you be any _more_ of a dyke? Probably not."

"Nice come back dipshit. But I already know I'm a dyke. I don't think you're even slightly aware of how much of a _bitch_ you really are."

Her eyes grew wide, and I could tell she was either one step away from slapping me or bursting into tears.

"Guys. Come on, don't start. It's too early for this." Marco interrupted, grabbing my arm to pull me away from her.

"Right. Whatever," I growled, poignantly turning away from the mess, setting my mind on just finding Paige.

-------------

I jumped as I felt a hand rest on my shoulder once I'd gone back outside. It seemed as though she'd found me first. Funny how I was that familiar with her touch.

"Hi hon," she said, slowly trailing her palm down my back, pausing to create slow, comforting circles. "How'd you hold up?"

I shrugged. "Not the best of nights, but I'm here."

Concern flooded her features, her eyes veiled by the shades she wore. She leaned in, planting a soft kiss on my cheek.

"I thought about you all night," she continued.

"Ditto," I smiled, no longer able to restrain myself as I kissed her on the lips.

We both giggled, much like the second time we'd kissed, as if we shared a secret, but it in reality it was only because we had the power to melt one another with a simple peck on the lips.

I tried to ignore the male chauvinistic wolf whistles but it was impossible. They only grew in volume.

"My intention wasn't to put on a show," I stated pointedly, leading Paige away from the gawking.

"I know sweetie, but in all fairness there's just no denying how hot we are."

I laughed, but quickly grew serious again at the thought of having to tell Paige that she'd been kicked off the Spirit Squad. Standing there, I gazed squarely into her eyes, searching for an appropriate way of breaking the news to her. I opened my mouth, but only a tiny squeak found its way out.

This obviously amused her by the way she crinkled her eyes. "Are you okay?"

"Um…"I quickly shook off the idea to use humor as a form of letting her down, simultaneously growing a backbone as I did so.

"Could you meet me at 10:30? You know where. It's important."

She nodded. "Of course."


	10. Self Created Hell

**A/N: Made a few changes to this chapter regarding their vacation.**

**CHAPTER NINE:**

I strolled into the girl's washroom well before our set time, fearing that if I was too late, I'd miss her. Taking the necessary steps of mental preparation I sucked in a few deep breaths and splashed cold water onto my face, not bothering to dry off. I hoisted myself up onto the counter, religiously glancing at my watch. 10:27; not long now. I jumped down once I heard the door open, but it was only a couple of giggling sophomores. I was more than happy to move out of their way and just lean up against an empty stall.

10:29.

Finally, the two exasperating underclassmen ceased their giggling, and hurried out the door just before the bell for second period lunch sounded.

10:32. Two minutes late.

I splashed more water onto my face, this time using a paper towel and fixing my hair a bit.

The soft swish of the door made me turn my head curiously, reflexively dropping the bawled up towel in the process.

"Hey you," Paige flirted, giving me the once-over as she sauntered to the counter.

"Hey. I have some bad news."

"Um alright. Fill me in?"

"Hazel…found me this morning to tell me that you're officially off…the squad so…yeah."

She stared at me a full minute before clenching her fists in anger and peering down into the cracked tile.

"Mm. Well she told me she was going to do this, but I thought that was her just being an ass like always."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be, okay? It's not your fault."

"Are you going to talk to Ms. H. about it?"

"No. You know what? I'm going to show Hazel that I don't need her or the squad. As much as I love school spirit it is so not worth paying out your ass for just so all is right again."

I grinned. "Something tells me you like the word 'ass' just a smidge."

"No not really, but I like _your_ ass," she admitted softly, checking me out once more for good measure.

"You've told me that before," I laughed, bumping her shoulder playfully.

"And I'll gladly say it again."

"Alrighty then, Sparky."

"Sparky? What again?"

"Yeah. You see, I'm actually using mental manipulation to get you to give me compliments about my ass. I guess it worked."

"Cute. Very cute."

"Oh, a double! Wow, I can feel my head getting bigger by the second."

Paige laughed. "Will you just shut up and kiss me?"

"Will do," I replied, cupping her face in both hands. My tongue made an eager plea for entrance as soon as our lips touched.

It was a feeling like no other when she allowed me to kiss her in this way. I would relent, banishing my hard outer shell and let my emotions completely take hold of the wheel. All I saw were flashes of color when I kissed her. They came in rapidly, filling me until I thought I'd burst, streaming through every nerve ending until I practically screamed. I could never get enough of her. When we separated, I felt alone already, even though she was still looking straight into my eyes.

"You're amazing," she whispered. Not knowing if it was only said in the heat of the moment, I decided to test her.

"Amazing?"

"Yes. You are, believe me."

--

"What the…_go_! It isn't getting any greener, asshole!"

"Alex, calm down or you might have an aneurysm. That's like the billionth person you've screamed at."

I pushed the gas pedal down hard, squeezing the steering wheel for all its worth.

"Sorry, but stupid fuckers – should _not_ be allowed on the road."

"Hmm. I'm beginning to envision how our road trip this weekend will unfold. There isn't a gun in your glove compartment, is there?"

I smiled despite myself; she had a way of taming my anger. "No, Paige. No gun."

"That's a relief."

"Not to sound like a bitch, but I'm sorry I agreed to take you home. Actually, I'm sorry I even decided to take the car. I don't remember the traffic being this bad."

Paige giggled a bit. "It's okay. Me either."

After what felt like an eternity, we arrived in one piece at Paige's house that was becoming more familiar than my own.

"You're coming in, right?"

"Nope. Got some shit to sort through at home. I also need to figure out where the hell we're going this weekend."

"But you're so tense. At least come in for a few minutes so I can give you a shoulder massage."

"I'd love that babe, but if we want this to happen, I need to start planning it out."

"Alex, like I said before, it doesn't need to be a big thing. Let's go to Calgary. My parents have gone there before and said it was beautiful. Lots to do, parks, clubs, yummy food…"

"Is that where you really want to go?"

"Sure, why not? We've never been there, so it should be exciting."

"Well. Okay, if it's what you want."

"Did you have someplace else in mind?"

"Not at all. I didn't even know where to begin. Not much of a traveler."

Paige smiled. "I'm sure we'll both love it. Oh, and if uh you want me to drive, I'd be more than happy to."

"Oh no. I'm the driver, you're the passenger. I just want you to relax. And besides, if you drove you wouldn't get to hear my constant bitching every 2.5 seconds."

Paige laughed. "That's the whole reason why I offered."

"No, really?" I smirked, shifting my body so that I had easier access to her. "Seriously though, I want us to have a good time." Reaching out slowly, I touched the ends of her hair, enclosing it between two fingers. The texture was like silk and I closed my eyes for a second, breathing her in.

"We will hun. Don't worry about it."

Sighing, I pulled away from her slightly, watching as the locks I'd captured fell back onto her shoulder gracefully.

"Still need to go home, though."

"Okay. Well…I will see you at work then. Bye hun."

I was quick to accept the goodbye kiss she so sweetly placed onto my lips.

"Later Sparky," I teased as she climbed out.

--

I'd always been one to procrastinate, so getting a head start on packing my things would be a nice change. _Okay,_ I began whilst making my ascent up the filthy stairs to my rat-invested floor, _We should leave on Thursday and come back next Saturday which would give us plenty of time to relax._ I smiled as images of what could be flashed through my mind. Although what my thoughts created would never mirror reality, it was still a comfort to know that for four whole days Paige and I would leave this city far behind. We'd been restricted to chains for too long, it was time to let go.

Inserting my key into the lock, I opened the door warily, uncertain of what exactly could be taking place on the other side. I let out the breath I'd been holding when I only saw my mother. She was sitting on the couch with her head in her hands, and immediately my nurturing side kicked into gear as I walked over to her dejected form.

"Mom?" I touched her shoulder only to have her aggressively flinch at the contact.

Slowly she brought down her hands, wiping her hair out of her eyes. Sobs shook her shoulders and she inhaled sharply, pressing her hand to her mouth.

I dropped down on the couch next to her, staring, not knowing what to do.

"Mom…what happened?" I asked, keeping my voice steady and calm.

She angrily wiped away her tears and turned to look at me for a split second. "Chad. The bastard has his way with me, took all the cash I had. And left."

Trying my absolute hardest to keep my temper in check, I took a deep breath, clenching my fists rigidly in my lap. I wasn't sure who to be the most upset with; all I knew was that my blood was boiling. I wanted to say, _you're better off without that fucking asshole_, or _everything will work out_, but before I had time for even a concrete sound to fall off of my tongue, she rose up, coming inches from my face.

"Where the hell have you _been_, anyway? You're never around anymore, Alex! Maybe if you kept your ass in one place for more than five minutes, Chad wouldn't of fucked me over like he did, in more than one aspect I might add."

I stood up, pushing her away from me; allowing myself freedom from the foul stench of alcohol so heavily on her breath.

"Why am I never here? Let me think about that. Maybe because Chad is an asshole, you're a clueless leech, and these living conditions aren't even fit for the fucking RATS that roam the halls!"

"Don't you _dare_ talk down to me. You have no idea what I've been through."

"Oh yes I do. I know a lot more than you think. Just because I'm a teenager doesn't mean I don't know anything about the world or how it works. I mean, God I'm just trying to make it from one day to the next at this point. I'm trying not to completely lose my mind. You gave up a long time ago. I'm still going, but you're always too fucking drunk to notice."

"I have to get ready for work. Maybe you've heard of it?"

I grabbed my bag, storming off without a moment's hesitation, trying hard to ignore the look of anguish now etched into her tired features. I slipped into the bathroom, locking myself in. _A simple shower won't fix this, but just sitting in my room won't either. Work means money. If I have money, I can fill up my gas tank. Then I can escape from this hell with Paige, only if it's for five days. It'll completely be worth it._

--

Depression had overtaken me for the remainder of the week, thus getting even three words from me evolved into a project in itself. At one point, Paige had gone so far as to press her palm against my forehead Wednesday morning.

"Cool as a cucumber. I don't get it."

"I'm not sick, Paige. Just tired."

"And you're a terrible liar," she retorted, pulling her chair in front of my desk.

"You've just been grunting at everyone. Where's that _Daria_ sarcasm we all know and love?"

"It wilted and died, with the rest of me," I grumbled, running a hand over my face.

She laid her hand on my arm, suddenly, making me jump. "Something happened. Tell me, please?"

"It involves my mother. And Chad. But mostly him stealing our last few bucks and then bolting his ass out the door."

"He stole from you guys? God, I'm so sorry Alex."

"Don't be. This happens all the damn time. And of course, my mother being the idiot she is, took this all out on me."

"God. That isn't right at all," she replied softly, trying to comfort me.

"Tell me about it. She will never learn."

Our free time almost over, I began to dig through my desk. "Crap," I whispered under my breath. "I forgot – we have a history test the week after we get back and I haven't studied at all."

"Then come home with me; we can study together."

"Yeah. That sounds like a better idea than my initial plan to sit my ass at home and continue being emo."

Paige smiled. "Of course it is. Being emo is not allowed when our Calgary adventure is less than 24 hours away."

"Yup. You're all packed, right?"

"Uh only since the day you brought the subject up again," she laughed.

"I had a feeling," I grinned, teasingly brushing my leg against hers underneath the desk.

Her eyes fluttered closed briefly at the contact, playfully kicking my feet as she flirted back.

"Ow! Wasn't trying to be violent," I complained, raising an eyebrow.

"Sorry to interrupt the obvious footsie session guys, but I couldn't help overhearing the words Calgary and adventure…" Marco appeared to my left, resting his hands on my desk for support.

"Eavesdrop much?" Paige asked, feigning annoyance.

He laughed. "Sorry. I just can't help sticking my nose into the business of the infamous Palex."

"Palex?" I laughed, glancing at Paige; she was smiling, shaking her head.

"It sounds like the name of a penis enlargement product."

Paige's eyes widened to saucers. "Alex! Please, spare us."

This put Marco into a fit of giggling. "Well…when you put the two names together, that's what you get."

"Exactly," Paige grinned. "It's cute."

"Right. Well anyway…" I began. The two laughed.

"Yes. We are going to Calgary, tomorrow. Won't be back till next Saturday."

"Well that sounds like a nice vacation. Have room for perhaps, oh a handsome, charismatic friend who used to date Paige's brother?"

"In my car? Let's just say it's a miracle that my book bag even fits in there."

"Aw," Marco laughed, squatting down so neither of had to strain our necks any longer.

"Sorry hun, but only Palex is allowed on this trip."

"Hey, can't blame a guy for trying."

"On a more serious note guys, have fun and be safe. I don't want to see either of your faces on the front page of the newspaper."

"Are you kidding? We'll be fine. Have a little faith in us."

"I do, Alex, I'm just a worrier is all. I mean, you'll be all by yourselves, no parental supervision…"

"That's what will make this vacation wonderful," Paige broke in, shooting a wink in my direction.

Marco threw his hands up, hugging himself around the midsection as he sighed disapprovingly. "Just promise me you two will be careful."

Paige rolled her eyes, unable to keep a smile from forming on her lips. "We will, sweetie. I mean, come on, we're not going to hitchhike just for the thrill of it, or go wondering off somewhere."

"You better not."

"Okay. We get it dude. Now leave us alone so we can resume our game of footsies that you so rudely interrupted."

Paige giggled and Marco rolled his eyes. "You two are something else."


	11. I'm Finally Breathing

**A/N: Been a while since my last update, but I've been stuck for the longest time and that's always fun. The fact that I was on the verge of tears from the Palex breakup didn't help matters any. But I still love them together. And they are so not over anyway, so to hell with the writers for raining on my parade. Okay, enough of my bitching for now lol. Mucho love to all my kind reviewers!**

**CHAPTER TEN:**

With the absence of Chad, the house had never been quieter. It almost felt like I was living on my own. My mother was refusing to communicate at all; she will still holding a grudge against me for a reason I had yet to understand. In actuality, I didn't care to understand. Try and figure out Emily Nunez and you'd be in for the longest, draining ride of your entire life.

Paige scrunched up her nose once we got inside.

"Ugh. Smells like…beer and…pot."

I rolled my eyes. "Flattery gets you nowhere, honeybunch."

"You're so not sleeping here tonight, so load up your luggage now."

"Is that an order?" I flirted, bumping her hip just slightly enough to make her blush.

"Yes. I'm not the type to beg."

"I'll make you beg one of these nights," I whispered, cocking an eyebrow at her.

"Seriously do I have a sign on me that says, "Seduce me or die?"

I laughed, shuffling towards my bedroom. "Yup, and I'm the one who taped it to your back."

"Funny."

She watched as I hoisted up my duffle bag. "Ta-da," I announced, not a trace of enthusiasm in my tone.

"That's it? That's all you're taking."

"Correct. I travel light."

"I'll say."

"Let me guess, you tried to cram your entire life into fifteen separate suitcases, five of which aren't your own?"

"No, not exactly. And you're a little off. Try Twenty-three."

I dropped the bag at my feet. "What?"

"Kidding hun. It was a joke."

"It damn well better be," I laughed. "I wouldn't want to have to put you in the trunk in order to accommodate all of your shit."

"In the trunk? How very Eminem of you, Alex."

"Don't worry, I'm not that insane," I laughed, kissing her on the nose.

I turned and walked over to my dresser, remembering a few last-minute things. I grabbed my hidden stash of money I'd been saving in the bottom of my sock drawer. I had to take it with me just in case Chad decided to make a cameo and strip me dry. It was better to be safe than sorry.

"Speaking of insanity…" there was a clip in her voice now; one that was often reserved for Spinner or Jay, or as of recently – Hazel.

"What's with the uh "peace pipe"? I thought you stopped doing that."

I shrugged, closing the drawer, avoiding her eye as I walked back over to the bed.

"Old habits die hard I guess."

"Alex…do you have any idea what that stuff can do to you? And from what I've heard, it's stronger than ever these days."

"I think you're forgetting our little "joint party" a while back. And…you supplied the joint, remember?"

"That was an incredibly huge mistake I made…I just wanted you to get some direction in your life so badly, that'd I do just about anything."

Tucking my money safely away in the depths of my bag, I looked into her eyes, half-smirking. "You could've just…made out with me in the laneway instead of toking it up."

Paige laughed. "You had feelings for me back then? Wait, wait. Just how far back was it?"

"Well if you want to be exact, it was when I shot you down over Spinner being an ass to you at work."

"But…that doesn't make sense. You called me a "coward and a suck" if I remember correctly."

"Jeeze. Dear Diary or what?" I teased.

"Making fun of me won't help to ease my curious mind. Spill."

"Fine. I guess I…misjudged you or whatever. I thought you were just a stupid cheerleader that answered to no one and would NEVER in all of her life be a decent worker, but you really proved me wrong. And as for the insult…actually I didn't mean for it to come out the way it did…I just wanted you to see that he was nothing but an asshole. He reminded me of Chad, and as corny as it sounds, I didn't want him to keep hurting you like that."

"Aw. Hun, that wasn't corny. I'm glad you told me, though. I had no idea."

"I'm sure you didn't. Before I got to know you, I really kept my emotions well-hidden. I just don't want people to walk all over me, you know? Gotta stand up for myself. If I can't take care of me, I'm fucked."

"No, you're not because you know I will always take care of you."

"Okay, now _that_ – was corny."

Her eyes had a twinkle I hadn't seen for a long while as she grabbed onto my hands, pulling me closer to her. She smiled.

"I'm serious. Sometimes you need someone else to take care of you."

"That's it. I just have to say it. Paige. I love you."

She blinked sharply and let go of my hands, my heart picking up speed as a result, and I looked down at my feet.

She sighed and slowly her two fingers lifted up my chin so until it was at her eye level. She cocked her head to one side, appearing amused.

"Boy when you get into serious mode, you lay it on thick. It's okay, hun. I love you too."

"Really?" My voice low, uncertain.

"Yes. I don't think I've really ever loved anyone…but with you, I'm not at all unclear of how I feel. And it's not lust either. I really care about you like crazy."

"That's exactly how I feel. God, you really are perfect."

"Hun. I'm only perfect when I'm with you."

There was no doubting that she meant every word as it left her lips in that soft whisper seeing as it left me dizzy.

My eyes searched her own for perhaps a deeper meaning; _why was she only perfect when she was with me? What did I do to make her feel that way?_

"Lex, I can hear you thinking. Just kiss me, hun. Please."

"You don't need to say please," came my throaty response. So I kissed her. It still felt new, brand new. Exciting. Wonderful. All the colors of the spectrum were still palpable behind my eyelids when I kissed her. She still left me breathless. Only this time when I pulled away, I didn't feel alone.

--

I fell asleep with my aura glowing, and awoke with it in the same state. She ran her hand up and down my back gently, lovingly and it brought a smile to my face.

"Guess what day it is?" She whispered into my ear.

"Time to go already?"

"Mm-hmm. Calgary awaits."

I glanced sleepily at the clock. "You know, I'm not even fazed by the fact that it's the asscrack of dawn. I'm in your bed again, with you in it, again."

"Yes. This bed is beginning to take our shape."

"That's a good thing." I leaned in to kiss her cheek.

"Very much so. I'm gonna get a shower now."

"Oh so since you live here you get first dibs on the shower?"

"Exactly. Unless, you'd like to keep me company…"

I gripped the comforter hard to keep from falling off the bed at her words.

"You're kidding."

"I kid you not. It gets the job done, right?"

I just stared at her, at a loss for words.

She held out her hand with a small smile. "Coming?"

Somehow I found the strength to pull myself from the bed and place my hand in hers. She seemed very confident whereas I felt like I might fall over again. I hated to admit to it, but I was scared. I hadn't the slightest idea why, but I was.

I tried to preoccupy my mind by gathering all the things we needed; towels, soaps, shampoos, placing everything out in the open and within easy reach. I felt her hand on my shoulder once I turned on the water.

"Stop sweetie, okay? _I'm_ taking care of you right now."

Stunned, my mouth parted just a bit as she slowly made her way over to me. I jumped when she touched the bottom of my shirt.

"It's okay. I'm not going to bite you."

"Unless you tell me to," she added as an afterthought and I let her lift my shirt up over my head. She kissed my collarbone as my it fell to the floor.

"Have I told you yet that your skin is amazing?"

"You might've…mentioned it before." My voice came out hoarse and I inwardly cursed myself.

"Oh," she giggled, reaching for the drawstring on my pants. She tugged them down and I obediently stepped out of them. I felt as though I were under a microscope once the last of my clothing had been shed, finally I was able to meet her eyes, and they reflected nothing but love. Maybe even a hint of lust, love quickly overshadowed that emotion.

She didn't say a word, there was no reason to talk. Her eyes were saying plenty, and I could only wonder if mine were as well. She began to undress herself, but I stopped her, lifting an eyebrow.

"Only fair," I whispered. She nodded. I suppose it wasn't right that I more or less ripped the pj's off of her body, but my nervousness and timidity played a small part.

"I think my skin is on fire," she joked.

"Sorry. I really couldn't help it."

"It's fine, hun." She grinned, giving me one last kiss before we stepped in the shower. I let her do all the work, just like she requested. I had never known this side of her until now. She gently lathered my hair and skin as if I were made of glass and rarely broke eye contact. My breath caught in my throat when she kissed the scar on my arm from the end table incident. After she turned off the faucet, she smiled at me, her eyes now staring dreamily into my own. There wasn't any possible way I could forget this. At this point the day could only get better.


	12. Take Me By The Hand

**A/N: Made some changes to this chapter, too.**

**CHAPTER ELEVEN:**

Driving for as long as our destination required, exhausted not only myself, but Paige had well. She suggested possibly taking turns once we'd left, but I reminded her since she was the guest she should be able to just relax. We stopped for food along the way. After four cups of the strongest coffee I'd ever had in my entire life, I became so hyper and jittery I was more or less running in circles around Paige.

She growled at me as we walked out of the diner. "That tears it. You're not driving anymore. I'll find us a hotel to stay in for the night. It's 11:30 for God's sake."

"Hotel? A hotel? What, no? Are you crazy? Let's keep going." My head was beginning to hurt.

"No. I'm tired too, Alex. We need sleep to be able to get in another day of driving."

"Let me just drive for a few more hours and then we'll find a hotel."

"Fine, but you better not go over that. Two hours – that's all. Then we sleep."

"Or hey, we could always sleep in the car?"

"And risk getting mugged or towed? I don't think so hun."

"Oh please. No one will mug or tow us away. Besides it could be – fun." I wiggled my eyebrows up and down on the last word.

She blushed a bit, but quickly recovered. "Alex. We are not sleeping in your car."

"Babe, I have just enough to help pay for the hotel in Calgary after the shitty prices in that shitty restaurant."

"_I'll_ pay for it, I don't mind."

"Paige, no. Think for a second, think of how romantic it'll be. Sleeping out under the stars? It wouldn't hurt us to rough it. By six I can go fill up the tank and just drive like a maniac the rest of the way there. Only breaks will be for food, gas and bathroom. We have to make it there because by now we've already lost an entire day."

Paige chewed her bottom lip a bit before speaking. "Well. I guess then this is truly the definition of a road trip; we're seeing more of the road than anything else. But…I'm with you, so it really doesn't matter."

Smiling, I threw my arms around her neck in an embrace. "That a girl, Sparky," I teased and she shoved me away playfully.

"Apparently it isn't enough I have to deal with the overly-caffeinated side of you. Here I am being all sincere, and you simply reinstate my title as being your bitch. I feel so loved."

"Psh. Enough with the sob story. You like being my bitch."

I probably deserved the hard yet blithe smack I received on the side of my head as I turned to walk towards the car. We laughed all the way there, stealing glances at each other as I pulled the car into a remote section of woods several miles from the diner. I set the alarm on my watch so we wouldn't risk losing anymore time, and pulled Paige into the backseat.

"I know it's cramped, but if you'd rather sleep in that abandoned shack I spotted as we were pulling up, be my guest," I winked, laughing as she rolled her eyes.

"You're a nerd. And this is fine."

"Good."

"Well, nighty-night then, sweetie. I'm beat."

She pulled me to her for a quick kiss then settled herself on the far-right corner, cradling her face between her hands. It was so adorable; I almost couldn't tear myself away.

"Alex, go to sleep," she droned without opening her eyes.

I smirked, taking to my side of the car. I stayed awake for hours just watching her sleep. After the caffeine finally wore off my eyes drifted shut. At some point during the night I felt her reach for my hand and lace her fingers through. It didn't really disturb my sleeping. I found it only soothed me, helped me to sleep better. My mind was finally shutting off for the night.

--

Half-way to our hotel, a man old enough to be my grandfather slid directly into my blind spot.

"Um…hello? In my blind spot. Move before I shoot you."

"Alex," Paige warned, heaving an irritated sigh. I'd been less than calm with most of the people sharing the road with us.

I pressed the tip of my palm onto the horn and kept a steady beat.

"Jackass!" I screamed, quickly changing lanes, producing a bird in the rearview mirror.

Paige covered her face. "Oh God. You so did not just flick that old man off."

"If I did have a gun, I would've shot him."

"Alex come on. That isn't right."

"I couldn't see! I need to see in order to drive properly, right?"

"Yeah, but ---"

"It'll be a damn miracle if that old geezer doesn't cause a horrific accident," I interrupted, gripping the steering wheel.

"You should've just let me drive."

I laughed. "You just don't want to hear me bitch. I can't help it, babe. People are just…"

"Okay I get it," she snapped.

"What? Are you pissed at me now?"

"Uh a little! You don't need to flick off an old man, Alex."

"Well maybe that old man is just a little too old to still be driving."

"Maybe. But God. How embarrassing."

"Look I'm sorry. I'll keep the bird caged."

"Thank you."

The both of us remained silent for the next twenty minutes until Paige reached for my free hand resting on my leg and held it to her chest.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have snapped at you like that."

I said nothing and kept my focus on the road. I could feel her heart beating underneath my hand; it was thumping quite fast and I felt guilty.

"It's okay. You could drive a wooden spike through my heart and I'd still love you."

"Oh, so this means you're a vampire?"

"Only if you want me to be."

She laughed. "I just want you to be yourself, dorkus."

--

"Ready to lug all of our shit to the front? Wait, no. Ready to lug all of _your_ shit to the front?" I teased, giving a playful roll of the eyes.

We were at the Radisson Hotel in Calgary, both a bit grumpy, fueled on a steady diet of fast-food and caffeine, headaches were lavish. Eyelids were heavy, but despite it all, I still managed to make jokes.

"Alexandra Nunez will you stop with that already? I know I have a lot of luggage."

"Aww. Road trips make for one cranky Paige." I cooed, kissing her parted lips.

"Actually, riding with you wasn't as hellish as I initially imagined. I'm just thankful you really don't own a gun."

"Told you. Oh, and don't call me Alexandra ever again. Eew."

She giggled, reaching for one of her bags inside the trunk. "I just wanted to see you squirm."

"Evil. Pure evil. Where's the girl I stood in the shower with?"

"Oh, she makes an appearance every now and then, if you're lucky."

"Well hopefully it's tonight because I'm feeling all grimy…"

"Oh you. You are way too much."

"I know. Isn't it great?" I placed the strap of my lone bag around my neck while grabbing hold of Paige's other two bags.

She wore a backpack, messenger, and dragged along one other rolling bag. I shook my head at the sight.

"Are you sure you didn't put your parents in these two bags I'm dragging along here?"

She gave me an incredulous sideways glance and chuckled a bit. "Why are they that heavy?"

"Yes. I think your Dad says he needs some air."

"Stop picking on me. I was planning on throwing your little body to the bed once we got into our room, but now…"

"Okay I'll shut up," I answered quickly, the both of us now laughing.

--

"Hello," Paige cheerfully greeted the person at the front desk.

"Reservation under…sweetie, did you book it under your name?"

"Yeah."

"Okay. Um it's under Nunez."

The middle-aged employee typed quickly into the computer. "Nunez, Nunez. Oh, here it is. Room 48D. Let me just get your key for you."

He handed Paige the plastic card.

"Thanks," she said politely, flashing him a kind smile.

"No problem. Enjoy your stay."

Paige was practically squealing at this point. "Well we're here hun! Actually here! Come on, let's go!"

I laughed at her antics and grunted a bit as I struggled with the weight of all of Paige's luggage.

Once we got inside the elevator, I sighed, practically throwing the heavy mess to the floor, causing Paige to laugh.

"Arms getting tired?"

"Duh," I chuckled, placing my hands on her waist, drawing her in for a quick kiss.

Paige touched my thigh and I jumped. She giggled and dove in for another kiss, this one more passionate than the last.

"I found your weak spot," she whispered into my hair in a sing-song way.

"I told you it was below the belt."

She sighed into me, her mouth meeting my earlobe. "You're not wearing your trademark earrings," she observed in between her nibbling.

The elevator dinged and we reluctantly pulled apart. Once again I collected Paige's unnecessary amount of luggage and we roamed the hallway in search of our room. It was all the way at the end, and by the time we arrived, I was panting.

Paige rested her hand on my shoulder. "Almost inside, Lexy." She placed the card key in the slot and eagerly catapulted into the room. She set down her bags and then turned for my reaction.

"So what do you think, hun? Not bad for the price."

I took it all in. It was bright, clean, big enough for the two of us. "Cozy," I observed, nodding my head.

"Yeah it is, isn't it? Wanna help me unpack?"

I gave her a tired look and threw down her bags to emphasize my point.

"Okay, okay Grumpy McGrumperson. We'll unpack later."

"Thank you," I replied, plastering a phony smile that made Paige laugh.

"Come're hun. That offer still stands you know."

I raised my eyebrows. "Sweet."

Paige grabbed me around the midsection, guiding me until the back of my legs hit the bed.

I melted at the feel of her warm body against my own, and it took everything I had to not gasp directly in her face. When I looked into those orbs now light bluish in color, I felt completely at peace. Why had I even considered going back to drugs? They did nothing for me. Stars reflected in her eyes; the kind you'd see on a clear night, but in reality it was just the lighting playing tricks. I loved everything about this woman. Even the little things that bothered me I loved because it's what made her who she was. Finally we were away from everything that we were not, fully embracing our relationship and the reactions of others. Their thoughts didn't matter, they never did to begin with. Of course things weren't always going to be perfect, but our connection was much too strong to crumble at the mere drop of a hat. _Things are only going to get better,_ I thought as she kissed me there on the bed._ This is going to be one hell of a vacation._


	13. Steal My Pain Away

A/N: This chapter is very dialogue-heavy and fills in some more gaps and whatnot.

**CHAPTER TWELEVE:**

As we lie there on the unmade bed with untouched sheets, I buried my face into the crook of her neck and simply listened to her breathe; it was the most calming thing in the entire world.

"I suppose it's a safe bet that we aren't moving from our current position anytime soon?" Her question vibrated against me. I pulled away just a few inches.

"Why? Have to pee?"

"No. Wait, actually yes now that you've mentioned it."

"Aw. Can't you tell your bladder to cool it for a while?" I whined. "This is so nice."

"I'll be right back, hun. I think I might change too."

"Ooh. This should be good."

She laughed at me. "What does that mean?"

"You must've packed the lingerie in one of those damn bags you brought with you."

She rolled her eyes playfully. "Hardly my dear. I wouldn't want to give you a heart-attack."

"Please. I've seen you naked. That was heart-attack enough. In a good way, of course."

Paige giggled. "I couldn't help but notice that you were shaking like a leaf the entire time."

"Well…"

"I know," she winked, ruffling my hair as she got up to rummage through her belongings.

"Oh you do, huh? You're aware of how much power you have over me?"

"Sure am."

"Well that's no fun. You suck."

"Put a knife through my heart why don't you!" Came her dramatic response.

I laughed. "Okay fine. You only suck 95 of the time."

"Gee thanks. I'm gonna go change now."

My laughter followed her into the bathroom and I heard her laugh too once she closed the door.

While she was changing, I figured it only made sense to get more comfortable as well. I had in fact, drove all the way here and battled the traffic; I was exhausted.

Pulling back the blankets of our bed, I first made sure they actually were clean before slipping into them. Thankfully they were. Paige and I had both paid enough for the room; it'd had better be perfect in every way. She returned shortly in a low-cut spaghetti top that made me almost fall off of the bed again.

Smiling brightly, she got underneath the covers on the opposite side, wrapping her arm around my waist.

"Wow. We are so lazy. The sun hasn't even gone down yet."

"We deserve it," I laughed. "And I also had a feeling we weren't going to wreak havoc on the town just yet."

"Mmm. We'll definitely rest up for that. From what my mom told me, there is just so much to do and see…"

"I don't want us to go into overdrive though. This is supposed to be a vacation."

"I know sweetie. We won't do everything all at once, that's much too hectic."

"Good. We've reached an agreement." I smiled.

"Yes. Hey I wonder how my Mom and Dad are doing? Or Marco? Or ---

"Paige you don't need to call them just yet."

"Yeah," she sighed. "You're right. I'm just…"

"Nervous?" I finished.

She stared at me a long while before she found her voice. "Maybe. A little."

"You know that I'd never make you do anything you didn't want to, right?"

"Of course hun. I know you're not just going to suddenly jump on me like D…Never mind."

I locked eyes with her once more. "Like who?"

"Nothing. Never mind."

I bit my lip. Part of me wanted to pry as far into it as I possibly could, the other knew that my prying would only result in an argument and ruin the mood. I was torn.

"Paige. Look at me, okay? Whatever this is about, you can trust me. And I'll try and help you."

Her face contorted into a sullen expression at my words. She didn't look at me despite my asking her to, which in turn made me upset.

"You have to tell me eventually, honey," I whispered, stroking the side of her face. "I mean…it's obvious that it's bugging the hell out of you."

She remained silent as I continued to soothe her with my touch, only it didn't seem to be working. She moved my hand until it rested flatly on her thigh.

"His name was Dean. I was young, stupid. Really stupid. How I met him doesn't matter. He took advantage of me…and."

I already knew where this was headed, but I let her continue.

"I was raped. I took him to court, but the bastard got away with it."

Reaching for her hand that was now shaking, I slid it into my own. I squeezed so tightly I feared I'd cut off her circulation in a matter of seconds. "I'm sorry. I know that's so overused, and it's become so easy to say to someone and not mean it, but really Paige. I'm so sorry."

"I know Alex. And it's okay."

"No it isn't okay. Now I really wish I had a gun."

"Alex," her was voice stern. She turned so that she was directly on top of me.

A bit stunned, I just blinked in response. "I'm only going to say this once: forget about him. I've been doing a pretty decent job of that as of late, so you need to as well. He's my past now and there's no way in hell I'm ever going to look back. Not now, not ever. He doesn't even deserve to be mentioned. He's dead, okay? Just dead."

I nodded. Finally, I managed to breathe life back into my vocal chords. "Okay. I'm glad you got it off your chest."

"Me too. And there is no way our talk of Dean is going to ruin our vacation – I won't allow it."

Half-smiling, I shifted my body so that I was on top. "Dean who?"

She grinned, showing off the very teeth that had clamped down on my shoulder once I kissed her stomach earlier in the shower.

At that instant I felt like I was floating. To come back down would be hell; I never wanted to come off of this high that was Paige. It was natural, legal, and felt completely beautiful.She kissed my shoulder blade, and I kissed the hollow in her neck. She kissed underneath my eye and I kissed her forehead. It continued in that manner until a familiar look glossed in her eyes, mirroring the way she looked at me right before I kissed her the night of the premier. She ran her fingers through my hair, gently pressing her lips to mine.

The next three words she whispered sent a vibration throughout my entire body. "I love you." I wanted to cry. I didn't deserve this woman at all, in any way, yet here she was underneath me, looking into my soul, professing her love to me and meaning it. Not long ago she was only a picture in my mind; drug induced because I couldn't have her in reality. What began as her tripping over my leg in the hallway of Degrassi ultimately ended in a relationship I never thought would progress any further than genuine hatred._ But people change. We've both changed._

"I don't think we ever really hated each other," I said aloud.

"What hun?" She moaned, her lips on my neck.

"We couldn't…have hated each other…we didn't even know each other."

"Where's this coming from?" She pushed a fallen strand of hair out of my face.

"Remember the time we bitched each other out? You fell over me…"

"Oh, that," she laughed.

"Yeah. Did you really think I was a loser?"

"I don't know hun. Does it even matter at this point?"

"I guess not, but it's just…we were enemies in the beginning."

"Not really. We didn't know each other. You're not just going to offer a hug to someone you tripped over."

"True," I laughed. "The first time I ever thought of kissing you was at work. Right after you started in with the whole 'say it in your squeaky voice' thing. I knew there was no way you'd be cool with it. I figured if I just distracted myself with food, it would make me forget about it for a while."

"Really? I could definitely tell there was something on your mind."

"Yup. It was you," I chuckled, brushing the hair off of her neck.

She was quiet as my hands trailed down her sides slowly, stopping at her hips.

Paige stifled a moan and I chuckled softly into the side of her face. "Wait…if you had a thing for me when I started working at the movie theatre, why did you tell me to go after Matt?"

"Because I figured there was no way in hell that relationship would work, but I just wanted you to be happy – and it was obvious being with that guy would make you happy. I just…needed time to figure out my feelings…figure out myself."

"Hmm. Well…I _thought_ Matt and I would work, but after a while it just got…too complicated I guess."

"Did you ever feel anything for me? You know…before I kissed you." I didn't want to ask for fear of her not having an answer, but it had been eating away at the corners of my mind for months.

She stopped kissing my neck long enough to look me in the eye and smile. "In MI. When you got really close to my face…that whole thing about us looking hot at the premier. I definitely felt something then."

"Please tell me it wasn't constipation," I joked, poking her lightly in the ribs.

"Oh hush. And if you want to get technical, it was like…electricity. I know that sounds lame, but you sent a shock through my body when you did that."

"It doesn't sound lame. I felt it too."

In one swift, fluid motion, she switched positions, smiling wickedly as she hovered over me. Gradually, she lowered her body against mine. Her skin was warm. So warm that I couldn't help the strained groan from leaving my lips once our bodies had fully merged. The sensations running through every fiber left me nearly paralyzed. Ever the dominate one, Paige put her eyes into slits as she leaned into my parted lips, her tongue dancing inside. Colors. Not just the usual amount, but an explosion and all at once. I moaned so loud I was certain the people in the front lobby could hear, seeing as how it bounced off of the walls. Paige pulled away just slightly and giggled one long, continuous giggle and soon I joined her.

"Louder Alex. I don't think Sweden heard you." What a comedian.

"That's it. Just for that I'm never letting you undress me again."

"Right. I could undress you right now if I wanted."

"If you're so sure, knock yourself out, Michalchuk."

She rolled her eyes lightheartedly. "I didn't mean that in a randy teenager way. I meant it as in I can get you to do whatever I want."

"Uh no…you're Sparky remember? Not me."

"I never was and never will be."

"Whatever. I think its safe to say that we both have equal power over each other."

"Hah. You wish."

"Paige stop, you might make me cry."

"Hm. Well I did make you have an almost-orgasm that all of Canada, Asia, and America heard."

I laughed. "You seem very proud of yourself."

"Of course," she replied smugly.

I leaned in close to her ear, kissing it once before whispering, "How about instead of the almost-orgasm, you finish the job?"

Our playful banter suddenly seemed as though it had never occurred once my seductive question hit her ears. Her face reddened very quickly and her eyes drained of all life. For a split second she looked ready to voluntarily move away from my touch and lock herself in the bathroom.

"Don't be mad. Are you mad?"

"No. I'm scared."

With her admittance, my heart swelled, and I just wanted to kiss away the worry lines now apparent on her face.

"I'm scared because I'm inexperienced…and because I love you. What if I let you down or…repulse you?"

"Paige. Honey, you won't repulse me. I've never gone all the way with a girl, either. Neither of us are experts."

"I'm sorry if it seems like I always want to get into your pants, it's just…well yeah half the time I do," I grinned, earning a laugh from her.

"Never, never, never will I ever hurt you in any way. Just keep that reminder close at hand, okay?"

"Okay. I know. You're not De…" She paused. "I know you won't take advantage of me."

"That's right. I love you. He didn't."

Paige blinked a few times, trying to hide her face, but failing horribly.

"It's okay. You can cry."

"That's all I seem to do anymore."

"Well…more tears for me to wipe away then," I smiled crookedly, giving her shoulder a gentle nudge.

And I did. I wouldn't let them streak her face or moisten her clothes. They kept coming, but I was just as persistent.

She buried herself into me, trembling with her sobs and I just held her. She took large gulps of air and then after a long while, pulled away a few inches and I lost myself in her eyes.

"I'm sorry."

"For what?" I asked, feeling that all too familiar sting in my eyes.

"For being so screwed up."

"No. You're not. But even if I thought you were, I wouldn't love you any less."

Finally letting down my guard, my own tears fell, but she caught them just as quickly I found. After a while we simply let them fall. Her hand found its way to my stomach. Fingers reached under the shirt, gently caressing the skin underneath as if she were reading Braille. Sending rapid waves of energy to every inch she covered resulted in my jumping up slightly, whimpering, craving that touch even more.

"Paige…" I was already breathless.

Her entire hand slipped under the waistband of my pants and I clenched a section of the comforter tightly. I pressed my other hand onto the small of her back. It fit perfectly. She explored further, but came to a halt just as her fingers dipped into my underwear. Her gaze shifted upward until meeting my own. My sobbing had calmed some. "It's okay."

"Are…are you sure?"

"Positive," I whispered.


	14. Touch Me, Feel Me

**A/N: SMUT WARNING! Seeing as how smut is not my forte at all, I haven't written too many in my day, but as always I incorporate depth as well, and this scene isn't too explicit. Please do not flame me if you can't handle it because you had the chance to back out. In the next chapter Paige and Alex will venture out of their hotel room and explore all that Calgary has to offer. I'm currently brainstorming on what's going to happen during their time here. I'm not 100 on anything yet, but I'm trying to keep this story as realistic as possible, so expect some things to go awry fairly soon. Thank you so much to all of the people that have reviewed! It means a lot.**

**CHAPTER THIRTEEN:**

It felt so good yet it hurt so bad; her fingers seemed to be leaving a trail of fire everywhere they went. My chest was heaving up and down, and her eyes were clouded with an array of emotions, her expression changing every time I reacted to her; as if afraid she might break me. I lifted my hips off of the bed, allowing her better access and at that she retracted her hand.

"I'm sorry. I don't want to hurt you."

"You weren't." My voice sounded far away, unrecognizable. I didn't know where I was, but it wasn't in a Calgary hotel room.

"God. That was amazing."

"It was? I…didn't get very far…"

"It still was amazing."

"I don't know what I'm doing, Alex."

I smiled a bit, slowly leaning into her body until her long eyelashes brushed against my face. "It's okay. I'll show you."

Her eyes darted back and fourth nervously as she began chewing on her lip. She sighed. I could see the gears in her heard churning as she tried to digest what I'd just said.

"Unless…you've had enough for tonight."

"You swear on you life, on your grandmother's grave that you won't hurt me?"

"I promise. Baby steps." I rubbed her nose to mine in an effort to lighten the mood and she smiled, sitting back on her knees for a moment to regain her composure. She wiped her face dry and slowly began to peel off her top and her sweatpants, banishing them both to the floor. My heart started to pound. Leaning back into me, she tugged up the bottom of my shirt, keeping the same slow pace she demonstrated earlier that morning; not knowing that her antics made my head feel about to explode. She was right, she did have power. A lot of power. My pants now half-way down my legs; a cool draft met the exposed skin, causing me to shiver, but not for long. Those lips met mine and warmth returned. The kiss was gentle, innocent, but quickly became more passionate. Again with the entrance of her tongue, extracting another loud moan from deep in the back of my throat.

Soon we would need to come up for air, but I was so far gone that it would've have mattered if I passed out. Her lungs must've been craving oxygen just as much as mine because she tore her lips away, fiercely inhaling as if she were on a verge of death. I kissed her bare shoulder, still breathing heavily onto her skin as I trailed my mouth all the way down to her hip bone. My fingers met her inner thigh in somewhat of an urgency, but then I remembered and slowed myself down a bit. I paused to marvel at her beauty before inching down the remaining fabric with the help of my thumb and forefinger. Her curves were so well-defined and her skin was the softest I'd ever touched. Planting a soft kiss on her thigh to reassure her and soothe away any doubts, I briefly looked up at her and she nodded. That was all the permission I needed. She hooked her fingers onto the waistband of her underwear, pulling them down as far as she could, and we switched positions one last time. The pads of my thumbs circled the skin on both sides of her stomach as she instinctively opened herself more. I began stroking both her inner thighs and was thus repaid with a purring sigh that almost sounded melodic.

After an insoluble amount of teasing, I gradually inserted a finger. Her whole body arched off of the bed and she hissed, her head falling back onto the pillow after a moment. She hadn't expected it, but I knew from how she pulled herself further into my touch that she did in fact like it. She was breathing harder than ever now and squeezing the life out of my other hand, so I left a long, lingering kiss on her hip.

"You're okay."

She didn't say a word; I knew she was scared senseless, but she had to trust me. I wasn't going to hurt her.

Starting in with my innocent caresses again to make sure I wouldn't go too fast too soon, she relaxed herself a bit more. Her breathing became less irregular, and I moved myself up until I could see her face.

"You want me to stop, honey?"

"No. You just…surprised me."

"Sorry."

"Don't be. It was a good surprise."

I smiled as she kissed my neck, running her hand down the length of my torso. She paused to pull the straps of my bra down until it hung loosely around my stomach. I unfastened it with one quick flick of my fingers and it fell off the side of the bed. She placed her fingers at the pinnacle of my neck before hesitantly placing her palm over my breast and I gasped, nearly crashing to the floor as a result. I had never felt more alive then I did right at that moment. All of my senses were awaken with that one simple touch. She squeezed quite hard and I kissed the top of her shoulder.

"Too much?" She whispered.

I shook my head. "Do whatever you want to me."

She was tentative, but knew I trusted her. Slowly she cupped the other, kneading the flesh gently, making the nipple stand erect. Before I knew what hit me, she had enclosed her mouth around my breast experimentally, sucking softly, drawing me further into the wetness of her mouth. This time there were no colors; just pure waves of energy surging through the center of my being. I felt myself not only moan, but dissolve into her as I did so. She was the only person who existed, there was no one else. A bit worried, Paige met my lips to silence me, pushing me back into the headboard. I let my mind assume it was worry, but it could've been any number of things. Trying my absolute hardest not to let the feeling of lust grab hold of the wheel, I counted to ten in my head, remembering what I had promised to her. If I let her down she'd tear me limb from limb and I'd be lucky if I went back home to Ontario alive.

The heat between her legs was increasing and I rested my hand there, making her whimper. Her eyes never left my own. Watching, waiting to see what'd I do next. Two fingers. Then three. Her hips were thrashing like mad and I gently rubbed her shoulder. I wondered if she saw the same stars I had when she'd done this to me. I knew she was close to orgasm, so I picked up the pace ever so slightly, still keeping my promise of being completely placid with her. I wanted her to feel everything I felt, read it is if it were a chapter book, ingrain it into every brain cell. Then she would finally understand the hold she had over me.

She dug her nails into my lower back and I flinched. _Just a little faster, _I thought. _She needs the release._ Her nails only pushed in deeper once I sped up, and I was certain she had drawn blood, but strangely it didn't matter. If it had been Jay, I would've castrated him, but Paige was an entirely different story. I wasn't going to find another girl like her, not even if I traveled to the ends of the earth for decades. There was only one Paige, there was only this moment, and that's all that really mattered.


	15. I Will Overflow

**A/N: I feel bad for not doing my homework on Calgary…I had a feeling it was far away, but I simply overlooked it. So…I'm going to fix the previous chapters to show that Alex had been driving for the proper amount of time, and because of this, their vacation will be longer as well because they need enough time to get back and all that jazz. I'll let you know once I've made the changes. I'm not really happy with this chapter, but I'm never happy with anything I write lol. It's more of an in-between while I think of what I want to happen in 15. I realize I also have to end this story at some point and I have no clue as to how I will end it lol. I think I can probably get at least three more chapters until the epilogue, maybe a bit more. All depends on which direction I want the story to take. **

**Thank you for all the kind reviews! Cookies for all! Hehe. (Chocolate chip of course!)**

**CHAPTER FOURTEEN:**

Soon she had fallen asleep; her hair a mess, her features reflecting exhaustion. If I looked at her close enough it seemed she was aging right before my eyes. So many lines I hadn't seen before. The sun was beginning to go down, a purple glow washed over her. She seemed so far away even though I was lying right next to her. Why couldn't I ever sleep as she? So peaceful with her hands tucked under her face. Her breathing was soft, rhythmic, her lips set in a straight line. Her eyelids twitched every now and then and it made me smile. _Is she dreaming?_ I knew by not sleeping the circles under my eyes were only going to get heavier, but night was when everything and everyone came alive.

I sighed happily at the sight of her, gingerly lifting her leg as it had fallen off of the bed, and pulled the sheets and blankets up to cover her waist. She didn't move an inch and inwardly I praised myself for not disturbing her. A twinge of pain stung my back from her long nails and knew I had bled. It didn't matter. Pulling my tank top down over my head, I opened the double doors to the small balcony outside. There was a chill wafting through the air, but it didn't seem to faze me as I took in my surroundings. The purple sky beckoned and I closed my eyes just for a moment. Life was all around and every bit of it entered me; my mind someplace else. Why couldn't it always feel like this? Why couldn't my eyes always see this beauty? I looked down. _They are below, I'm on top. I'm just one person; one speck. I never want to be where they are, seduced by the superficiality that this world has taken on. I want to stay as I am. I just want this energy to course through me until I can no longer withstand it._ _I want to just cry. I want to breathe her in, hold her to me and love her. I don't care about anyone else. They couldn't ever understand._

I wasn't living in the moment any longer, that moment had passed. It was a memory now. I was living for whatever was to come, calmly. It was all I could do. Naked from the waist down, the air unpleasant to my exposed flesh, I shuddered but ignored it at the same time. It made me feel real. I didn't care if anyone could see me. The thoughts of complete strangers never matter. I gripped the railing tightly and pressed my body against it as the wind whipped at my face. My soul bared unabashedly, I simply stood letting the sounds of everything from human voices to car horns and chirping crickets seep into my mind until I overflowed with it all. Not only was I living out my dreams, I was truly living for the first time in my life.

--

"Are you sure you're okay?" She'd only asked that question about a thousand times.

"Yes Paige. Yes."

"I just can't believe I did that…I feel horrible."

"I know you feel horrible, but it's fine. I'm okay."

"Here, have my other waffle. I'm not that hungry."

"I had three already. I think I'm good," I laughed, shaking my head.

"You sure? Want more coffee?"

"If I have anymore I might vomit. But thanks, though."

Paige sighed sharply, setting the coffee pot down in mid-pour.

"Lexy…for God's sake I branded you with my nails. I'm surprised you haven't attempted to scald me with coffee yet."

"I wouldn't and I'm not going to. I don't care that you left marks on my back, it doesn't matter."

Paige blinked. "You're serious?"

"Yes! Remember what I said before? You could drive a wooden spike through my heart…"

"Yeah I know but…"

"But nothing. It's over honey. Now get that coffee pot away from me before I spew chunks."

Paige obeyed, stiffly walking back over to her chair, thudding down with a huff.

"Hmm. Rest of this story is missing. Paige, can you hand me 34C?"

Silence. I looked up to see that she hadn't even acknowledged my question, but was moving food around on her plate with her fork.

"Babe?"

The utensil clanked down loudly as she met my questioning gaze head-on, irritation written all over her face.

"Oh of course. Anything else I can for you?"

The hostility in her voice stung me and I blinked, resting the paper by my feet. "Paige. What…?"

"You know, I'm just trying to look out for you. Sorry if I've been spoiling you all morning or showing remorse for what I did. And I don't appreciate being told what to do, how to feel."

"I never told you how you should feel. I just meant that you don't have to worry about what you did. I'm not going to die, I'm perfectly fine. Don't you understand that I love you so fucking much that even if you dumped acid on my head and threw a match on me I wouldn't care?"

Her face softened as she walked over to my shaken form, squatting down until we were at eye level.

"God. Alex, look. I'm so sorry. I'm a big drama queen, I can't help it. Knowing that I did that made me feel like crap."

"Well…you know what? You could do that to me right now and it still wouldn't matter."

She looked confused and stared at me a moment. "But why?"

"I love you. It's as simple as that."

She smiled somewhat sadly, as if torn by too many emotions, uncertain of which to express.

"You never have to eat breakfast with me again."

I laughed and then she kissed me, holding my face steady with her hand. I rested my palm on her shoulder, deepening the kiss until we were in desperate need of oxygen.

"You taste like that strawberry crap that was on your waffle," I grinned, licking my lips.

She giggled. "And you taste like coffee."

"Gee. What a shock. I only drank half my fucking weight in coffee!"

Paige pushed my shoulder as she laughed once more. "Alright, I get it. No more coffee."

"Ever again!" I finished. Never did I tire of hearing her laugh. "As you wish."

--

After much debate, I allowed Paige to drive us around the city much to my displeasure. I hated when other people drove my car. Nothing would be in the same condition as it was afterward. Paige adjusted the seat to where she was practically lying on top of the dashboard. I winced as if I were in pain and shook my head.

"I don't get how you can maneuver your mom's van around, yet my dumpy clown car you can't even reach the pedals without moving the seat up as far as it can go…"

"I don't either, hun. One of life's mysteries I suppose. I'm short, and this car is low to the ground, so…by adjusting the seat, proper vision is guaranteed."

I leaned back on the headrest, semi-annoyed. "Why don't you just let me drive?"

"Alex, no whining. You drove all the way here, remember? You deserve a break."

I smirked. "Yeah, true. But we did break for the night. Not like I drove nonstop."

"I know, but it was still a big undertaking. We really should've taken turns."

"You're the guest, you shouldn't have to drive."

"Hun, we both chipped in for the hotel."

"Right. Well…whatever. What difference does it make? We're here – in one piece, so floor it, Sparky."

"Woof," she replied sarcastically, and I couldn't help the smile from forming on my face. Slyly I slinked my hand over to her thigh, giving it a playful squeeze. Lightheartedly, she rolled her eyes.

I kept it there as we began to pull out of the parking lot and out onto the road. The feel of her always had an effect on me like no other; lulled me. Once more I felt at peace and sighed.

She glanced over to me and smiled. "Comfy?"

"You bet. So where the hell are we going?"

Paige laughed. "Wherever you want."

"I don't know anything about Calgary."

"I'm sure we'll find something interesting as we go."

"I've heard Disney World is interesting…"

"Ha-ha. Very funny."

"My parents had mentioned this restaurant – I can't remember the name, but they said the food is out of this world."

"Ugh. Don't ever mention the word food again either. I'm still recovering from breakfast."

She laughed. "Okay hun, fine. Come dinner time we'll look for it."

"Yay," came out cynical, dry, and we both laughed. She patted my knee. "Don't worry, you're in good hands my dear."

Forty-five minutes had gone by without so much as a peep from her until she slammed hard on the breaks, making an illegal u-turn.

"Paige, what the fuck, are you crazy?"

"I think I just saw Dean!"

"What? No you didn't. Dean's stupid ass would never be in Calgary."

"But…I could've sworn…"

She slowly pulled up into the parking lot of a shopping center and drove around aimlessly.

"The face I saw…it looked just like him."

"Well there's no way it really is. Come on babe, listen to yourself."

She sat there panting as she drove my car around in circles. "Okay. You're right, it probably wasn't him. I mean…there's no way. God Alex. Again, I'm so ---"

"Don't. Just don't."

"But Alex…"

"No. It's over. Forget it."

We were quiet a moment until she smiled over at me, stating simply, "Maybe we _should've_ gone to Disney."

I chuckled, reaching for her free hand. "Next time."

--

It was mid-day when Paige had located an art gallery; said it was the only thing that would take her mind off of the Dean-look-a-like, so I caved in. They were never my idea of fun, but with the two of us combined, we'd find a way to make it a memorable experience.

"What do you think of this one hun…it's an abstract."

I squinted, drawing myself a bit closer. "Is that an arm or a leg?"

She slung her arm around my waist as we both squinted at the painting.

"Maybe it's…you know it could even be flowers…see how it sort of follows a pattern?"

"Mmm. Okay. This is making my head hurt."

Paige smiled, squeezing my body to hers. "Aw, sorry. Let's move on to another one."

Before we even had a chance to move away from the strange painting, a woman stepped in front of us, blocking our path.

"Can I help the two of you with anything?" She asked politely.

Paige smiled brightly at the employee. "Oh, no thank you hun. We're just looking."

"That painting is on sale, you know. A fine piece. Only $600. Normally priced at $1000. One-of-a-kind. It's an import, very rare."

"No thank you, ma'am. We're just here to look," Paige insisted.

"Did you know that this artist draws his inspiration from every day life? Oceans, skies, birds, even people. He combines everything that he sees in one day and transforms it into art."

Paige glanced at me for help but I just shrugged and tried to keep a straight face. "Um okay, we'll we're just gonna…"

"Usually he paints only at night because the world is a much calmer place and he feels more at peace with himself. His name is Joshua Torres."

"We don't care," I snapped, and Paige hit me lightly on the arm.

"You'll have to excuse her…she's a bit cranky – we've had a rough morning."

"Understandable. It's not often we get teenagers in here. Just wanted to make sure you were taken care of."

"Well thank you so much, but really we're just going to continue looking. Have a nice day."

The lady smiled a bit weakly. "Same to you."

I let out the breath I'd been holding once she was finally out of earshot.

"God. What the hell was up with her?"

"She was just doing her job, Lex."

"Well yeah but she wouldn't catch a clue."

"That's what they do in places like these. Paintings equal big profits, so they'll do anything to sell them."

"Obviously. That old broad was one step away from handcuffing us to the door."

Giving an inward laugh, Paige playfully slapped me on the arm. "Will you stop it? You can be such a devil at times."

"But I'm _your_ devil, don't forget."

"Of course."

I broke her staring match with another painting and spun her around to face me.

"What?" Her eyes were dancing and there was such a look of innocence on her features that I couldn't help but melt under the sight of it.

I kissed her openly, passionately, not minding that people were already gaping at us. Her eyes fluttered closed, but they opened just as quick as they had shut and she looked a bit astonished as she pulled away a few inches.

"That's what."

There was no doubt in my mind that all thoughts of Dean had vanished with the look she gave me next. Always different, but yet always the same. Familiar, but at the same time not. I knew such looks were intended for me and me alone, and I relished in the fact. That look told me she wasn't living in the moment either because her smile grew wider and she laced my hand with hers as we trekked deeper into the gallery, overlooking the whispers and stares of others, laughing because together we felt happy and no one could take that away. We were on top. They…were on the bottom, simply looking up. And I just smiled.


	16. Its Gone From Light To Grey

**CHAPTER FIFTEEN:**

Against the passenger side window I rested my head, lightly dozing every now and then. She hadn't let me drive all day, but a part of me had to admit to relief. I was an angry driver, and in Calgary the traffic was just as bad as in Toronto; maybe even more so. Night had crept in some hours ago; adding to my state of complete exhaustion. We had stayed at the art gallery longer than I'd wished to, but all in all, it hadn't been as bad as I'd expected.

Paige had ended up buying a small painting for a little under $60 saying it reminded her of her childhood.

She studied it more closely once we got back into the car. The painting held several little girls in mid-run along a bridge, smiles all around with the parents standing off in the distance, holding hands.

"I just love the use of color." She ran her finger faintly up to the top. "For some reason just looking at it brings back a ton of memories."

"You know. Cookies, lemonade. Water sprinklers, sitting under the shade of patio furniture."

"Must've been nice," I said quietly.

The spell the painting held over her broken, she looked up at my words.

"Your mom never made cookies and lemonade for all the neighborhood kids in the summer?"

"My mom was either drunk or out cheating on my dad while he sat home with me. So, no."

Her voice became even softer, more loving than I'd ever heard it. "Even when you were little?"

"Yeah. Of course I had no idea at the time…but I grew up fast and I found out earlier than I should have."

"Oh."

The silence that covered us was uncomfortable, but it lasted only for a moment.

"What were you like when you were little?"

I shrugged, looking out my window.

"Lex?"

"I never lived in a house. Not even once. It was always a trailer or…some broken down apartment. My Dad was always crying. He'd take me out sometimes. I hated seeing him cry. But…when he took me out everything seemed alright. You know?" I met her eyes on those last two words and her eyes were still. She opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. I continued to hold her gaze, hoping to find an escape in those eyes, but they were so full of sadness and pity that I felt nothing except helplessness.

"Sounds like your Dad cared about you a lot."

"He did," I nodded. "But he left. So maybe I just thought he did."

"It wasn't you hun."

"He knew she was a shitty mother and a wife, so then why did he leave me with her? It doesn't make sense."

"Well…sometimes when people are really upset they don't think. Just react."

"Yeah."

More silence. Then: "I'm gonna go put this in the trunk. Be right back."

She let me doze, keeping the radio at a low volume. Her soft voice disturbed my slumber. "Alex? We're here."

"Hmm?" I moved around a bit and slowly opened my eyes.

"What time is it?"

"A little after nine."

"God. I'm such a wimp. Why am I so tired?"

"Well. It's been a long day…"

"True," I yawned.

"Well, I'm ready to get all snuggled up in bed even if it is early." Paige smiled and pulled the key from the ignition.

"I second that."

"I'll take the painting up to the room tomorrow, it's not going anywhere," she giggled, reaching for my hand once out.

"Fine by me."

The elevator held our tired bodies and Paige being much more coherent than I slipped her hand in the back pocket of my jeans, pressing her glossed lips to mine, ravishing my mouth._ I'm awake, I'm awake. Very awake_ was all that went through my mind as she did this. _Stop with the moaning, woman. You're driving me insane. Is she doing that on purpose?_

"Paige," I mumbled, trying to break the kiss. "Did someone inject you with steroids or something?"

She laughed into me. "No. Keep kissing me."

A sharp ding from the elevator startled the both of us and Paige sprinted off once the doors opened.

"Whoa, wait up there. Damn cheerleaders."

"I heard that!" She yelled back a ways.

Paige didn't waste anytime once she was inside the room. She threw down her purse and began undressing as if her clothes were on fire.

"Where in the hell do you get all of this energy?" I laughed, bewildered.

"It comes and goes." She shrugged, pulling on a very low-cut pajama top.

"Getting all comfy in bed with you brings it on I guess."

"Ugh. You are such a tease. You may as well just not wear a top at all."

"What can I say? I love to torture."

"I've noticed."

"Well get your butt in bed and maybe I will take the top off." She smirked at me, arching an eyebrow ever so candidly.

"Don't need to ask me twice," I laughed, removing my sneakers and clothing.

My hand froze on the knob of the dresser at her words. "Forget the PJ's. Just get over here."

"Uh-uh. Two can play at this game you know. You're gonna torture me, so I'll torture _you_ – by making you wait."

"Ugh! God Alex you suck!"

"I can bite too," I flirted.

"Shut up," she laughed, throwing a pillow at me.

I threw it back at her. "I'm gonna go brush my teeth – slowly."

"Whatever. I'll get you back for this."

"Mmm. Make it good," I whispered and laughed as her face darkened to a shade of maroon.

"I still got it."


	17. But I'll Move Those Clouds Away

**A/N: I've been doing a lot of brainstorming and so by Chap 17 or 18 you should I guess expect the unexpected. (Not sure yet which chapter it'll be). I actually already have half of the ending for this story written, but it looks like it'll be longer than I thought.**

**CHAPTER SIXTEEN:**

We spent many a night just exploring the town, taking advantage of whatever it had to offer, and it offered more than we'd ever seen or known. At night clubs came alive and we danced for hours on end. During the day we took tours by train and captured the sights, drank in the energy, marveled at the beauty the town held.

When she held me on the bridge after we got off of our latest sight-seeing tour, I'd never felt so lucky in all my life. Many people were staring. A lot of them old enough to be our parents or grandparents. No one said anything to our faces, just behind our backs when they thought we couldn't hear.

"They don't matter," I reminded her, breathing in the scent of shampoo that lingered in her hair.

Soon the sun set and the black sky lit up with artificiality, but in its own way, it was beautiful. The reds, greens, and blues collectively washed over us, bringing in an energy of its very own. Some colors were hard, others softer, stretching out over the water until it looked like a painting. Horns and sirens flared in the distance, providing evidence of life. The air was clean and the wind was cool yet fierce. My hair flew wildly around my face.

Others stood with us on the bridge that overlooked the city, taking it all in, yet still some hadn't stopped with the looks of contempt and disgust. Hadn't they more sense than that? To stand there and judge two people they didn't know? I forced myself to push the glaring looks from my mind and instead wrapped my arms around my girlfriend, smiling as she sighed at my touch.

"You have fun today?" I asked gently.

"Of course. We should've done this a long time ago."

"Yeah. But we can always come back again."

"I can't believe we have to go back tomorrow."

"Me either. Went fast, didn't it?"

"Yes."

"I still have some hot chocolate left. Want it?" I offered, holding out the Styrofoam cup.

"Sure. The way this wind is wiping around, I could use some."

"Yeah, I kinda agree with you there. Your nose is beet red."

"It's cute," I smirked and she of course rolled her eyes.

"Rudolph the red-noised reindeer…" I began.

"Shut it. It isn't Christmas."

"…Had a very shiny nose."

"Alex."

"And if you ever saw it…"

"Shut up."

"You would even say it glows!"

"Okay. You are _so_ not getting laid tonight."

"No! That's not fair. I'll stop, I promise."

"You better. Or else I wear the frumpy PJ's."

I shook my head. "You're so cruel."

"Not all the time," she winked, snaking her arm around my waist.

A few more heads turned in our direction, obviously having heard our entire conversation for they whispered to whoever was with them and then sneered.

"Could you two please keep it down? Some of us are trying to enjoy the view in peace." An elderly man spoke up, adjusting his hat in a lofty way.

"Paige, why don't we just go?"

"No way hun. That man has some serious issues with himself if he has to patronize us like that."

"It's so beautiful out here. I'm not letting anyone ruin it."

I smiled. "You know, I'm proud of you."

"Why?"

"Well a couple of months ago you would rather be eaten alive by piranhas than have someone see us together in public."

Her laugh was breathy and soft and warm on my neck. "Sweetie, what can I say? I was stupid. I mean, I know people have all sorts of colorful names for us, but I'm happy. I don't understand why someone like that man over there can be the way he is."

"Me either. Although I was like him at one point in my life, but I was just in denial. I found that it's not so easy to ignore your feelings, and they're only going to grow stronger the more you push them away."

"I know. I thought I'd be able to erase how I felt the night you kissed me, but I couldn't have been more wrong."

I nodded. "We should stay."

"For as long as we like," Paige added.

As I held her, lights around us twinkled, flashed and played tricks on the water as the wind ruffled its once calm state. I rested my chin on her shoulder and we stayed that way as our eyes roamed, serenity gradually consuming our worried minds until the only thing that remained was a pure feeling of being. The taste in my mouth was bittersweet and I closed my eyes. Inhale, exhale. Our five days of bliss were over, but who's to say it had to stop there? I suddenly felt cold and hugged her tighter. No. Our days of bliss were far from over.


	18. I Needed This From The Start

**CHAPTER SEVENTEEN:**

Although our vacation was short, we'd never learned more about one another than we did in that time. My soul truly felt refreshed; ready to take on anything life decided to throw my way. I'd taken the halo down off of her pretty head, yes, but she didn't seem to mind. I'd barely slept since the day we'd left, but when I did I experienced bouts of lucid dreaming, and often mumbled aloud, waking myself up, panicking when I couldn't feel her body heat next to me. Blindly, I'd reach under the covers for her hand and once I found her, she'd moan and roll over slightly, pressing her lips to my collarbone unconsciously. Every time I'd awake in this state, she'd do this and I couldn't help the smile as it crawled over my face.

One night she'd awoken on her own and whispered my name in the dark, asking if I were awake.

"I'm always awake."

_But why?_ I'd love to have that answered.

She'd move in closer until every part of our bodies touched, holding me gently around the midsection.

I hated having to wake up only to find she was no longer there. She always seemed to be up even before the sun, always doing something.

"God, about freaking time you got up!" Would always earn her a sneer.

Back in Toronto, the air was much cooler than when we left. My thoughts were hazy and I desperately needed a full night's sleep. She'd kept rather quiet throughout the entire way back, but I knew why. Home meant we'd have to succumb to school, concession stands, missed assignments, and unwanted conversation from our peers. Even though social interaction with anyone else besides each other was the farthest thing from our minds, I dragged her into Coffee Bean and bought her a coffee. Where this money came from, I hadn't the slightest idea.

"I thought you said you never wanted to drink coffee ever again?"

She had me there. "I love the coffee here. I can't resist it."

"Hypocrite," she teased, giving me a playful push in the direction of the door.

We sat in my car with the windows down. The sun was setting lower by the second, but it still held ample lighting, bathing everything in a yellow glow. As she stirred her coffee I couldn't help as I just stared. The light seemed to enter her pores running ramped until she became the sun. By the outward expression of her body language, she was wholly at peace with herself; more than content. She seemed to be gazing at something I couldn't see, and probably would never.

Oddly, I was just fine with that. I knew better than to interrupt someone when a look such as that crossed their features. Both of our coffees half-gone some moments later, I spoke up.

"So…this vacation didn't suck or anything, right?"

"Are you kidding? Of course not. It's too bad we couldn't find that restaurant my parents raved about, but there's always next time. I had a great time there."

I smiled, relieved. "Good. I did too. I was just worried that maybe it wasn't like what you were expecting or something."

"To be honest, it felt like a dream really. I don't know what it is about Calgary and Alex. They make a breathtaking combination." She smiled sleepily.

"Calgary I agree, but me? No. You could've had just as much fun without me."

"Psh. I don't think so, hun. It'd be very lonely and scary."

"So I guess I'm the protector, huh?"

"You guess right my dear. I've even considered hiring you as my bodyguard."

I laughed. "Does it pay well?"

"A buck fifty an hour," she nodded and I rolled my eyes.

"A dollar and fifty cents isn't 'well' Paige. More like shitty."

"Fine then. I'd throw in a few make out sessions here and there…"

"It's a deal. When do I start?"

The both of us now laughing, Paige set down her cup, resting her hand on my arm.

"You've already been hired."

"Oh I like flirty Paige. She's uber fun."

"I hope that's not the only side of me you like."

"Of course not. I enjoy the many layers of Paige."

"Good. I feel the same about you."

She squeezed my arm then began to gently stroke my hair. "So are you just gonna drop my ass at home after this or are you going to come in with me?"

"And do what?"

"Post-Calgary homecoming sex, Duh. What else?"

"With your parents there? Oh yeah that'd be a fun one to explain."

"Alex, my parents are never home. You know that by now."

"Actually, I can't. I have to check in on my mom every now and then. Especially after the whole Chad incident."

"Aww. Okay fine," she pouted. "Later tonight maybe?"

"I'll think about it."

"Well I'll keep the cell on. Just give me a ring when you're able."

"Okay. So are we ready to go back to our respective dungeons?"

"As much as my mind is protesting it, my body is giving out a SOS signal, so yes."

"What about you?"

"Hell no, but just thought it'd be rude not to ask."

--

After I helped Paige get all of her luggage back into her bedroom, I kissed her goodbye and was on my way out the door. I licked the taste of her off of my bottom lip. Cappuccino and strawberry lip gloss now a part of me. I smiled to myself and took the long way home, letting the sensations of her linger on me, around me and inside of me. Tomorrow things would begin their normal pace, redundancy over-ridding the comfort I'd felt for those five days, but the essence of Paige herself would simply remain.

Night came crashing down, but the moon was bright and provided all the light I needed. I grabbed my things and began to slowly walk up the stairs to my floor. I didn't even bother putting the key into the lock, she knew I was coming back today.

"How'd it go?" hit my ears even before I fully got myself inside.

"Fine," I replied automatically. Then after a moment, "It was awesome. But I'm exhausted, so I'm going to get a nap."

"Tomorrow's Sunday, you have all day to sleep. Now tell me about your vacation."

I dropped my bag at my feet and shrugged. "What's to tell? We went there, saw stuff, ate food, danced, laughed and then I drove us back."

"I know you can give me a bit more info than that, Lexy. Jesus. I'm your mother."

"Okay. Fine. The sights were beautiful, the music was loud and relentless, the food was so good I must've gained twenty pounds, and Paige is amazing."

She sat up a bit from her slouched position on the couch, setting down her beer. "Amazing? Why is Paige amazing?"

_Did I say that out loud? Shit._

"I meant her dancing is amazing. Yeah. I'm going to bed now."

"Alright fine, go to bed. Nice to see you too," she slurred her speech somewhat and I cringed.

_Damn alcohol. And that was close._

--

Sleep was instantaneous and deep. My dreams were filled with color. I was literally floating, my palms turned upright, energy flowed into them, filling me, bringing me higher and higher. Paige suddenly appeared there, touched my hand. Then I saw a heart engulfed in light. It was beating at a comfortable speed. A smile. Her eyes burned into mine. "One," was what she said. She caught the tear that rolled down my cheek. I knew what she meant.


	19. From The Inside Out, We Will Fall

**A/N:** **Yes, this story will be longer than I thought'd it be but I definitely know where it's headed now. Mucho love (and cookies) to my reviewers!**

**CHAPTER EIGHTEEN:**

At a quarter after nine, the loud ringing of my cell phone filled the room, catapulting me awake. I sat up a bit, eager to drown out the obnoxious sound at its source.

"Hmm?"

"I guess I woke you up."

"I guess you did," I chuckled, falling back on my pillow.

"Ooh you sound all breathy and Angelina Jolie-like. Keep talking."

I laughed. "Whatever. Do you have a reason for waking me up, or is this just a booty call?"

"Partially. But I also wanted to see how you were. I'm sorry I woke you."

"It's okay."

"You think you're up to coming over? I can come get you."

"Mmm…alright. Just need a few minutes to fix myself."

"No problem. I can be there in about fifteen."

"Okay. See you then."

--

I ran a brush through the tangled mess that was my hair, and threw on some fresh clothing, tucking my phone away in my front pocket. I then rummaged through the fridge for a Pepsi as a pick me up; my mother's eyes on me the entire time.

"Going out?"

"No. I normally get dressed in the middle of the night for no apparent reason, mom."

"Don't need the attitude. Where are you going?"

"Where else? To Paige's."

"Haven't you two seen enough of each other? I feel like I don't even know you anymore."

_You've never known who I am._

"Look. Just because Chad bolted doesn't give you to right to crawl up my ass just because you want the spotlight."

"I'm not crawling up your ass, Lexy. I _care_ about you. Is that so wrong?"

"I can tell you a million things that are wrong, but then we'd be here all damn night."

"Why do you always put up a wall?"

"Why do you always ask me a barrage of questions?" I shot back.

"Fine." She got up from the couch, wiping her unruly hair from her eyes. "You know what, go do what you want. Sorry that I ever wasted your time."

Before I had a chance to say anything else, she slammed the door to her bedroom. It made me jump and then scowl. Although I'd given her every reason to storm off, I still loathed the sound with every bone in my body. It was almost like someone closing you out from their life entirely, cutting the cord with obvious malice, never to repair the connection.

I finished the last of my drink, crushing the can in one firm squeeze, leaving it there on the table. I decided to go outside and wait.

--

The soda helped to heighten the energy I needed to stumble over her luggage still sitting in the same spot in her bedroom and hit the bed with her staring intensely into my eyes. It felt like she was reading into everything I'd ever thought in my entire life. Tonight those mood ring eyes were brimming with lust and it deflated me. It shouldn't have, but it did. There was no conceivable way I could compare her to any past boyfriends I'd had; her mind didn't work like a man's. Our first sexual journey had obviously sparked something in her that wasn't there before. Sex was good. It was always good. Sometimes it meant nothing, other times there was an actual connection to the individual, and then it meant everything. Paige meant everything, and so badly did I want us to be more than just two bodies swimming in the sheets; but did she feel the same?

"I love you," I intoned sharply. It was a challenge.

Her face softened, the lust diminishing just as quickly as it had appeared. "I love you. More."

More? How could that be possible?

She promptly cut off any words on their way out with her lips on my own. Her taste was overpowering and I let myself just drown.

Whenever I closed my eyes I could see the image of the beating heart. It made all of the neurons in my body go haywire to the point where I was practically in tears. I felt happy yet simultaneously depressed. I couldn't help myself as I pulled away from her touch, wrapping the sheets around my body.

"Honey? What's the matter? Did I do something?"

"No. I just…had a fight with my mom. That's all."

She scooted closer to me, forcing me to look at her.

"What about?"

"You. Well not just you. I never tell her anything and she hates that."

"Well…maybe you should. And you should also tell her about us, too. It'll clear up a lot."

"I don't think I'm ready for that."

"Your mom is so sweet, though. I doubt she'd have a problem with it."

"I guess. But I'm just scared."

"I know. I haven't told mine yet either. Maybe if they were actually around…but you know. Just do it when you feel ready."

"Yeah."

"But on a lighter note, you've certainly made my night."

I smiled, kissing her cheek. "Oh Paige. You randy teenager, you."

Her laughter was becoming almost like a favorite song; I could listen to it over and over. Without her knowing it, she was able to remove the knife in my soul and repair it in that instant. No more pain. Just her smiles, laughter, whispered words and soft kisses. _I can tell my mom. No, I have to. When I don't know, but I can't hide forever._

--

"Can I walk you to your door?" We sat in her car, outside my apartment.

I nodded and she pulled the van into a parking space and we took our time as we walked up that agonizing flight of steps.

"Be careful babe. There's rats up here."

She shot me a horrified look. "You're kidding!"

"Nope. Gizmo and Belinda can be seen during night hours with little junior scampering around, so watch where you step."

Paige smirked, giving her famous eye roll. "You've named them. How quaint."

"Of course. What else would one do?"

"Maybe some poison, perhaps. Professionally done, might I add. Eew. Rats."

"What, you mean you don't trust my homemade rat poison? Oh. Stab me in the heart why don't you!"

"Whisky and orange juice doesn't constitute as poison, my dear."

I scratched my head lightheartedly. "It doesn't? Oh darn."

"Dorkus," she laughed, putting her arm around my shoulders.

Upon arrival to my door, she slowly retracted her touch. I instantly felt alone.

"Well…we're here," she said, her eyes darting around.

"Yeah. So…you working tomorrow?"

"No. Tuesday. You can stop by after if you want."

"Okay. Maybe we can go out to dinner? Someplace nice."

She smiled. "I'd love to."

"You know, since we couldn't find that restaurant and all. I'm sure we can find something good."

"That's sweet. Bring a change of clothes with you and get cleaned up over my house. I'm sure you don't want to wear that ugly uniform out."

"Naturally," I laughed. "So it's a date, then?"

"Sure is."

"Cool." I leaned in to kiss her goodnight. "Thanks for picking me up."

"Don't mention it, hun. I love you." At her confession, my heart began to pound.

"I love you too." I kissed her again, letting it run deeper until I heard her giggle and slowly pull back.

She was grinning from ear-to-ear. "Go get some sleep."

"Yes ma'am," I teased. "Goodnight."

"Night hun."

I watched as she walked all the way down the corridor and back down the stairs. When she was out of view, only then did I turn the key in the lock. However I realized that the door was already open about a fraction and quickly yanked the key out, dropping it in my haste and astonishment. _What the fuck? No. No._ I pushed the door open the rest of the way and met my mother head-on, her face mirroring my own distress.

"Alex what the _hell_ was that?"


	20. Watch Me Fall On Down, Head First

**Watch Me Fall On Down, Head First**

**A/N: It gets a bit darker here. This was a bit hard for me to write, and I hope that no one ever has to go through this, but sadly, it happens all the time.**

**CHAPTER NINETEEN:**

Hand frozen on the doorknob, I seemed to have lost my ability to communicate. I just stood there, desperately trying to form coherent words. But I couldn't.

"Answer me!"

_I don't want to. I just want to disappear into the carpeting._

"What…are you in some kind of _relationship_ with her?"

"I…Mom. Okay, calm down and just listen to me.."

"You _kissed_ her!"

"Mom…"

"Shut up! You are nothing but a goddamn liar! You sneak around here, only coming home to dump off your shit then jump in that girl's car and do God knows what with her!"

"I wasn't lying okay, I was SCARED. There's a difference."

She ran a hand through her hair, then crossed her arms over her chest, unable to meet my eyes.

"I love her."

"Get out." I knew this tone; she'd used it many a time with Chad. It was threatening.

I felt the emotion rising in my throat and I bit back any tears that were on the brink of spilling out.

"Mom…I _love_ her."

I'd put everything I was into those four words, my sincerity as clear as day; as crystal. I hoped maybe I'd see a discernable change in her, but I was wrong. She knocked over the coffee table, the contents crashing loudly to the floor. She enclosed a chunk of my hair in her hand and pulled so hard, the tears I'd been holding in came fourth effortlessly. The next five minutes were the longest of my entire life as she beat me down to the floor, each blow more violent than the one before it. I didn't know if she was drunk, or I had just set her off with my words, but either way it confirmed the fact that I had no idea who my mother was.

I wasn't going to say I was sorry. There was nothing to be sorry for. She was much stronger than I; it was no use trying to aid her off. Finally, it ceased, but not without one last hard cuff to my ribs before she completely backed away from my form. I clutched the tender section and winced as I sat up a bit. She stumbled across the room and fell slack on the couch, covering her face with her palm.

No sound came from her, but I knew she was crying from the way her body quivered. I tried sitting up a bit more and coughed as a result. I swallowed down newfound pain and somehow got to my feet and dragged myself into my bedroom. I felt stripped of life, but somewhere inside of me there was one last grain of energy left that allowed my tears to fall. I ripped the dirty clothing from my duffle bag, throwing them in a corner. At this point, I had no concept of what I put into the bag. I just knew I needed to get out there, away from her, and let those agonizing five minutes become nothing more than a memory.

As I wiped the wetness from my face, my fingers hit a sore patch of skin a ways under my right eye, and I seethed with the pain I had stimulated. Seeing only red, I slung the bag around my shoulder, picked up my car keys and strode towards the front door.

"Alex where are you going?" Her voice was strained from sobbing.

I stopped, staring at her incredulously, not wanting to have anymore to do with this woman, but unable to hold my tongue.

"Hauling my lesbian ass out of this shithole," I growled.

"Honey…wait. I'm sorry, okay? I've had too much to drink and…"

"Fuck you and fuck your drunkenness and fuck everything you stand for. I'm leaving."

Yet another door slams in another face distraught on the other side, closing them in as well as off. Keep your words far from me as they sting much worse than your intoxicated beatings could ever. You don't know me or love me; you only understand that keeping tabs on my life is part of your job description. It's required of you to act concerned or interested when in reality neither of those things are running through your selfish mind. You are hopeless and this worn being is tired of feeling just that. You may have thrown a hook in my path, you may have burned down one side of my bridge, but it doesn't mean you've succeeded. Life isn't about blending in, being normal, following the crowd. It's about the energy; feeling it come in waves as it splashes inside your body, the beautiful simplicity of a sunset, the acceptance of change and where it takes us. You fail to see anything beyond that tired old sofa and I pity not only you, but anyone else that manages to fall under your façade. I'm back on solid ground now. You've only made me stronger.

--

It was growing dangerously closer to midnight, simply showing up at Paige's house would be out of question. But I needed someplace to stay. Judging by the soreness of my ribs, they needed to be checked out by a doctor. It was sheer agony to even breathe. I found myself contemplating driving over to the Michalchuk's, but then grimaced after a moment. _Don't be selfish. They're all sleeping. And besides, how the hell can Paige fix this? It's not like she's Harry Potter and can just wave a fucking wand. You need a goddamn doctor. And a place to sleep. _

After having my fill of driving around aimlessly, pondering my situation, I reasoned there was only one option: women's shelter. It was open all day and night and you could come and go with no questions asked of you. The normal shelters always were dilapidated, smelt of death, and had the most uncomfortable beds known to man. As I pulled into a parking space, I made a mental note to myself to call Paige in the morning and clue her in as to what went on. Our dinner date for Tuesday obviously wasn't going to happen, but it was trivial and didn't matter. I took a cot in the far corner of the room, away from curious eyes and loud chatter. Slowly I made up my bed and climbed under the covers, facing the wall. If I let my legs dangle off the end a bit, the pain wasn't as bad and I could lie there calmly enough to let sleep overtake my mind. It crept in achingly slow, but once the lights finally dimmed, blackness devoured all those nagging thoughts and worries, replacing it instead with clear imagery unfitting to what I'd just experienced in my waking hours.

A warm hand held mine, swung it back and fourth gently. Blue skies and a bridge. The sun peeking through the clouds, its rays washing over her skin, illuminating her hair. Deep emerald pools singing a song. Her lips pink and wet closed in over mine, leaving a sweet taste that would remain for days afterward. No words, just silence. Touches and smiles taking the place of conversation. Wrapped up in her aura, happy to never feel anything else, her breath cool on my face. Mind numb to the world, I let her energy transcend my soul. This time I'm never coming back down.


	21. Found Water To Douse The Flame

**CHAPTER TWENTY:**

You've reached Paige. So sorry I missed your call, but I'll get back to you ASAP. 

I frowned at the phone in my hand. I wasn't getting a clear enough reception, but her not answering wasn't helping matters. I'd only been calling since the second I woke up. Finally, I decided to leave her a message:

"Before I skip merrily to church, I just wanted to let you know that my mom is a psychotic bitch and beat the shit out of me because she saw us kissing in the hall. You probably have about eighty missed calls from me at this point. Please call me back the second you get this, okay? I really need to talk you because right now I'm stuck. Love you, bye."

I tried keeping my voice low, but I knew that some had overheard what I said. They were the ones who stared. I rolled my eyes, sick to death of this place already._ Just make with the damn food already because it'll serve in distracting my pain for as long as I'm shoving it all down my throat. _Their food normally was piping hot, greasy, and sat on the lowest end of the pyramid, but it helped to quiet the rumbling. I couldn't even remember the last thing I'd eaten. That same overly-cheerful woman that I was certain knew more than my first and last name, began to make her rounds with the breakfast cart some minutes later. She seemed to take a lifetime to get to me, but it was worth it to see her genuine smile once she acknowledged my presence.

The paper bag was saturated in grease around the middle. "It's hot," she warned, and handed it to me carefully.

I nodded, accepting the food.

"How are you honey?"

I shrugged. "I'm alive, but that's a little obvious."

"You're so young – you shouldn't be here."

"Tell that to my bitch of a mother. Or lack thereof."

Her features softened considerably. "I'm sorry."

"Yeah. Have a good day."

She smiled again, this time a bit sadly. "You too."

_That isn't likely, but I get it. Politeness._

I finished my breakfast wrap in nearly one bite, changed my clothes in the washroom, and headed out.

_I wonder how often Paige checks her voicemail_ I thought as I slid behind the wheel. _Oh to bloody hell with waiting. I'm going over there._

I loathed the fact that the sky was so clear and blue and that the sun basked my surroundings in an incandescent manner. Why did those cumulous clouds make way for this light, let it catch on the tree tops? Why was the air so cool against my skin as I leaned my elbow out the window? It didn't make sense. It should've been raining, coming down in sheets with golf-ball sized hail, a blackened sky blanketing the city in all its fury. But today, the world did not feel up to cooperating with me. Birds sang happily to one another as I pulled up in Paige's driveway. Surprisingly, I didn't see any cars there, but I knew she had to be home.

It was almost ten o'clock. She was probably still lounging around in her Pj's, oblivious to what condition I was in, glad to have spent the night in her own bed. I stepped up on the stoop and pressed the doorbell, wincing as a sharp pang coursed through my side. All I'd done was lift my arm and it felt like someone had wedged a knife in me. I bit my lip to keep from seething, lighting up when the doorknob began to turn. Much to my dismay, her mother stood in front of me, wearing a baffled expression. I knew I appeared as though I'd gotten into a fist fight with an SUV and lost, horribly. It showed on each and every inch of me, no doubt.

"My God…are you…?"

"Is Paige home?" I rasped, not at all in the mood to deal with a parental figure, even if she wasn't mine.

"Uh. Yes, yes she is. What on earth happened to you? You're Alex, right?"

"I really wish I weren't, but yeah I am."

She placed a comforting hand on the back of my neck, gently guiding me inside. "What happened to you, sweetheart? Are you alright?"

"It's a long story. I'm sorry if I seem rude, but I _really_ need to talk to Paige."

"Oh no it's perfectly alright. She's upstairs. Would you like some ice for that bruise?" She was referring to the mark under my eye.

"Yes…please."

"I'll bring it up straight away."

"Thank you." And with that I was up those stairs in a heartbeat, ignoring the pain this brought on. How I'd gotten myself through the night was a mystery.

I knocked lightly on her bedroom door, bracing myself for the emotional outburst that was about to unfold with just one glance of her eyes. I'd see more of those worry lines, the life drain from her soul. She was the definition of life to me, I wasn't sure if I could handle it. "Paige?" My voice was thick, scratchy. Phlegm was building in my throat, but I'd rather jump off a highway than cough, so I swallowed it down. The door swung open in that instant, which I hadn't been expecting. Those beautiful eyes of hers sized me up, and I averted my gaze, meeting the floor instead. All that hit my ears was a gasp.

"Oh my God. Alex…" She trailed off and I looked up just in time to see her press her hand to her mouth.

"What happened?" My eyes were burning something fierce, but I refused to let the tears fall.

Did I even need to explain the entire scenario to her? She wasn't dense. "I kiss my girlfriend and then I'm on the floor – getting the shit kicked out of me."

If it were humanly possible, her face fell even more, horror etched into every feature. So deep were those lines now; deeper than I'd ever seen.

"Oh God. I just…I can't believe it."

"I know. I can't either. What I really can't believe is the fact that she was spying on me. Maybe we were talking too loud." A tear managed to escape and roll down my cheek, but she brushed it away soon thereafter.

"Shh. Don't worry about that honey. Let me get you some ice."

"Your mom already said she was on that," I nodded.

"Sit down, okay? I'll be right back." She scurried out of her room, and I proceeded to sit on the edge of her bed, almost in slow motion. More pain. If I leaned back on my elbows, it was somewhat tolerable, so I stayed in that position until Paige returned, her mother close behind. Mrs. Michalchuk carried a tray with what appeared to be a cup of tea. Steam billowed out of it. Paige handed me an ice pack, took the tray from her mother and set it down on the floor. She squatted down in front me, resting her hand on my knee, running it back and fourth soothingly. She just watched me. I appreciated her concern, but her mother really didn't need to be there.

"I'll leave you two alone, just yell if you need anything," she announced suddenly, as if reading my mind.

"It doesn't make sense," Paige whispered once the door closed. "Your mom seemed so down-to-earth, not at all like someone who would just turn on you like that."

"Well. She was drunk and already pissed at me. But I'm sure the alcohol played a bigger part."

"Does anything else hurt?"

"My ribs – like hell. It hurts to sit. Or move. Or exist."

"Want me to take you to the doctor?"

I nodded, bringing down the ice pack so I could see her more clearly.

"I'm sorry. You were probably looking forward to an Alex-free day, now you have to cart my ass to a hospital."

"On the contrary. Alex-free days are much too dull. Drink your tea and then we'll leave."

--

Luckily, nothing was broken. There was just bruising and soreness. I was prescribed some medication for the pain and told to rest and avoid strenuous activity. My doctor handed me a lollypop as a joke, but at my dirty look, he retracted his hand, frowning.

"You're going to be okay, Alex. Just trying to lighten the mood."

If only he knew who did this to me and why then he wouldn't be trying to get a rise out of me.

"It's okay hun," Paige reassured, pushing the unkempt hair from my eyes. "We'll just go back to my house and take it easy."

"I think we have some cookie dough ice cream. That sound good?"

"Sure," I replied flatly, indifferent to the thought of comfort food.

"Hey," she said once we were back in the parking lot.

"What?"

She smiled gently. Taking a step in front of me, she planted a soft kiss on my lips.

"I think we have whipped cream too," she whispered, sending a sly wink in my direction.

_What a devil._

"Just had to bring that up, didn't you?" I beamed, surprised at myself for doing so. Smiling was the only activity that didn't hurt.

"Well…they go hand-in-hand don't they?"

"Paige…you heard what the doctor said."

"No one ever said activity involving whip cream had to be strenuous. Much more sensual that way, might I add."

"Ugh. Once more I fall prey to your magnetism. Damn you."

**A/N: I'm not positive yet, but I think there might be about four more chapters left. I already have the entire epilogue written strangely enough, which I finished some chapters ago. I have mixed feelings about it, as I do with everything I write, but I'm hoping it ties everything in. I think I left it open enough for a possible continuation, but right now I'm not focusing on that too much. I also wanted to add that I appreciate all the positive reactions to this story thus far, and that it really means a lot.**

**And to unname, you're welcome for the blog comment. I'd been just lurking for a while, but finally decided to say something. Oh, and the whole review you did on the Season 3 DVD had me laughing so hard I'm pretty sure I ruptured something vital, haha.**


	22. I'm Tangled Up In You

**CHAPTER TWENTY ONE:**

**A/N: Usually I don't update this soon, but work and life in general has been stressing me out, so writing this story is helping to keep me composed. This chapter has seemed to take on a life of its own. The song Collide by Howie Day helped to inspire me as well.**

I'm lying on my back, her soft mattress cradling every muscle. The light disrupts my sleep, forcing me to open one eye. Even though it has awakened me, a drowsy smile finds its way onto my lips as I glance over. She has a natural glow about her as well as the one provided by sunlight resting delicately on her exposed skin. It catches on a section of her tousled locks and shimmers. I reach my hand out slowly, and the light merges with my fingers until I push the hair out of her face.

It had to be at least noon, maybe later than that. Even though it was all over, the sensations she'd left on me lingered and whenever I closed my eyes, it replayed over in my head like I wasn't physically there when it occurred. She'd been dominate, yet simultaneously sweet, careful not to come in close contact with my abdomen. She had so much power it made me tremble. I found myself paralyzed under her gaze, only aware of what she was doing to me and the racing of my heart. Everything else faded into the abyss.

Then she just let me sleep. She knew I had to have been tired, having spent the night on a stiff army cot. She stroked my hair gently, which helped in lulling. A calm devoured me then, and I had the most vivid and colorful dreams of my entire life. I was in a temple, looking up to the sky. Birds flying gracefully overhead. They were communicating with one another, only I could understand what they were saying.

"You can't continue living like this. You can't live for other people. Live for yourself."

"I know," the other replies quietly. "Easier said than done."

I watched them until they were mere specks among the clouds and then the temple disintegrated. I fell down into the earth with it, screaming for someone to help me. But no one came. Then orange luminosity swept away the feeling of terror and I was awake. More awake then I'd ever been. That dream made me appreciate everything around me at the moment. Even though I'd be in dire pain if I attempted to switch over to my side, I was thankful my ribs weren't fractured or else I'd have internal bleeding or lack of oxygen. I would then be in the hospital closed inside a cold emergency with an incoherent mind; a fork metaphorically scrambling my brain cells. I shook my head, clearing it of that kind of thinking. I had the most wonderful girl in this bed next to me and when she slept, all her emotions played out on her features. Her lips twitched and eyelids fluttered slightly. She seemed so at peace with herself, that it wouldn't have surprised me remotely if she simply floated away.

Locating her digital alarm clock on the nightstand, I was surprised to see that it was almost 1:30. My fingers meet her cheek hesitantly. "Paige? We should probably get up now."

She groaned sleepily at my touch, drawing herself closer to me. _Great. Now I never want to move._ "Ugh, don't do _that_," I whined.

"Mmm. What time is it?"

"1:30."

"But I'm still so tired. All that driving we did on the trip was brutal."

"You didn't do any driving," I reminded her, laughing.

"You know what I meant, smartass."

"Yeah, I am. But we really should get up…"

"What for? This is so nice."

"Newsflash: I'm naked. Your naked. Your parents are home and they could charge in at any given moment and see all the…nakedness."

"Well then…I'll just tell them we were playing truth or dare and I dared you to sleep with me."

"Har-har. How would you explain the whipped cream can, Paige-Almighty?"

"I pushed it under the bed. And Alex? It's empty." She twitched her eyebrows up quickly and I felt my face burn. _Had we really used all of it?_

"Alright. Who are you and what the hell have you done with Paige?"

She laughed loudly at that. "This is the new, less timid version of her. You like?"

"Of course, but how long before her batteries run out?"

"Oh shush. You've made me more confident as far as intimacy goes. I feel so comfortable with you and I completely trust you."

"I trust you too, but you knew that already."

We smiled at each other, then Paige shifted a bit to inspect my ribs. She shook her head at the ugly bruise. "Feeling any better?"

"Only if I don't move."

"Did you take the painkillers before…um…you know?"

"Before we ate whipped cream off of each other? No. I was kind of distracted. Funny, I can't imagine why!"

The look on her face after that directly mirrored the one after I told her there were rats living in my apartment building.

"Shh!" She hissed. "You don't need to shout it from the hilltops!"

"But why not? If it had been captured on film, we would've both won a trophy. Maybe a plaque. Or ten thousand dollars."

"Are you done yet?" Her face with the pinkest I'd ever seen it.

"Nope. A flag salute coupled with a standing ovation while confetti is thrown in the air…"

I had her laughing now.

"Oh and balloons, too. The kind with helium in them that we could suck out on stage while thanking everyone in squeaky voices…"

"I'm starting to wonder if _your_ batteries ever run out," she interrupted.

"Hell no. Why would they? I'm the energizer bunny."

She giggled. "Obviously."

Deciding to kill the playful mood, Paige lowered her lips on my neck, kissing down a path and stopping at my belly button.

A low moan shook my body and I licked my lips. "You stopped."

"Your ribs - I don't want to hurt you."

"Can't hurt me by just kissing me."

"Kissing wasn't my intention."

_Wow. I do like this new version of her. Yes._

"Oh really?" I cocked an eyebrow.

"Mmm-hmm."

A metallic sound suddenly filled the room and the both of us jumped nearly a foot in the air. The door was locked, but someone was on the other side, trying to gain entrance. A hard knock rattled us even further. At this point, Paige was on her feet, scrambling to put her clothes back on, and all I could do was lie there, frozen in fear of more non-acceptance, disgust, or worse: exile.

"Paige? Honey? Why is the door locked? Where's Alex?"

Even the almightiest of beings wouldn't be able to explain this one.

Amazingly, she had completely re-dressed herself, and proceeded to usher me into the bathroom. I'd managed to grab my own clothing before she shut the door in my face, my mouth agape. She flashed me an apologetic look, but it didn't help in subsiding the feeling of complete oblivion. She'd managed to sweep me under the rug this time, but sooner or later, she'd have to face the music, just like I'd done.

"Be right there," I heard her say.

As I clothed myself, I strained to listen to their conversation.

"Where's Alex? Did she go home?"

"No. She can't go home."

"Why not, did something happen?"

"Yes. Her mom is the reason she can't go home. She – hit her. Her ribs are really banged up."

"What? Her mother? I thought you said the _boyfriend_ was violent?"

"Well. He left them. But her mother had been drinking and…"

"But why would she just hit her? It doesn't make sense."

"It's…complicated. I'll explain it to you later. Alex is in the bathroom."

"Oh, so sorry, I didn't know. Is she doing any better than before?"

"Not much."

"Does she need anything?"

"Well she was prescribed some painkillers, but hasn't taken them yet."

"I'll go get her something to drink then. Everything in Dylan's room is all ready for her in any case. Let her know she can stay as long as she needs to."

"Thanks mom. I really couldn't have her stay at a shelter again."

"Of course not. She's always welcome here. Let me go get her that drink now."

Soon there was a knock on the bathroom door and I stepped away, letting her come inside.

"You heard all that I'm guessing."

I nodded. "Your mom's real nice."

"Thanks hun. Sorry for shoving you in the bathroom."

"No big deal," I shrugged, avoiding her eye.

She lifted my chin up with her finger. "Really. I am sorry. Just understand that I'm not as brave as you. But I will tell them eventually. Now isn't the right time."

"I know."

"Do you still love me?"

"After shoving me in the bathroom? How could I not?"

She laughed, pulling me back towards her bed. "You're too much."

"Yup. Oh, and just as a side note, I'm not sleeping in Dylan's room."

"Yay, I was hoping you wouldn't. And besides, how can I take care of you if you sleep in there?"

"You _meant_ to say how can you eat whip cream off of me when I'm in there."

She rolled her eyes. "Alex, I'm serious."

I laughed. "Yeah, and so am I."


	23. Hungover On A Tuesday

Hungover On A Tuesday 

**CHAPTER TWENTY TWO:**

Since our vacation, I knew that between the two of us we'd accumulated stacks of missed assignments and homework, but both Paige and Mrs. Michalchuk suggested I'd rest up for another day. Nevertheless, I hadn't made much of an effort to move from the comfort and safety of their house. Paige said she would bring back all of my work. Somehow that only added onto my pain knowing I'd be drowning in school work for the remainder of the afternoon and well into the evening.

"How are you feeling sweetie?" She asked as she came into the room, pushing up her shades.

"So much better now that I see that mountain of work you have there," I replied cynically.

Paige smiled. "I know it looks scary, but I was told that we're allowed to go at our own pace. And anyway, you have me to help you."

"I hate school."

"It'll be okay, hun. Only three more months."

"I can't believe it. I feel old."

"Ditto," she replied with a laugh, helping me slowly into a sitting position.

She adjusted some pillows behind me to lessen the pain and pulled the covers up to my waist. She tucked my hair behind my ear and kissed me quickly before converting into a business-like mode.

"Okay. History first. We're on Chapter eighteen…"

"Can we do Science first?"

"Why Science?"

"Um because History is boring as all hell…"

Paige laughed and shook her head. "As you wish."

--

By Tuesday morning the pain wasn't nearly as bad as it'd been and therefore deemed myself stable enough to dabble into the madness that was school. Ever since the incident, I felt as if I were moving in slow motion so as to avoid anymore agony then there needed to be. My mental health wasn't up to par either, but just like the bump under my eye, it would take some time to fully heal. My head felt heavy as I trudged up those steps and onto the threshold. A few kids were shouting and laughing loudly over something which brought on an instantaneous pang in the middle of my forehead, but I blinked it away and headed toward my locker. The painkillers I'd been taking were drugging me to the point where it was impossible to tell which end was up, much less deal with any outside noises.

"Alex! Hey!" It was Marco. Or at least I thought it was; all voices sounded alike.

"Hi," came out pitiful, weak.

"Whoa…what happened to you?"

"What?" I snapped. "Nothing."

"Nothing? What bull. You look half-alive."

I slammed my locker door shut. "I had a run-in with an SUV named Emily Nunez."

"What…? You're mom? Am I missing something?"

"Yeah. She hit me, okay? Attacked me, rather. I'm drugged up on meds for the ribs that she bruised."

"Alex, wait." I turned back around.

"Did you tell her?"

"No. She found out on her own."

"God. Alex, look. I'm really sorry she took it that way. I mean…"

"It's fine. I'll get over it."

"Do you need a place to crash?"

"I'm staying with Paige. But thanks."

"Okay. But just so you know, my door is always open."

"I don't think she's going to boot my ass out any time soon, but I'll keep it on the backburner."

He smiled a bit at that and I couldn't help as I did the same and rolled my eyes.

"So…uh. How are things on the Paige front?"

"Good as always."

I stopped the next sentence from springing off my tongue, as I felt the presence of someone else. Someone I despised.

"Well, well. If it isn't Alex Nunez herself, altering once-straight girls into forthright lesbianism. Had enough of being a loser and finally decided to give school a second chance?"

"Fuck off."

"What did you just say?"

I clenched my fists at my sides, dropping my bag to the floor.

"I said, _fuck off_."

A small crowd had begun to form, so I collected myself enough to step away from the symbolic fire that was Hazel. I didn't have the energy nor the will to argue. If I even attempted it, I would have a mental breakdown.

It hurt to reach down for my book bag, so Marco jumped to my aid. He even went so far as to place it gently over my shoulder.

Concerned, he rested his hand on my shoulder. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah."

"Need me to walk you to class?"

I shook my head. "I'll walk with Paige – once I find her."

"Okay. Take care of yourself, alright?"

"Don't worry about it," I replied softly and headed off in the direction of Paige's locker.

--

She was in the midst of organizing her books, seemingly engrossed, but she must've caught sight of me in her mirror.

"Hey hun."

"Hey. Couldn't find you for a while there."

"Sorry. I had to drop some of the extra text books off at their respective classrooms. So much crap."

"Tell me about it."

Out of the blue, she placed a kiss on my mouth, smearing her lip gloss onto me. As soon as she pulled away, she could tell something was wrong.

"Did something happen? You look…pissed. Let me guess – Hazel?"

"I was this close to slapping that condescending bitch into next Friday, but I figured it'd be a bad idea given how train wrecked I already look and feel."

"What did she do?"

"Oh just some shit about me converting you into a lesbian."

Paige snorted. "You can't turn someone gay."

"I know, but that's what society has been brainwashed into thinking."

"People are so stupid. And bisexuality does exist, too."

The warning bell went of, producing a strained and tired groan from the back of my throat.

"Hey I've been meaning to ask you…" I began, somewhat hesitant. "What do you think about getting maybe…a place of our own?"

"Here? You know I'm going to Kingston, right?"

"Yeah. About that. Ever thought of maybe applying instead to a university in Toronto?"

"Well…I put in some apps for a few in this area as a back-up, but I was really planning on going to Banting."

I bit my lip and shuffled my feet around a bit before saying, "You think you could possibly I don't know…reconsider going to Banting? I mean…I still have no clue what I want to do yet, and this whole mother-turned-psycho thing really throws me off course because now I'm thinking about that more than anything else."

Paige sighed. "I know sweetie. But the bell is going to go off soon, so we should finish this conversation later, okay?"

"Okay. I'll see you at lunch."

"I'll buy you an extra piece of cake to help distract you from the rib-pain. It's chocolate today I think."

"With whipped cream?" I joked.

Her eyes lit up as she beamed. "Naturally. Hell, why not put it on everything?"

_Pain? There is none. I love this woman._

--

We decided to continue our conversation over coffee, leaning calmly against the railing of the bridge I used to go to by myself until we began dating. The sun was beginning to set; the sky now orange, gray, and beautiful. But not nearly as beautiful as I felt in her presence. I let the tranquility of this natural sight wash over her features before clearing my throat, simultaneously gathering my thoughts. The colors filled her eyes in that moment, so much so that I could no longer see any traces of their normal bluish-green.

"Just kind of takes you away, doesn't it?"

She turned her head slowly and smiled, as if noticing me for the first time.

"Yes, yes. It certainly does." She took a polished sip of her coffee, focusing her attention solely on me, bringing herself closer until our elbows touched. It was hard to ignore the spark that shot through me whenever we came into contact. It seemed to magnify every second of every day. I was certain this electricity would never subside. I didn't want it to.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure hun," she replied, setting down her coffee.

"Is Banting what you really want?"

"Of course. It's always been my dream to go there."

"But what'll happen to us if you go?"

"I just figured you'd come along…only makes sense."

"But I don't know the city. It's a big step to take after living here all my life. And I can't just keep working these shitty popcorn girl jobs. I'll go crazy."

"I know hun, but I've been planning this for as far back as I can remember. Both my parents went there as well as countless other family members before them, I'd be letting them all down."

"Life isn't about living for other people. I'm sure you know that."

She stared at me silently, well aware of the tension I had undoubtedly caused with that one sentence.

"Look. You know that right now I'm stuck. Going back to my mom is out of the question. I can't deal with her various boyfriends or the ones that just use her to steal and then slither back because they're fucked up losers. I can't deal with her not accepting me for who I am or the fact that she might turn on me again in a drunken rage."

"Do you love me? I mean really love me? All jokes aside."

"Come on Alex. You know I do."

"Well…leaving me alone in Toronto or expecting me to start all over in Kingston isn't love."

Heaving the heaviest of sighs, Paige pushed her coffee away from her, picking at the wooden railing slowly with her fingernail.

"I know it's asking a lot to turn Banting down, but don't you think it would eliminate a lot of stress for the both of us?"

"I don't know right now, Alex. I really don't."

"Please think it over, okay? Weigh the pros and cons, don't just jump to a decision."

"I will," she answered after a moment.

"Promise?"

"Cross my heart."

Darkness settles in, but I'm standing close enough to see the vacant expression on her face. Completely unreadable. If only I could unravel all of those thoughts, dissect them. Wind rushes over her face and she closes her eyes momentarily. Digest it all. Please consider every aspect. It's our life here. I know this can work. Cross your heart, hope to die. Stick a needle in your eye. Hold me to you. Forget that you consciously shoved me into your bathroom, avoiding the big picture whenever your mother creeps in. The picture is bigger than she could ever imagine. Vast like the sky, complicated yet beautiful. I've never felt beautiful, but with you it's the only word swimming through my mind. You lean your head on my shoulder and yawn. We stay that way for a while, savoring the bittersweet moment. Unaware that it's Tuesday and that Hazel Aden is out there, cooking up yet another plan of how to make our lives more miserable than ever before. Or that Marco Del Rossi sits on the edge of his bed worrying about my health and how my mother could do what she did. We just hold these few hours of togetherness dear, for we're never really alone anymore. Then it's too dark to see much of anything and the moon is dull tonight. So we head back, hand-in-hand. It follows us home the whole way.


	24. Repair This Tattered Skin

**CHAPTER TWENTY THREE:**

Against a backdrop of stars, I nurse a beer as I stand on that bridge alone. The wind is blowing furiously around me, my lips wet and drawn into a straight line. I'm looking down, I can't even face the sky, not tonight. The discoloration of my ribs has nearly vanished along with the mind-numbing pain, but the bump under my eye still remains, serving as a constant reminder of how unfriendly the world can be. Paige finally told her parents. They accepted it, but her mother just stared blankly at the two of us afterward with not much to say. It came as a shock to both of them, considering Paige's boy-crazy past, but it was obvious enough that I made her happy. I couldn't take their curious eyes boring into me, so I ran down to the liquor store and blew the last few dollars I had on a six pack.

Stupid yes, but understandable. I felt I could break at any given moment, so I needed some distraction as well as some time by myself. Paige still hadn't confirmed her decision yet, which only helped to diminish what was left of my sanity. She seemed to be deep in thought whenever I glanced her way. At least I knew that she was indeed mulling it over. I knew I was being selfish, and maybe that was why the normal playfulness of our conversations had taken on a tight-lipped demeanor, with only a peck on the cheek before bed. I felt like a villain. My intention wasn't to be selfish, but I felt closed inside of a dungeon with no air or light. She was my only way out of confinement; my air and light.

Please don't throw me face-first on the ground. If you're going to let me down, be gentle. Give me hope.

Later that night I lie in bed with her, my face pushed into the pillow. I knew she was just as awake as I even though her back was facing me. Gradually, I reached out my hand until it met the warm skin of her shoulder.

"Paige?" I whispered.

"Hmm?"

"Are you pissed at me?"

She turned over, the soft rustling of sheets filling the emptiness of the room.

"No, why do you think that?" She rested her chin in her palm as she propped herself up a bit, looking into my eyes.

"I don't know. I mean…it was really selfish of me asking you to turn Banting down."

She shrugged, her hair raining down over her shoulder. "Well…" She paused for a moment.

"After I blew my interview to hell at the college seminar, I got to thinking that maybe I don't know why I wanted to go there…maybe I just let everyone else make the decision for me. I don't want to disappoint my family, you know that but…this is my life, after all, and there's always room for change. Maybe Banting will be later on in my future, when I have a firmer grasp of what exactly it is I want."

I blinked, not believing my own ears. "Does that mean what I think it does?"

"Yeah hun," she nodded. "It does."

Unable to contain the smile from spreading across my face, I moved myself closer.

"You're positive? I mean if you really want to go…"

"I did the moment you asked me, but I've been thinking about it day and night. This just feels like the better move right now."

"I'm glad. Really, you have no idea how much."

She smiled, raking her fingers through my hair, smoothing it down. "If you're so glad then why aren't you jumping around the room like a fan girl and throwing confetti in the air?"

I laughed. "Maybe because it's almost one in the morning and the simple fact that you will never see me jump around the room."

"Aww. I was positive you had a little victory dance in the works, because we both know you're one hell of a dancer."

"True, but this isn't a musical and I refuse to break out into a choreographed dance for your entertainment purposes."

"Somehow that was just the response I was expecting." She brought her face closer to mine with a few fingers under my chin, closing the space between us with a kiss that far surpassed any she had given me before.

She looked very pleased and pink after we broke away, knowing full well the effect she had on me.

"Okay, we should really try getting some sleep," her voice husky.

"Yeah. Goodnight – again."

"Night hun. Love you."

"Love you too." I waited until she nestled herself into me before closing my eyes. She felt so warm and I felt beautiful once again. Sleep came easier that night with no dreams of talking birds or crumbling temples. The steady beating of her heart kept it all away.

--

Graduation was drawing closer and closer. Even though Paige's parents knew of our relationship, they still went to great lengths to make me feel comfortable. It seemed harder for Mrs. Michalchuk to look me in the eye, since it was apparent of why I'd been battered by now. _Don't throw me a pity party_, I thought. _It won't help the situation, it won't clear away all of the pain, not by a long shot._ I was worried that it would only be a matter of time before I wore out my welcome, but both of her parents remained just as gracious as they'd been in the beginning. The end of the week was coming to a close and I'd grown weary of washing the same three outfits I'd brought with me. People are school stared at me more than ever because of it. First disparaging eyes locked onto the bump under my eye, then on the clothing. _Didn't she wear that a couple of days ago?_

"We could always buy you some new clothing…" Paige suggested but I just rolled my eyes.

"What?" She blinked, outwardly offended. "It'll be fun. I'll help you add a little color to your wardrobe, then make you model it all for me in the dressing room."

"I'm about to wipe that smirk right off your face, Michalchuk. No way in hell. I'll just stop by my apartment and take the rest of my clothes with me…not that there's much left anyway."

"All the more reason to go shopping! Come on, Lex, please? What would it hurt? This outing is for you, not me."

"You expect me to believe that? Knowing you, we'll come out of the place with thirty bags – and only one of them will be mine."

She laughed, shaking her head. "I won't buy anything for myself, I swear on my life. I'm saving up for our apartment – remember? But I do want to help you out. I know where to find all the sales, you can't go wrong when you're with me on a shopping date."

I sighed heavily, plopping down on the edge of her bed, rubbing my temple. Shopping of any kind usually provoked headaches, but clothes shopping with Paige guaranteed full-blown migraines.

"Please? Come on hun…" She paused to nip at my neck. "Think about it…alone…with me…in a dressing room…clothes are flying off…"

"Well…when you put it that way…"

Her lips broke contact with my skin as she looked up into my eyes. "That's a yes?"

"Yeah, it is," I sighed. "Damn it. Since when did I become Sparky?"

"You've always been Sparky," she teased, patting me on the head.

"Watch it. I don't have my rabies shot."

"Fine. Bite me, attack me, do whatever you please."

Stunned, I felt a sudden blood rush to my head, unable to keep from laughing.

"Well. That was innuendo if I ever heard it!"

"Mmm-hmm. And innuendo that made you blush," she pointed out, her grin growing wider.

"I didn't blush."

"Liar. So are we ready to go? It's almost 4:30."

I threw my hands up in the air. "As ready as I'll ever be."

--

I'd felt tired as soon as we set foot inside of the place, but after repeatedly being drug back and fourth from store to store, my ribs got the better of me. I could feel the skin around them tighten after only a matter of minutes and it was becoming too much to withstand. I tried keeping her away from me so that she could no longer enclose her fingers around my wrist, but she was quick, and on a mission it seemed. After a long while of being pulled in every possible direction, I finally found my vocal chords.

"Paige. We've been in about twenty different stores in the past forty-five minutes. I'm getting all stiff in the rib area and I'm also starving to death."

"I'm sorry hun, but who knew your little tank tops could be so damn hard to find. I'm 100 percent positive they carry them here."

"They don't have to be just the tanks. Regular shirts are fine too."

"But none of the "regular shirts" I looked at matched the two pairs of pants I got you. Seriously Alex. Don't you know khaki is so 1995?"

"So what! They don't take as long in the dryer, that's why I like them."

"Shh. People are starting to stare."

I had had more than enough. After that remark, I simply shut my mouth, lowered my eyes to the floor and closed myself off from any further communication.

"Ooh. Cute, hun. What do you think? I know you don't wear green, but this is definitely you."

I said nothing, for I hadn't looked up and simply took the shirt from her hand. "Wait a sec, let me see…" She held it up in front of me.

"I was right." She smiled, looking up for my reaction. Her features took on a familiarly of concern I'd seen more often than not as of late. "Alex? What's the matter?"

"Nothing."

She folded the shirt over her arm. "Yes there is. Come on."

She led me over to an empty dressing room and closed us inside. "You look about to cry and it isn't like you to cry very often."

"I'm depressed, Paige, and this – this whole dragging me around the mall thing isn't helping."

"I'm doing this for you, remember? I know you don't want to go back home, even if it is just to get more clothes. I picked up on the tone in your voice when you mentioned going back."

I sat down on the bench, my back to the mirror. "You could've just ignored it."

Paige rolled her eyes. "Please. You're my girlfriend, I care about you and everything that's happened. I'm sorry you're depressed honey – I can understand why, but just shutting me out isn't an option."

Wiping at corners of my eyes, I let out a sigh, standing upright. "Okay." I replied softly after a moment, getting lost in those eyes for the umpteenth time. I liked to think that with the smile that followed, and the way she titled her head to one side was reserved only for me. I'd never seen her look this way at anyone else, so perhaps I was right.

She rubbed my arm slowly, placidly. "I won't make you try on the shirt, that's a little pointless. We'll go grab an early dinner after I pay for everything."

"Then are we done?"

"Not quite."

"Ugh. Come on Paige."

"Well fine if you'd rather not wear any underwear…"

_Oh, that. Damn. Am I really sure she isn't the spawn of Satan? Jeeze._

**A/N: My intention never was to break them up. Although I agree the break-up on the show wasn't as catastrophic as I'd pictured it in my mind, it still left me with a feeling like it was just too rushed and they were too caught up in their own problems to even think things out rationally. Honestly, I had the hardest time getting over the bump in their relationship to work around the "Banting Ordeal." But after a long time of brainstorming and writing several things down, I finally came to a close. **


	25. It's Freedom I'll Obtain

**CHAPTER TWENTY FOUR:**

"So how long before you two can afford the apartment?" Marco was ecstatic. I'd never seen him smile so wildly.

"Shouldn't be long," Paige replied, brushing some lint off of my shoulder. Ever since the fight with my mother, she made sure no person or particle came too close.

I rolled my eyes good-naturedly at her antics before turning back to Marco. "It's sort of…cramped, but it'll do for now."

Paige hooked her arm around my waist. "Yeah. It isn't permanent. But it's a start."

He nodded. "I have no problem helping you guys get your stuff loaded up, if you want."

"That'd be great," Paige nodded, flashing a bright smile.

"So…Alex? You seen your mom at all?"

"No. Why would I want to?"

He shrugged. "I don't know…just thought maybe you'd talked things over since --"

I narrowed my eyes, cutting him off. "We haven't and we won't."

Marco held up his hands in defense. "Okay. Well…gotta get going…I'm meeting Tim at the Dot in a bit. See you."

"Later hun," Paige replied. I said nothing which earned me a nudge.

"Bye Marco."

He shook his head, seemingly amused. "Bye."

I rummaged through my locker once he'd gone, gathering my texts and dropping them all into my book bag. I jumped when I felt Paige's hands come to rest suddenly on my shoulders.

"Why'd you snap at him like that, hun?"

"Didn't mean to," I replied, slowly turning around to face her.

"Just…the whole thing with my mom…I don't like to talk about it."

"I know," she whispered soothingly. "But he cares about you."

"I realize that, but its hard. I just want to block it all out completely."

"Understandable."

"Besides…loading up all my crap means I have to go back there and pack it all. Not that there's much to pack, but that isn't the point."

"Well…try not to think about her too much. Think about…all the fun we'll have decorating our very first place…not to mention picking out a bed…"

I gave a lopsided smirk. "Dude. Spongebob sheets or I'm not coming along on that escapade."

Paige raised an eyebrow. "_Dude?_ And no, sorry but even Spongebob is too happy a character for my liking."

I pushed her shoulder playfully. "I was kidding."

"Oh. I totally knew that."

"Yeah, whatever," I laughed, sliding my hand into hers we exited the school. She squeezed gently, and I did the same as we stole brief glances at each other. I was positive I would never tire of her smile, the way the corners of her eyes would crinkle when she laughed, the way she glistened in the sunlight, or the way in which we shared inside jokes and humor others just wouldn't get. This time she didn't break eye contact. She sought my attention, so I looked up. She winked; like my mind was an open book and she'd been reading all of my thoughts. Something as simple that made a smile play over my lips. I responded by bumping my hip to hers and giggled as she turned the exact shade of pink as the jacket she was wearing. That was another thing I'd never tire of.

--

Waking up to the shrill sound of an alarm clock not even a foot away from your head is never a humane way to start your morning, I'd come to decide. By now it had become a mantra of sorts. I had an internal clock; I'd get up at the same time every morning to set order throughout my house. I'd collect all the discarded bottles and cans, usher Chad's hungover form into the bedroom, then tend to my mother. Lastly I'd take the trash out to the dumpsters, accomplishing all of this with whirlwind speed, saving myself enough time to get cleaned up for school. But now. Now It was an entirely different story. Who on earth knew just exactly when Paige awoke in the morning? I'd always roll over in bed to find the spot empty beside me. One of these days I was going to have to beat her at her own game.

"Paige!" I whined. "Shut that damn thing off!"

"Okay, fine," came out muffled; she was in the midst of brushing her teeth. She liked to listen to music while she showered, which I thought was odd, but at least she kept the radio at a low volume. The electronic shrieking came to an abrupt halt and I sighed into the edge of my pillow.

"You getting up, hun?"

"No, never," I replied sluggishly. The sheets held her scent and I breathed it all in.

"Guess what time it is?" She called from inside the bathroom.

"Time for me to pretend that I became an arson overnight and doused the entire school in gasoline?"

"You're horrible," she laughed, coming back into the room.

"Not even close. It's shower time," she whispered, running her palm down the length of my back.

"Dear God don't tempt me like this," I moaned, torn between more shut eye and the promise of intimacy under scalding water.

Her lips were right next to my ear. "Get up now and I'll do more then just wash your back."

"I'm up, I'm up. Sleep? Sleep is for chumps."

Paige giggled. "A little less talking, a lot more undressing. I don't want us to be late."

Us. Funny how that one word changed my entire perspective. When she said us, she meant _us_, not just her. It made me smile.

The deep-rooted reality of graduation day was weighing heavily on all of our shoulders, causing jitters, more worry lines, and quickening pulses. Acceptances to universities drifted in here and there. Paige was practically stalking the mailman.

"He's here!" She leapt up from her usual post at the window sill.

I chuckled, pouring myself a glass of juice and carrying it into the living room. She returned shortly with a bundle tucked under her arm. I didn't need to ask, her face spoke in volumes.

"Don't worry babe. Give it some time."

"But how much? I've been waiting forever, this isn't fair."

She tossed the mail onto the coffee table and fell back onto the sofa. I joined her, putting my arm around her shoulder.

"Graduation is only five days away, I haven't gotten ANY acceptance letters, I'm a complete mess, and to top it off, I'm on my period and in dire need of a chocolate fix."

"Thanks for sharing," I teased, nudging her a bit.

She covered her face with one hand, while squeezing the life out of my shoulder with the other.

"Alex. What am I going to do?"

"First try releasing your death grip so that the blood can continue flowing."

"Sorry. And don't, under any circumstances use the word blood."

"Well that bloody sucks."

"Alex!"

Grinning, I moved my hand so that it was around her waist.

"Sorry, I couldn't resist."

--

A couple of days before graduation, two large envelopes arrived. I watched as her eyes darted back and fourth between them, unsure of which to tear open first. I knew one of them had to be from Banting. I caught on by the way her eyebrows went up upon further inspection.

"Open it," I stated simply, a smile lightly on my face.

She smiled back, trying to seem brave, but her eyes gave her away. It was a long while before she spoke.

"They accepted me. I'm in."

"Paige, like I said, if you really want to go…"

"No. I mean…I can't let _this_ control my decision. It's stupid."

My arm found it's way around her midsection. "Okay," I smiled. "Open the other one."

I waited patiently, letting her read silently to herself before she handed the letter to me.

"York, huh? Wow."

"Yeah. Pretty exciting."

"If you're so excited then why aren't you jumping around the room like a fan girl and throwing confetti in the air?" I scoffed, pushing her nose.

"Alex, shut up," she laughed. "I am excited. Maybe a bit more scared, but excited nonetheless."

"You'll be fine," I assured her, staring deep into those orbs, wanting so desperately to see that sparkle, that playfulness they normally held.

"I don't want just me to be fine – I want us both to be."

I couldn't help as I just stared at her after she said that. Her emotion was raw; she meant every word. In that moment, I saw her. I saw her for who she truly was, who she'd been all along, but was too insecure to let herself shine. I liked to think I helped bring her towards that light, but she did it all on her own.


	26. Epilogue

I never would've imagined upon leaving that rotted old apartment building that it would induce a feeling of sadness I couldn't even begin to comprehend. It didn't make any sense to feel this way; I'd sat outside more often than in, biting back tears, kicking the door and swearing. I had felt it in doses too strong for my own good, but the moment my eyes shifted toward the stony-faced form of my mother on the sofa, the sadness left me entirely. She wouldn't even look at me.

I felt my eyelid twitch and I had to turn away. What could I possibly say to her? _Look Mom, I'm so sorry for loving another person. I should've just stayed miserable_._ No._ I thought. _She doesn't even deserve that much._ I shifted the box to my left arm while I closed my mother in, gently. No more slamming doors.

The sky was overcast and rain would start in at any given moment. I was too busy observing to notice that Marco had taken the box from my hands.

"Is that it, Alex?"

I had heard the words, but they didn't register.

"Alex?"

"Hm, what?"

"Is that all?"

"Yeah."

He gave a sigh of relief, looking as exhausted as I felt. "Great. Well…I'll be seeing you."

He smiled so sweetly and I hated myself for ever misjudging the man. He wrapped me in a quick embrace, and cupped my cheek, aware of how hard it must've been to face my mom for the first time in months.

"You're gonna be just fine, Alex. Trust me. Now you keep Paige in line, okay? Not only that, but make sure to sneak in a bit of affection every now and then." He winked and I had to laugh.

"Don't worry about it. I bounce back pretty quick. And as for Paige…the whip is never far from reach."

"Very funny you guys," Paige cut in as she closed the trunk of her mother's van.

"Just giving you a hard time like always," he smirked.

A smile crept onto her otherwise somber face. "Some things never change."

"But seriously though Paige, I'm so happy you guys got a place and that you're going to school here instead of Kingston."

"Just wasn't meant to be."

I reached for her hand and she more than obliged. I stole a glance at her. She looked from him to me, her eyes purely reflecting unconditional love. None of us wanted to move, for it would disrupt the comfort we all felt within each other. Sadly, he was the first to break the silence.

"Well…I guess I'll just be on my way…"

"You'll come visit us, right?" This was a tone she rarely used, and it was enough to break even the coldest of hearts.

"Of course I will."

I shifted my weight from one leg to the other, before finally saying what was on my mind.

"We'll miss you."

He smiled, but tears still glossed in his eyes. "I'll miss you too."

He kissed us both goodbye on the cheek and before either of us knew it, he was gone.

--

My life was tucked away neatly in all of those boxes; stacked and waiting to be opened. My fingers found their way inside of one, knowing what it held from the impressions on it. Opening and closing it so often did that. His face stared up at me from inside and I picked it up, holding the photograph up close; running my fingers over the worn edges. He always smiled in pictures. This one was taken in the park; several trees and the bluest of skies serving as the background. Sunlight ricocheted off of the treetops and onto his tanned complexion making him appear as if he were glowing.

As I stared at the picture, I realized just how fitting the sunlight on him was. He _was_ always glowing, laughing, smiling. The world danced in his eyes and when we were together life was only a game. He showed me beauty in everything, even in things I thought were not at all. He taught me that tears will come, but are soon replaced with laughter. As I grew older he told me to be careful, learn to trust myself before anyone else, and always keep my head held high.

A few years down the road, most if not all of his lessons had left me. My mother made me too hard and I had simply learned to isolate as well as hate myself. I still kept the memory of my father deep in the recesses of my mind; indulging in it when my aura felt most serene. As a little girl he would lift me up to the sky, twirl me around gently; cool air would brush against my skin. I'd close my eyes to just feel, not see. I'd learned in that moment that life was about feeling; keeping memories in no matter if they were wonderful or horrible. They all deserved a place.

"Finally unpacking?" I heard.

I turned around, picture still in hand. "Yeah. Just…looking through some things."

She hovered over my shoulder in silence while she looked at the photograph.

"Who's that?"

"My Dad. Only picture I have of him. I took it from my mom, she didn't want me to have it."

I didn't want to get choked up over this, but I had changed tremendously and was better at expressing my emotions, no longer willing to them hold back.

She knelt down beside me and let me bury my face into her shoulder.

"It's okay hun." She reached for my hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.

A lot of things changed, some for the better, some in which left you wondering or just vacant. I had gotten a job as a veterinary's assistant and Paige kept on with school, her number of friends increasing almost daily. In and out of our door they all went. "Hey, how are you? How's life?" would float through all the rooms and in our heads as well. The same replies would always be muttered back. I'd come into our room to find notebooks, binders, and paper strewn about. Purses, shoes, scarves, CDs as far as the eye could see.

I'd just smile and shake my head at the mess that belonged to her. Suddenly I stopped and locked my eyes on the dresser. Atop it housed framed pictures of us of course. Some more recent, others dating back to when we were just youngsters with unabashed smiles or taken in mid-laugh. My eyes landed next on a picture someone had taken of us while we were in Calgary. It was the picture next to it that stood out from all the others. I slowly lifted it from its stand, bringing it closer.

It was the picture of my Dad.

I didn't need to ask her why. It just was.

**A/N: As you've probably noticed, I made Alex's father an important character throughout the story (even though he wasn't physically in it), and back when I wrote this, I thought it'd only make sense to end it in this way. I hope I was able to convey my point in this story well enough. Thank you to everyone who took the time to read, and of course to everyone that reviewed. I don't know if I'll make a sequel or start an entirely different story, but seeing as how Palex got me back into writing after my almost year-long slump, it's probably safe to say that you'll hear from me again.**


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